I was offering, among other delectable items, a homemade frozen cranberry salad. The recipe called for fresh cranberries that were blended with sugar and mixed with gelatin. I began the process by pulling out the mixer (an appliance that I confused for the blender). I proceeded to mix the cranberries. They started to shoot out of the bowl like bullets and made impact with my cabinets, ceiling, counters and floor. Confused, I attempted to cover the mixer with a dish towel to prevent the cranberries from escaping. Unfortunately the dish towel got caught in the blades and jammed the machine. It started to smoke before I finally pulled the plug. The cranberries were still in their round form (except for the ones that were splattered throughout my kitchen). So I decided to put the cranberries on a cookie sheet, cover them with another dish towel, and stomp on them. I looked like something out of an “I Love Lucy” episode. Unfortunately, the little suckers would not mash.

I was at my wits end when I finally called my husband. He quickly educated me on the difference between a mixer and a blender. He stated that if I used the right appliance, I would have more success. What he failed to mention is that the blender needed to be covered before turning the power on. By this time, I looked like I had been shot several times.

Most of the cranberries were lost, but I tearfully used the remainder and mixed it successfully with the gelatin. I spent the rest of the day trying to clean the cranberry crime scene. My husband returned home and bravely tasted a sample of the nearly frozen salad. He took a bite and looked at me. His expression revealed that I had forgotten to add the sugar. I burst into tears.

Since that unfortunate experience, I am no longer allowed to participate in any culinary preparation. I think the ban will continue as long as we can still see cranberry remains on the ceiling.