The cranberry salad looks more like cranberry slush. The stuffing is crunchy and you start to cry after you burn the second batch of rolls. To make matters worse, your sister-in-law insists that you invite the exchange student who refuses to eat turkey. He sits next to grand-pa who goes through the entire meal not hearing or understanding who this foreigner is and why he is at the table. While you are passing out straws so that the cranberry salad can be enjoyed, you think to yourself, “Are we having fun yet?”
Let’s face it, the holidays can be stressful. Although you can’t completely escape stressful circumstances (like you teenage daughter going through her “dark phase” who resembles Morticia Addams snacking on sweet potatoes), there are some things that you can do to avoid a complete holiday melt-down.
1. Manage Expectations
If you weren’t a sous chef before, chances are your culinary skills will not improve just because it’s Thanksgiving. Be realistic about what you can and cannot do. For example, don’t offer to bake the homemade pumpkin pie if you don’t know the difference between a mixer and a blender. Instead, serve the pumpkin pie courtesy of your local bakery.
2. Plan Ahead
I know this is difficult to do when you still have to work around your son’s football practice, your work schedule and your carpool duties. Still, there is much to be said for not waiting until the last minute before your in-laws show-up. Plan your menus, set the table, and create a check-list so that details are not forgotten.
3. Learn to say no
The holidays are no time to be heroic. Do not agree to work an extra shift. Do not agree to allow your in-laws to bring their cat. Do not agree to allow the football game to be on during the prayers. Do not agree to offer tofu turkey for the foreign exchange student. Just say no and you will avoid feeling overwhelmed and resentful.
4. Take a breather
I’m not saying schedule a manicure and massage Thanksgiving morning, however, I do think there is value to finding 15 minutes of daily sanity time. This will give you enough time to take a few breaths, take a brisk walk, or maybe have a good cry. Your internal calm can be restored and you will be better able to handle to stress of the holidays.
5. Forget about Perfection
You fantasize about having Normal Rockwell Thanksgiving feast. You envision tearful Hallmark moments as your family gather for the holidays. However, in real life, things don’t go smoothly just because Turkey is being served. The fact that extended family members are involved can pretty much guarantee that things will not go as planned. Invariably, you will forget to invite Aunt Francis to your daughter’s Thanksgiving play or that Uncle Fred is allergic to nuts when you offer him a piece of pecan pie. Expect imperfections and try to enjoy the day.
Remember, the holidays are not about being perfect. Instead, they are an opportunity to be grateful for it all. For the crazy cousins, the nagging in-laws, the demanding children and the cynical spouse (who pretends he can’t hear you over the noise of the football game). Through all of the insanity, you realize that Family means belonging to something and knowing that you are loved even if you forgot to preheat the oven.
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