From the airport I was whisked straight to the Elgin Theater. What I didn’t expect was how elaborate this presentation was. There were montages of the TV shows highlights, lighting cues, screens coming down, sliding out, spinning around… smoky back drops… elaborate sets (one I almost walked into until I realized it was a three D- Painting). Many hours of planning went into this… I felt I was at the Emmy’s… of course I was looking around to see if there was a statue or two I could borrow.

Throughout the day different acts were rehearsing their lines. Upon my arrival, the stars of ET Magazine were introducing another TV segment.

Eventually it was my turn to get my mouth in gear. My original script was eleven pages long with a list of over 300 shows. The thing with fast talking is after the audience gets the idea… its’ best to add humor… (So they don’t want to stick a cork in your mouth)… So with the help of Walter, the Chief Marketing officer for Canwest we cut down the list, added some comic asides, practiced it twice to coordinate with the teleprompter gal and we were done... just 5 hours later. Hey its show business, you think perfection happens in a minute?

I was then chauffeured to my hotel. After a restful nights sleep I was up at dawn, and back at the theater which was buzzing with activity. Apparently the TV stars were being dropped off by the limos. It was fantastic!

Once inside, I was escorted to the green room. The place where breakfast delicacies are laid out for you to munch on, and where you can joke with the other talent. That however only lasted for about two minutes, as I had to go into hair and makeup since I was on first and it was a live show… which means… you’re butt better be on the stage at show time. No retakes.

The make up lady was great, but she took a long time with me… (which of course makes me wonder… gee how bad did I look?)

Meanwhile the hair people were hovering about ready to pounce upon my hair once she was done. To make up for lost time… they worked on my hair, buffing and spritzing, three at a time! I loved it!

After that, it was down two flights to the backstage area where I was miked up. I then waited behind the curtain.

Garth, the stage manager, whispered to me that I looked beautiful. Which is always something you want to hear before you go onstage. (Hell it’s something a girl wants to hear anytime! – Okay maybe not in a dark alley, but you know what I mean)

Anyway, with a smile on my face I waited in the wings as the lights went down in the theater. Then the countdown began. The music faded up. On screen the huge Canwest Upfront logo is prominently displayed. Music fades and with a quick tap on my shoulder I am sent out to my mark on the stage.

I smile at the audience pretending I am very nervous and just there to make do a standard opening announcement.

“Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome to the CanWest Launch. (I said this as slow as my tongue would allow.) We’re getting ready to start so if you could please turn off your cell phones and blackberry’s that would be greatly appreciated. We have a wonderful presentation planned for you today. Now we all know what you’re thinking, how can they encapsulate 22 networks and hundreds of shows in just 75 minutes? Easy, bring in the Guinness Book of World Records Fastest Talking female… That’s me!” I grinned at them sheepishly. They laughed and applauded. I took a deep breath and launched rapid fire into the list, pausing to say funny asides about the show titles… just to keep the audience off guard and listening.

“We’ve got, 24, 30 Minute meals, 90210, 13, 20/20, American Dad, Antique Road Show, Fat men can’t hunt (“That’s why they have supermarkets.”…Boston Legal, Brothers and sisters, Bulging Brides (If you put them together they look like the number 10)… House, Rescue Me, Rich Bride, Poor Bride… Sit down, Shut up (Which is what you are probably thinking about me right now)…. Snoop Dogs Fatherhood, Survivor, Taking it off, The Thirsty Traveler (why doesn’t he just carry a bottle of water?) etc…

You get the point, and luckily so did they.
At the end of the list, I smiled and then said, “That’s it folks, I’m Fran Capo… I’m gonna go lie down now.” I marched off the stage to applause.

Mission accomplished the show opened with a laugh and an unexpected twist.

I was then de-miked, watched some of the show and was sent back up to the green room. There I got to chat with some of their TV stars like, Justin and Colin, two gay designers from Australia. (I think it was Australia… geez I hope I’m right.) Anyway, they were quick witted, cute and funny saying how they go into people’s houses to do a makeover.
So I said, “So you walk into people’s houses say it looks like crap and make it over?”

The laughed. “You got it honey. We even make them wear a T-shirt stating their decorating crime on it… like “Cluttered Mess” etc.

Next I chatted with the star of the Guard, as in coast guard… you know a boat show. Gorgeous guy, flirtatious.
He says to me, “So I’m dysfunctional and a womanizer.”
“Really” I pause. “Well at least you’re honest.”
He smiled and paused. I smiled and then realized he was teasing me.
“Wait is that you or your character on the show?”
“My character on the show.” He winked.
“Oh Jeez sorry, I thought you were just using me as your therapist.”

We both laughed. I stayed about a half hour in the green room and then it was time to head back to the airport.

I was on the plane before the show was even over. Sometimes… I look at my life and think… Boy, I sure do live in the fast lane… but I love every minute of it! Here’s to a full life, and all I can say is thank God my tongue can keep up.