I had been taking care of my mom medically from March till December. To give me a little break, my boyfriend Steve decided to surprise me with a trip to Jamaica. (The island, not the one in Queens.) We would join his cousins, Lisa and Dr. Jeff at the Royal Plantation in Ocho Rio’s.

The trip was set for Jan. 21st – Jan. 24th.I decided to make it a combo, work and relaxation trip. I would do a short video presentation for his cousin the doctor, do a few adventures, blog about them for the WB and spend quality time with my boyfriend. Perfect!

A few weeks before the trip, I heard my mom throwing up at night and it worried me. I wanted to take her to the doctor and she kept putting it off. Finally, on January 16th I insisted. I took her to the doctor and the next thing we know she is in ER diagnosed with pneumonia.

The next day, my son, Spencer came down with a 103.5 fever and his nipples swelled up. (Ouch!) Immediately I went into mission mode. I lit candles, prayed and called doctors. Turns out Spencer had developed something called, Hot Tub filiculitious…(who would have known such a ridiculous thing existed!) It was caused from the bromine chemical in the hot tub that he had gone in the night before.

On top of that my sister had an emotional breakdown because my mom was in the hospital again. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! All I could think was “Keep it together Capo. You have to be strong.”

Over the next few days, Spencer got better; my sister calmed down, and my mom’s pneumonia was being treated. But no one was 100% yet.

I wanted to cancel my trip. My mom told me to go, “You have been taking care of me and everyone else all year…you need the rest or you’ll have a break down. Besides, I have the most wonderful roommate, Hara, she has cancer but is such a positive person. We talk for hours, it’s as if …we’re soul mates.” My mom sounded peaceful.

All my close friends said, “Fran, even superwoman needs a break.” I checked to see if my cape was tattered. I saw a little wear and tear…so I decided to give myself permission to go.

I left verbal and written instructions with the nurses and doctors at Hudson Valley hospital. My mom was not to be released until 1) a chest x-ray was done to make sure the pneumonia was cleared up and 2) Till I got back on Jan. 24th. I purposed said this in front of witnesses too. In addition, I left contact information and Steve rented an international phone for us to use. As back up, I left my nurse friend, Wanda, and Spencer, who is now an EMT, in charge of my mom for the three days I would be gone. I had two other friends checking up on my sister.

Nervously, I got on the plane. My mom told me to say my prayers. I talked to God the whole way there. I think he was glad when I finally landed on the beautiful island of Jamaica and was distracted.

While on the immigration line I spotted a Jamaican newspaper called, “Jamaica Tourist: Everything you need to know for the perfect holiday experience.”

On the cover in big bold letters it read, “Swim with the Crocs!”
My heart began to race. I looked at Steve. “Wow, that would be awesome!” He shook his head. “No Way Capo. You’re on your own with that one.”

I grabbed the paper and turned to page seven and read out loud. “ The main reason most people take this Black River Safari is to look for Crocodiles. Salt water crocs have patrolled these waters forever, but unlike their cousins to the north, these crocs only get angry when troubled.”
I turned to Steve. “How the hell do you know if a Croc is troubled?” What do you bring your Freudian dream analysis book with you down to the swamp?”
Steve laughed, “If it bites you on the ass, it’s troubled.”

I continued to read, “Normally, they are very calm and when spotted, brave visitors get a chance to pet and even swim the aquatic reptiles.”

I showed Steve the picture. “Look this guy is petting the crocodile from the boat. It says the Crocs name is Charlie.”
“Come on Steve. They are not going to risk getting sued…Let’s go pet Charlie.”
“Fran, look at the guys hand his missing 3 fingers.”
I looked again. His hand was fine. Steve laughed, “Gotcha.”
I now had Charlie on the brain. And as Steve often knows me, I can be relentlessly relentless when I want something.

Steve’s cousins, Lisa and Dr. Jeff were already at the hotel. They arranged for their personal driver, Patel, to meet us at the airport.

The moment we met Patel we liked him. He had a friendly face, great laugh and warmth about him. We had an hour drive to the hotel, but within minutes I was asking about the Crocs. “Ah…no mama…ever heard about that one. Don’t think that is too safe. You want to swim with the dolphins instead, much safer.”
“No, I’ve done that. I really want to swim with the Crocs.”
Steve laughed, “Patel, welcome to my world.”

It was around 6 PM when we arrived at the hotel. We were greeted by the Dwight, the concierge. He was giving us the rundown of things to do…when I chimed in about the Crocs. After a very confused look, and trying to convince me to go shopping instead, he agreed to try to arrange it for the morning since that was the only day the 5 hour sojourn to the Croc adventure left from Ocho Rios.

As Dwight was making the phone call, Jeff and Lisa arrived in the lobby. Steve told them about my croc fixation. They were amused.
Steve said, “I telling you! You’re going to need a vacation once Fran leaves.” My reputation for the trip was set – fast-talking, fast adventures.

By seven we were checked into our gorgeous room with a moonlit view of the ocean.

By eight we were dining ocean side, joking and talking about the video opening I would do for Dr. Jeff for his upcoming lecture back in LA, in front of 500 doctors.

During dinner, Dwight came to our table beaming. “Miss Fran, your croc swim is all set up.” I was thrilled. I knew I was alone on this one…but I had to do it. Why? Because adrenaline adventures are my form of relaxation…I have to totally concentrate which forces all problems out of my mind. Because despite being in Jamaica, I couldn’t help but think if my family was okay back home.

Then it happened. About 20 minutes into dinner we got an emergency phone call.

I ran to the front lobby and was handed the phone.
Steve followed me.

“Frannie, it’s Wanda. The hospital let your mom go against her will. She said she wasn’t ready to leave and they told her she was well enough to go home. Spencer went to pick her up. He tried to convince them to readmit her…but they said it was too late since she was already discharged. The thing is Frannie she doesn’t look good. She’s sitting on your couch and she looks gray…. oh my God…oh my God…she’s having a seizure!!! ROSE!!!”

The phone dropped. I hear Spencer in the background…”Call 911”
I hear Wanda’s daughter Vanessa start to cry.
I hear them calling my mom’s name, “Rose, Rose…” then the phone goes dead.

I start to cry. ”Oh my God…is my mom alive or dead?”
I turn to the desk, “Please get Hudson Valley Hospital in New York on the line for me?”
Within minutes, Shaun finds the number and has hospital on the line. I ask to speak to the supervisor…I explain who I am and what happened. ”Why did you release my mom against her will?
She told you she wasn’t feeling well.”

I didn’t want to call home because I knew they were dealing with an emergency situation. Steve, Jeff and Lisa were there for support. I knew Spencer would call me when he could. “Damnit, I should have stayed home! It thought I had it all taken care of!”

Spencer called. He put me on the phone with the ER nurse. The same nurse I had spoken to on Jan. 16th. Dr. Jeff sat by my side.
I remained calm as I asked a barrage of questions. Dr. Jeff instructed me what to look for. I took tons of notes.

Satisfied that she was stabilized I relaxed a bit. I was angry that they let her go home against my specific instructions!

I debated about going home. Spencer said, “MOM! It’s under control. There’s nothing more you can do. You know I’ll take care of grandma.” Wow, my son wasn’t a little boy anymore.

I cancelled the croc swim. I didn’t want to be out of cell phone reach in the jungle somewhere. Or even if it did reach, I’d hate for the cell phone to ring as I petting Charlie. That would probably “trouble” him and then I’d have to fly home with one arm.

We played pool for a while, and I got drunk on cranberry juice.

Lisa, whose mom died just a few months earlier, offered me hugs. Steve told me everything would be okay. Jeff said some prayers for my mom. I prayed to Mother Mary. That night I cried myself to sleep, feeling scared and guilty.

Tuesday, Jan. 22
The next day, we had breakfast in the room. I called the hospital to see how mom was. The nurse said they were doing some tests and that she was doing fine.

We decided to do some local adventures. First off was a three-mile rafting trip down the Martha Rae River. Jeff and Lisa were on one raft, we were on another.

It was very relaxing. Too relaxing, so I started to get antsy. So I did the only thing I could think of. I asked to steer the raft. The guide handed me this very long pole. Apparently there is an art to rafting. I missed the art lesson and kept steering us into the banks. The local merchants on the riverbanks had to duck for cover. The guide politely took the pole back, “You are on vacation mon, relax.” Which basically means, “Give me that damn stick before you poke someone’s eye out!”

After our rafting excursion, Patel drove us for a quick lunch at a Jamaican Patty place.

With tummies full we headed back to the hotel. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a sign “Green Grotto Caves”. “Wait! I remember swimming this cave with my second husband on our honeymoon. This cave is where they filmed the James Bond movie….”

Steve looked at me…”Nice…so you were here with your ex-husband and you didn’t tell me!
“I didn’t remember till now.”
“Says a lot for your honeymoon.”
“Thus why I’m divorced!”

Patel just shook his head. After convincing Lisa that there were no bugs or bats, we all decided to go. (Okay it was a tiny lie…but it got her to go beyond her comfort zone.) Besides the place was deserted, she could scream if she wanted to.

We paid our money and were guided in. We were given hairnets and helmets, which is always attractive.

Five minutes into the cave we saw a cluster of bats on the ceiling. Jeff started shooting away with his camera. I was thrilled. Lisa didn’t want to look. Steve kept teasing her by putting his hand on her back trying to creep her out.
Hey what are cousins for?

We walked through the cave, ducking stalactites, taking side paths, and looking at the underground river that we were no longer allowed to swim in. The bats no longer bothered Lisa. Steve offered get one for her to take home as a pet.

As we came out Patel was waiting. Jeff said, ‘Hey Patel, We’ve been coming to Jamaica now for 10 years and this is the first time we ever went in this cave. It was great.”

On that note I decided to push the envelope. “Great then how about we all try the zip one adventure, through the trees?” To my surprise after much hesitation everyone agreed.

With enthusiasm high we had Patel call the Chukka Canopy Tour.

“Hi, we like to book four people for zip lining. Can you tell us about it?

“Yes Mon. It’s a two hour excursion. The minimum age is 10 years old. You get complimentary gear and experienced guides. You wear t-shirt and long pants with closed toed shoes. You will get a bus ride up the mountain, do nine traverses from 105 feet to 660 feet apart, and go swing from tree to tree over the valleys.”

He signed us up.

Afterwards I said, ‘Oh Patel we forgot to ask if there is a weight limit.”
Patel called back. Turns out Steve was a pound over the weight limit.

Lisa said, “Well if he’s not going…I’ll stay with him. We can always go four wheeling; they have that there too. Besides I’m not sure I’d like swinging through the trees anyway.”

I looked at Jeff. “Ah, I’ll still go with you Fran. If you can do it, I can do it.”

Patel called back. “Sorry we have to cancel two people, one’s too fat the other one’s chicken.”

We all looked at each other. Steve laughed, “Thanks a lot Patel…you couldn’t say another way.”

With adventure booked, we went back to hotel for some down time. I called the hospital and I spoke to the 3rd floor nurse to get a status report. They said they were running more tests… and that they would keep me posted. Again I prayed.

That night we were invited to a special Managers dinner for repeat guests. Lisa and Jeff got us in. We had a great time talking to people from all over the world. One couple had dove with great white Sharks…of course I took down the information. The food was excellent, the staff asked how my mom was doing, and the service was first class all the way.

That night I stared out the balcony window. It was beautiful. I thought, “How can two opposing things exist side by side. The beauty of nature and the fear of my mom’s health.” Sleeping in Steve’s arms that night gave me comfort. There’s something about having someone you love hug you that just puts you at ease.

Wednesday, Jan. 23 –
Had breakfast in the room. I called the hospital to get a status report on mom. I spoke to my mom who said she was upset because they moved out her roommate Hara. Hara’s friend, Arlene would visit my mom everyday though. I felt guilty I wasn’t there.

After I hung up it started to rain. The weather reflected my feelings.
Even though I had waited almost 2 years to go zip lining and write about it for my next adventure book and blog…the worry of my mom made me feel torn. “Okay Capo in one day you’ll be home…try to relax and enjoy the company you are with. Go home refreshed so you can help your mom.”

We arrived at Chukka Caribbean adventures by 9 AM. Steve and Lisa went off with the four wheeling group and Jeff and I joined the Canopy Tour group.

A twenty-minute drive led us up a winding, bumpy road into the lush jungles of the Cranbrook Flower Forest. On occasion our jokester driver would go so close to the edge that passages got Vertigo…it was not for the squeamish.

At the top we were geared up, and given instructions from the extensively trained tour guides…at least we hoped they were extensively trained, other wise we wind up smacking into trees.

They gave us a few zip line do’s and don’ts: “Don’t put your hands in front of the line that you hold, that can cause an accident and we don’t’ want that. Do relax. Don’t panic if you wind up zip lining backwards…just enjoy the scenery. If you loose speed before you reach the platform, Put your hands over each other and work your way to the platform. Relax moon…we haven’t lost anyone yet.” Jeff whispered, “There’s always a first time.”

They guides continued, “Now since it’s raining things may be a bit more slippery and fast. We will grab you onto each platform. You will go through nine traverses. Some are long and straight at a slight downward angle, and some…well we have a few surprises for you. Feel free to scream if you have to. Have fun. “

We started to walk down the trail to the first platform. One woman slipped on the muddy steps in front of us. (Remember we were in the jungle). Jeff called out, “I’m a doctor if you need one.” The woman seemed to be okay. Jeff just shook his hand and started doing his best Rain man impression, “Just an adventure. Just an adventure.”

To get me back, Jeff decided to tell the all the guides that I was scared out of my wits to do this. As a result the guides kept coming over to me trying to comfort me. Finally when I heard Jeff snickering in the background I caught on.

After a ten-minute walk we were at our first zip line traverse.
The first of anything is always the scariest because you don’t’ what to expect. Jeff went first. He climbed onto the box, they locked his harness in, and he took off. I believe I heard a slight scream. I was up next…I was so excited I almost went before I was harnessed in, which would not have been a pretty sight.

I laughed all the way. It was a straight smooth ride. The guide seemed disappointed that I did not scream.

I cut in front of Jeff on the second traverse so I could catch a picture of him. I turned around and saw Jeff coming in for a landing. I heard him murmur under his breath, “Okay, I had enough time to go home. Can we walk down?”

Sorry seven more to go.

Then the third traverse was a challenge. It was straight down! Just as if you would jump off a cliff…three stories down! I was wondering how they were going to put the breaks on that one. I leaped, closed my eyes and sure enough was slowed down and gently landed on the ground. I turned around just in time to see Jeff jump and hear him scream. Of course I taped it.

We went through the forest like this treetop to treetop on a zip line, making our way through the forest with this intricate system of harnesses, pulleys and carabineers. The landscape below was awesome.

At the end of zip lines was a roaring river. I got all excited thinking we would now raft down the wild rapids. The guides told us that it was too dangerous…so we walked instead. (Darn!)

Some fellow zip liners recognized me from TV, we took pictures and there in the middle of the Jamaican forest I wound up doing my fast talking three little pigs for the group.

We were muddy, we were wet, but we had a great time.
We hooked up with Lisa and Steve after the adventure.

But...The day was only half over.

THE SHARK DIVE

On the way back, I saw an advertisement to swim, hold and feed sharks. I asked Patel to stop the car so I could check it out.
Turns out they had a 4 PM session, and guess what? No one was signed up! What a surprise 

I looked at the gang…there were no takers.
Patel said, “In all my years I never met a woman who wanted to do all these tings.”

We had some time to kill before the shark dive….so Lisa and I went for a walk, we bonded and felt like we knew each other for years.

After our walk, Steve, Lisa and I hung out on the beach. To our surprise Jeff came out in a Chef’s house and served us lunch.
Apparently one of Jeff’s pastimes is trying out every job at the resort. He has cleaned the pool, raked the beach and now he the chef! The meal was actually delicious.

After about an hour it was time for me to swim with the sharks. Patel dropped me off and wished me luck. The hotel gang said goodbye to me like I wasn’t coming back  Steve told me not to hurt the sharks.
Nice!

When I got to the place, I was introduced to my instructor.
“Nice to meet you shark bait.” He smiled.
“Well that sets the tone, now doesn’t it.” I laughed.
He then gave me a quick ten minute intro on how to interact with the nurse sharks.

“Never put your hands in front of the sharks eyes. They have poor eyesight and are very quick and you will surely loose your hand if you do. When I tell you to put your hands on the shark, place it on his back. You can then pet the shark. I will also let you feed the shark…make sure you drop the food down to his mouth and only when I say so, or your hand will be part of the meal. We are going to be doing this in front of a live audience so remember to smile.”

I was all nervous about the sharks till he said that. “Live audience?” Great, no way I’m wearing my bathing suit then. Can I wear my wet suit?”
“You can, but the sharks aren’t used to it…I can’t guarantee you that they won’t mistake you for their favorite meal…seals.”
“My wetsuit is blue, not black. Are they color blind?”
“Yes.”

Great so now I had to decide between vanity and being potential lunch for a shark. My vanity won out. I wore my wetsuit.

As the show started I stood on the peer with hundreds of people. I watched the six sharks circling around in the enclosed bay below me.
Then I heard my cue, “Please bring the shark bait to the arena.”
Now I know how the Christians and the lions felt.

As soon as I put my fins into the water, the sharks gathered around me. Normally I like a greeting committee, but this time is was a bit unsettling.

The instructor had me stand right next to the shark and place my hands on his back. It felt rough. The instructor explained to the group, “That on the skin of sharks thousands of small 'skin teeth' can be found. In the past shark skin was used instead of sandpaper.” Great so I don’t only have to watch for his mouth, but watch his back also!

I looked closely at the shark as I petted it, it would not be often I’d get another close encounter like this. I saw thousands of tiny blue dots on his back and was tempted to get a closer look but thought the shark might be “troubled” by that. Hey who knows if Crocs and sharks get annoyed at the same stuff.

Then the instructor had me drop a small fish in front of the sharks mouth. The shark grabbed it so fast I jumped. The crowd laughed.
My adrenaline was pumping. Then I remembered sharks smell fear. So I tried to remain calm. He then flipped over the shark and I rubbed it’s belly. “Wow, this is very cool. It was soft.” I started to relax again.

Then he had me sit on a submerged bench. He placed the eight foot, 350 pound shark on my lap, ‘Don’t worry their shark bait, her name is Diablo.”
‘Great! Nice sharky.:
Then he had me place both hands on his back. Before I knew what happened he dropped a fish in front of the shark and all 350 pounds of shark jolted in my lap as if a canon went off. It was like trying to rope a pick up truck.
It was then I realized, “Damn this thing is all muscle.”

After the show was over, I was allowed to swim with the sharks for 15 minutes. I was told that Nurse Sharks are the most common shark in captivity, because they’re easy to capture, transport and quite easy to keep alive. They like to stay in large groups of about 40. Nothing like power in numbers! Some nurse sharks can get as big as 14 feet. They are slow moving bottom dwellers, and are for the most part, harmless to humans. They do however have very strong jaws filled with thousands of tiny, serrated teeth, and will bite if they are bothered by divers who assume they are docile.

Great again you have to be an animal psychiatrist to know when you are bothering them.

I did learn that by altering the magnetic field in the water, you could change the direction of the shark. So I decided next time I’m carrying a big magnet with me…just in case.

After a while though all fear was gone. I did wish one of my gang were here to share the adventure.

After the outing with the sharks I picked up my photos and videotape of my adventure. For the first time during my trip, I hadn’t thought about my mom.

Yet I couldn’t wait to show her the tapes.

Patel drove me back to the hotel just laughing at me. “No way mon.”
When I got back to the hotel Dwight, Shawn and the gang all said, “Miss Fran you survived…we were worried. Glad you are okay.”

From high adrenaline to the ultimate in relaxation, Lisa had scheduled a 6 PM couples massage for all of us. She figured after all I had been through emotionally and after the shark dive that I might need some down time. She was right.

For the first time the whole trip. I didn’t’ talk. Steve and I just lay side by side as we were massaged in a candle lit room. It was wonderful.

Our last adventure for the day was a romantic dinner by the beach with a special table set up on the dock. This time Jeff wasn’t cooking.
IT was a wonderful dinner, a wonderful day.

At the end of the evening we had just one more thing to wrap up. We all went to Jeff and Lisa’s room. There in one take, I did the opening comedy monologue for Jeff’s speech in LA.

Heading Home
It was our third day and time to leave. This time we ate in the restaurant. We went upstairs to pack and then I got another call, this time from my mom’s doctor.

“Fran, we found a lump under your mom’s left arm. Dr. Gordon is going to do a biopsy. It may be cancerous. It may not though because we took a cat scan back in August and there were no signs of anything…but I just want to let you know what is happening.”

I stayed calm over the phone. When I hung up I cried. I just wanted to be by my mom’s side. Steve said, “Don’t’ think the worse…we will be home in a few hours…stay calm that’s what your mom needs.”

I put sunglasses on to hide the fact that I was crying.
All the hotel people came out to say goodbye. They wanted to take pictures…so I kept my sunglasses on.

I think they knew though. They all wished me luck with my mom. They didn’t know the news I had just received. They invited us back and promised to have plenty of new adventures ready for our return.

Patel drove us to the airport. I talked trying to take my mind off of my mom…it was too nerve racking to be so far away…

I sat in silence on the plane ride home. Steve held my hand.
I just kept praying over and over again. “Please God let my mom be okay…she survived all this…let her be okay….

I soon would find out what the doctors had to say….

(TO BE CONTINED NEXT WEEK)