Swollen legs, Planes and Shrunken heads
You know one of the bizarre things about my life is that every week since college I look at my calendar and say, "Wow this week looks I can relax a little, and then somehow by the end of the week every moment has been filled with excitement.
This week was no different.
On Sunday night, my mom who's is still recovering from her six-month hospital stint says to me..."Frannie, my leg looks swollen."
Sure enough it was huge... it looked like a piñata without the candy. "Mom, this can't be good." After a few calls to the doctor, some quick medication to get the leg down, and some monitoring by the home care nurse... we decided that even though everything seemed under control... I should take her in on Tuesday for a Doppler test. (A Doppler ultrasound test uses reflected sound waves to evaluate blood as it flows through a blood vessel. (Basically I wanted to see if the blood clot my mom had was growing bigger.)
After the test on Tuesday, we heard those dreaded words..."Your mom needs to be admitted to ER to have an IVC (Inferior vena cava filter) put in." Not exactly how we wanted to spend our Tuesday afternoon. I left my mom, ran home to do a quick radio interview, and then came back with all her prescription medicines so they could give it to her while in the hospital. I also did some quick research on the Internet and found out the IVC was a quick procedure. The IVC filter... looks like a tiny metal tulip that acts like a net to catch blood clots. It is inserted via the blood vessels and is smaller than a penny. It can be inserted via the groin or neck. (Happy, happy, joy, joy.)
We were told they had to wait till her blood levels were okay to do this. (In other words that her blood wasn't as thick as molasses, or so thin she'd bleed to death.) During times like this even with simple procedures I like to stay with those I love.
However, there was only one minor problem... I had to fly to Denver in the morning for business, and since I was the spokesperson for their Qwest media event, it wasn't something that could be postponed. (Not to mention that I am the sole provider for my family... and it's not exactly like I can send in another world's fastest talker in my place.)
So I said my prayers, made arrangements for people to check in on my mom, called the appropriate doctors and asked them to let me know when the procedure was going to be done. I also called the home care people and told them not to come, unless of course they wanted to feed my cats and my son for me. Then I looked over my scripts, packed, answered emails and got the necessary five hours of sleep a night that I am accustomed to.
Wednesday morning, I got up, did a morning radio show interview, threw a load of laundry in the machine, and was ready for the car service when it came to take me to the airport.
An uneventful flight in a 12-seater plane landed me in Chicago to hook up with part of the Qwest team. During that layover I called the doctor. "Hello, Miss Capo, I haven't seen your mom yet, but we will insert the IVC filter through her groin... it's a lot safer. It should be done later today."
"Okay, thanks Doctor, I'll call you from Denver."
The plane was delayed in Chicago for a few hours, not because of bad weather, but because of mechanical problems. It always makes me nervous when mechanics are working in a hurry to get a plane back on schedule. "Hey Joe, should we test fly this baby?"
"Nah, no time... people are waiting to catch their flight, we'll find out soon enough if we did a good job... let her rip."
I called my mom to tell her I was on my way to Denver and to say good luck with the operation. However she beat me to the punch. "Frannie I had the operation. It was a quick ten-minute procedure in a freezing cold room. I was really nervous... my blood pressure was 198, but they gave me a tranquilizer and I was fine. They inserted it through my neck..."
"Through your neck?" I tried to remain calm. "Ah that's great mom... so you have marks on your neck just as if Dracula bit you... perfect since today is Halloween. Hey mom can I call you right back?"
I hung up the phone and tried to get the doctor. No answer. I call the nurses station. Finally after 5 minutes on hold I got in touch with the
"Can I speak to the doctor that did my mom's IVC?
They transfer me.
"Hey Doctor, I'm Fran Capo. I spoke to another doctor earlier this morning and was told she was having it inserted via her groin. My mom says you put it in her neck. I thought that was more dangerous."
"Your mom's blood clot was too big near the groin. We needed to insert in the neck... it was safer in this instance."
"Okay, I'm confused. This net like thing is supposed to be inserted in the groin so that it catches the blood clot and prevents it from going into her lungs, Unless I have my biology wrong, how the heck does the net in the neck going to help?"
He laughs..."It gets inserted through the neck, but it is placed in the same place in her body... a long tube puts it down to the groin area."
"Ah, gotcha." I breathed a sigh of relief.
As soon as I hung up, I heard the announcement. "Ladies and gentlemen we are ready to board the plane. It has been fixed. "
My phone rings one more time, "Hey Fran, its Jill from Ripley's. You're all set for the one hour show at the Donnelly library on Friday in Manhattan for the 250 kids, right?'
"Yup, all set. I'll be there at 10 AM"
"Oh by the way, Fox and Friends wants to have you on Friday morning at 7:30 AM. Can you do it?"
"Wow, I get back to New York at 2 AM Friday morning, can we switch it to Monday?"
"Okay, I will check."
The plane line moves up.
The phone rings again.
"Hey Frannie its Natalie. I want to talk to you about the home show we're doing on Dec. 2nd talking about your unique home decorating tips for the holidays."
"Ah, yes Natalie. I think it's hysterical that I am going to do this... after all my living room is decorated with aliens and giant frogs... let me call you back as soon as I get back to New York. I'm about to board a plane."
"That's what I love about you Fran I never know where in the world you will be when I call you... on the top of a mountain, skydiving or supermarket shopping...."
I board the plane. Very cool business class seats... the type that folds out into a bed... I think about taking a nap but decide to read a book instead. The Mystic Warrior. It's about some guy who can talk to his "team" mentally. I decide I want to develop this skill to save on my phone bills. I make a mental note to learn Remote Viewing.
We arrived in Denver much later than planned. It's too late for the dinner so I eat a bag of almonds instead.
Thursday Morning...
I wake up at 5 a.m. New York time, do a quick AM workout (compliments of my friend, John Basedow), down my Meda shake (I'm on this new diet...will talk about it in another blog- but it does entail jumping off a cliff with hundreds of Chiropractors)....
meet with the Qwest people and head over to their corporate office.
I do a five-hour training in three hours. They tell me it's one of the quickest trainings they ever did. I say, "Well it would be embarrassing if the worlds fastest talking female, took the longest to learn."
I head back to the airport. It's now 1 PM. I see a blouse I really like, try it on over my other clothes, buy two on impulse... shove into my bag and head to my gate.
I call Mom to see how she is doing.
"So glad you called. They want to discharge me today."
"Today!"
"Okay, let me call you back."
Since my son is at school. I quickly call my friend and neighbor Wanda. She's a teacher and gets off of work at 3 PM. She agrees to pick up my mom at 3:30.
I call back my mom and everything is set up.
(Later I find out... Wanda had to break into my house to get my car keys' because her car broke down....)
After another plane delay, I finally arrive back in New York at midnight. By one a.m. home.
In the meantime Jill called and said Fox was rescheduled for Monday.
All I have to do now at 2 a.m. is get my materials ready for my one-hour speech in the morning to the kids at the library.
I listen to my messages... an agent has called, "CNN might need you Monday to do a voiceover for them... will let you know."
Friday Morning:
Up at eight. Quickly fix Mom breakfast... dash off to the city.
Major accident has helicopters circling overhead. I'm late. I call my New York, Ripley's contact, Edward, the historian for Ripley's.
"Hey Edward. It's Fran, I'm stuck in traffic... I will be there at 10:30 instead of 10. Just don't want you to panic."
"Fran, I'm not the panicky type. I travel into jungles to collect artifacts for Ripley's... I can handle you being a few minutes late. Plus I'm going to go on and speak for about 40 minutes up front. And we still have Todd Robbins who is going to go on as well."
I arrive at the Donnelly library (across from the MOMA museum) at 11. Edwin has finished talking. Todd is on stage swallowing a sword and putting a nail up his nose with a hammer... All 250 school kids ages 9-14 are screaming wildly and applauding. He is the ultimate showman.
I sneak on stage thinking, "Okay it might be a tad hard to follow a sword swallower... apparently Todd is also a mind reader... because at that moment he introduces me instead of doing his grand finale.
Perfect showman move... both he and I know that a monologist (even a fast talking one)... should go on before a visual act. (Of course I would have gone on first had a tractor-trailer not jackknifed and made me go to Manhattan via Maine.)
Anyway, I go up... do my fast talking... get the kids to interact with some tongue twisters, tell them about Kilimanjaro, the Titanic and end with a fast talking fairy tale. They are laughing and screaming also... they were a fantastic audience. I then turn it back over to Todd for the grand finale.
After that we invite the kids to come up to the stage and view some of the artifacts that we borrowed from the Times Square Ripley's Odditorium. Let's see there was the tiny shoes, the big shoes, the vampire killing kit, the world's biggest hairball, a skull of a two-headed calf and a shrunken head. (I've traveled with that head before – he doesn't' say much.)
At the conclusion of the show... all 250 kids were invited to see the artifacts on stage, row by row. As they patiently waited on line we signed autographs, posed for cell phone pictures, answered questions and just had a grand ole time.
After the library event... I headed over to my house in Queens, and prepped my mom's apartment... I am surprising her with a new kitchen... it's a coming home Christmas present. (I can write this because I know she never goes on the Internet.)
After five hours of packing her kitchen stuff, I was exhausted. I drove home to Putnam. I told my mom the event lasted longer than I thought. I then had a relaxing evening with my mom... we watched a movie, fell asleep... and now I'm all ready to start it all again on Monday bright and early to shoot Fox and Friends. Such is the life in Fran's World... and to tell the truth... I love it.