The documentary was for the Center for Tobacco Control through North Shore-LIJ Health Systems. I was given a basic outline of questions that I was to ask a panel of experts and in the end the video was going to be submitted to a film festival.

The producer/director was Michael J. Arbouet, a easy going talented guy, who's won film festival awards for his short film New York Minute and full length feature film Serial. I knew immediately speaking to Mike that I was dealing with a winner. Michael has also produced and directed documentaries, commercials, music videos and industrials.

The video was taking place in Great Neck, Long Island at the North Shore LIJ Health facility. I arrived at 9 a.m. at the place. Okay, actually ten after nine since traffic was really backed up, but I called  (Hey I'm a fast talker...but I can't leap over cars yet.)

I was brought into the conference room where they had a delicious buffet breakfast and a make up artist waiting. Yes, in the same room. In case you have never been on a shoot (whether TV, video etc) here's the inside scoop. The make up artist can be set up anywhere...from in the ladies or men's bathrooms, to tiny closets, to designated rooms to in the hallway! The makeup artist is always a nice perk on a set, because on camera makeup is very different than just applying your own makeup. What looks good in the light of day can make you look washed out on camera. Thus why they call them artists.

Now this make up artist, Christy McCabe, was especially good because she also did hair. (Nope not all of them do...so your face could look good and your hair can look like its bad hat day at the zoo.)

After makeup we were ready to roll. The set up was pretty simple. It was Mike on one camera, and Anthony Richards on a second camera. Anthony was also the lighting tech. I was to improv the opening with some guidelines.

The guidelines were; that I was to introduce myself as the host of video, talk about my world records, and then mention the reasons why I was interested in being a part of this documentary...namely because I came from a family of smokers and I was the only one who managed not to get lured into the habit; second, because I was exposed to second hand smoke being a comic in nightclubs and then third was the clincher...my dad, Frank (Frankie Crooks for you Almost a Wise Guy fans) got cancer from smoking. The crazy part was he beat it twice and both times he started smoking again! The third time did him in.

I wanted some answers as to why in the world people would smoke when they knew the dangers and what better way to get answers than to be part of a documentary where I get to ask a panel of experts, (mainly registered nurses) one by one, these burning questions. (Yes, pun intended.)



Now the first expert up to bat was Virginia Reichert. We were both miked and in makeup. As with many of the experts in any field, many have never been on camera before, and while this is second nature to me...I realize it can make some people a tad nervous. The thing I told them was that they have important information to give to people...that they do this for a living and totally know their stuff and to just talk to me and forget the camera. I also told them how to "cheat forward" to the camera so that it looks like we are talking to each other.... but our faces are full front...so the whole video is not us in profile. Mike smiled as I did this...I guess he realized I was doing this to put people at ease, not to take over the project.

My one scripted question to Virginia was, "Is smoking really that bad? I mean, there are stories of people living to 101 years old that smoke like chimneys. So what's the deal?"

Virginia explained that there were over 4000 chemicals intentionally put in cigarettes these days. (In the old days it was more just the tobacco - not the added "goodies".) Today cigarettes have about 100 chemicals in them that are known carcinogens...in laymen's terms...they cause cancer. About 50 of the 4000 chemicals are tumor causing...and only a mere three of them are radioactive...so if you see a glowing person coming towards you...chances are they smoke.

So what are these chemicals that people are sucking into their bodies and paying for the privilege to do so?
Well half of them I couldn't even pronounce- which in itself is not a good sign.... but to give you an idea of what you or loved ones are putting in your mouth's if you do smoke, here's a partial list:

1. Acetaldehyde - which is used as a solid fuel.


2. Acetone - yup, the stuff that is used as a nail polish remover. So the next time you are at the nail salon, why not just down a jug?


3. Acrolein – this lovely chemical is used in tear gas. (And you thought you cried because of the smoke!)


4. Ammonia – I'm sure you've heard of that? After all, you use it to clean your toilet bowl.


5. Arsenic - if it kills rats...just think of how healthy it is for you!


6. Butane – Next time you need to light up the BBQ grill, why not just exhale and become the human lighter fluid.


7. DDT - need I say more?


8. Formaldehyde – You may have heard this term on the popular show, "Six Feet Under" Why? Because it's used to embalm dead bodies in funeral parlors – hey maybe you save this from the cigarette and just use it on your deathbed.
9. Hydrogen Cyanide - (Now you don't have to commit a crime to experience this pleasure...this chemical is used as a gas chamber poison...but hey, save the State Penitentiary the trouble...this is the do it to yourself at home version...comes in convenient white sticks.)


10. Methane - smells delicious as in swamp and sewer gas...the list goes on...

And recently, Virginia told us, the tobacco companies are spraying the tobacco leaves with ammonia because it helps a person get addicted faster...now there's a nice touch.



Next up was, Diane Bartscherer. Diane explained how the nicotine in the cigarette was the addicting factor and that nicotine can be as addictive as heroin or cocaine. She explained that the nicotine was only the additive agent not to be confused with the cancer causing agents. (I guess the other 4000 chemicals do a good enough job of that on their own.)

Diane also gave some starting facts, and just in case you might want to be on this planet for a long time...consider this:

• Each cigarette that you don't smoke adds 11 minutes to your life


• Each pack of cigarettes that you don't smoke adds three and a half hours to your life


• Each week's worth of cigarettes that you don't smoke adds one day to your life

Bottom line, you are likely to live 14 years longer if you don't smoke.

She said that there are a number of treatments that can help smokers quit such as behavior modification and FDA approved medications. She said that despite popular belief, "Cold Turkey" is not the best way to quit, and that many people try to quit but it sometimes takes several tries to be successful...but as I always say...."If you want to do something you find a way...if you don't you find an excuse." The bottom line is thousands have quit and you can too, you just have to get motivated.

After the Diane, we switched locations. A quick pat of makeup, a lighting change and we were set to go with Dan Jacobsen, a RN and former smoker himself.



Dan checked out my lungs, said they were healthy...which is always good to hear, and then we began our banter. I asked Dan, "How long does it take for the cravings to stop?" Dan was blunt, "The cravings don't stop...you just realize that it's not good for you so you don't go back...kind of like dating an ex-wife. " (Yeah, especially if she has a new husband!")

The documentary went on...with me talking to other RN's Chris Fardellone, Pat Folan, and Adrienne Egglingen, about why young people don't quit, how to prevent relapse back to smoking and using strategies like deep breathing, support groups and quit buddies to keep you on the pink lung track. I also asked about second hand smoke and found out that if you are in the room with a smoker, even if you open a window you are inhaling the same chemicals as the smoker and subject to the same illnesses. So much for having to stick the white tube of death directly in the mouth. Geez, now my friends can do it for me by just hanging out with me in a room. Hey what are friends for?

In children, second hand smoke can cause asthma, increases the risk of Sudden Infant Death syndrome and impairs a child's ability to learn - especially when it comes to reading and math. (Ah, now I can blame dear ole dad for my poor math scores!)

After we spoke to the RN's we switched gears. I spoke to medical receptionist, Karen Taylor who told me how new patients who called the Stop Smoking Program were handled, with everything from answering their costs of meds to quieting their fears and embarrassment of relapses. The bottom line is most people who called the center couldn't believe that the Stop Smoking program was FREE. It was free because the center gets grants. The more people that stop smoking the better it is not only for themselves but the health insurance companies as well because then less people are in the hospitals sick with related smoking sickness. So it works for all that the center is dedicated to helping people stop. The cool thing too is people don't only have to go to the center; the program goes out to schools, corporations, hospitals and professionals like doctors to teach them how to help and handle smokers who want to quit.

Finally, the documentary was wrapped up with me speaking to the Grant Coordinator, Mayumi Takatani. Mayumi is an ex-smoker. We spoke about her motivation to quit...which actually was quite plain to see, since she had an adorable two month old baby, Katherine in her arms.

Mayumi said,"This little angel was my incentive, to give my child a healthy start in life. It takes a strong incentive and love to do this, but I knew it had to be done. I made excuses in the past, but I couldn't do it with my child."

So what are some excuses that people use? If I stop smoking I'll gain weight. Okay so you rather be thin and dead? Seriously...some smokers, NOT ALL, gain weight after quitting...here's the reason as told to me by the experts, "Nicotine raises the rate at which your body burns calories (metabolic rate). When smokers stop, they burn fewer calories. Quitting smoking may make food taste and smell better. Nicotine is an appetite suppressant and without it some quitters tend to eat more, resulting in weight gain".

Okay, so knowing this here's how some ways to counter it:

1. Exercise (which releases endorphins – a feel good hormone)


2. Drink plenty of water (a good craving buster and also flushes out toxins)


3. Keep healthy snacks around (face it if you have a chocolate candy bar and an apple within arms reach most of us go for the chocolate – so keep that item in the candy store)


4. Learn to distract yourself. No you don't have to be Sybil to do this last one, or even take up juggling...just know that urges pass quickly...so if you feel the urge to smoke - dance, sing or call a friend - just do something till the mood passes. (Also think of the bright side, if you get the urge to smoke in public and you start to dance or sing you may pass around a hat and make some money...they key is learn to laugh at yourself during this whole process.)

At the end of the taping, I did a wrap up, did some more improv took some pictures with the director and then a gang shot and finally thanked them for all the information I learned.



As we said our goodbyes, they thanked me for adding my comedy to the piece and gave me a designer gift basket as a parting gift. I kissed them all goodbye (hey it's an Italian thing-I also took a nice roll to go.)

I walked out of there feeling great...feeling that if this documentary makes an impact on people and makes them realize that no one is immune...then we did a good thing. And in the end if it winds up winning an award as well, that would be all right by me.