I immediately emailed the video link to my close group of friends with the subject title, "I have the greatest son in the world."

I expected my friends to smile. What I didn't expect was the numerous responses I got...with most of my friends telling me that not only were they there for me if I needed them but that they cried at the video too, and started to pass it around. The comments of my friends were so touching they made me cry also...I lost a lot of water weight that day (and no it wasn't a woman's thing.)

Anyway in the midst of all the comments, one comment from my friend, John Basedow kept ringing in my head. He said, "You know you have a relationship with your son that parents would pay millions for." He was so right.

I went into Spencer's room and we had a long talk about why we both thought our relationship was so great...

Here are the top ten things we came up with so I thought I'd share them with you.

(Disclaimer: I am not a doctor nor do I play one on TV...these are the tried and true methods that have worked for me...without a PhD in child psychology.)

1- Parent first, friend next:
Even though Spencer and I are great friends...he appreciates (although not always at the time) that I discipline him. When you are a parent it is your job to guide your child, which means you are using your years of experience to let him know what is right and wrong.
Contrary to popular belief your children will not hate you for disciplining them. They will realize there are things they can and cannot do that are acceptable. By being a parent first you will prevent them from becoming spoiled brats and disrespecting you or others and you will save yourself the embarrassment of having to call the TV "Nanny" to straighten out your kids.

2- Guide, not dictate.
Now just because you need to be a parent first does not mean you have to be a dictator. No one responds well to dictatorship, and eventually all dictators get overthrown. So to prevent a battle of the wills, remember, everything is in the approach. Try saying, "Boy if you cleaned up this room, it would make Mommy very happy." As opposed to, "Clean up this room you slob."

Of course if you ask them to do it three times and then they don't...phase two has to come in. For example, one time when Spencer was two years old I told him it was bath time. He came into the bathroom and I told him to take off his clothes and get in the tub.

He looked at me, folded his arms and said, "I don't want to". I started the famous counting to three method (Not sure which parent came up with this one...but it usually works). I counted to three and nothing. He just stood there defiantly. I said, "Okay, then. If you don't take your clothes off mommy has to wash the clothes anyway, so I'll just put you and the clothes in the warm tub together. I could tell he didn't believe me. So I swooped him up and put him in the warm bath, jeans and all, then proceeded to wash them both. He was not a happy camper. He didn't like the feeling of the warm bath water shooting up his pants legs. He cried, "this feels gross!" I said, "hey, you wanted it this way, now turn so I can wash that pocket."
Then I took him out, took off his wet clothes and dried him off. "Next time you go in when Mommy says, got it!" He nodded his head yes.
From then on when I said, "Bath time!" he was in before I counted to one.

3- Program them to be spiritual winners.
Spiritual winners usually don't have time to be nasty people...they are too busy concentrating on their own self-improvement. (I say spiritual winners...because I mean those people who strive to be the best they can be on their own terms. Competitive winners can tend to be nasty people because they think it's about beating out others.)

Just as you are what you eat. you become the person you are by the type of thoughts and beliefs that are put in your head on a daily basis.
From the moment Spencer came home from the hospital I had put a sign on his crib with three sayings that I'd read to him every night. "God Guides me Always", "I am a winner" and "Nothing is Impossible."

My mom instilled the "nothing is impossible" mantra in my head so I figured I might as well pass it on. (After all it was that thinking that got me my world records and down to the Titanic.)

In addition, whenever Spencer was given reading assignments, I'd give him best selling spiritual books like "The Alchemist", "Way of the Peaceful Warrior" and "How to Win Friends and Influence people".
I told Spencer, "Hey people read these books when they are thirty and searching for the meaning in life. Read these now and get a good head start." (And yes we have already watched "The Secret" together.

4- Humor and Adventure
Laughter may not cure everything but it sure makes it a lot nicer while it's happening. Spencer and I have always found ways to joke with each other especially in the hardest of times. When he was in the hospital recently with 104.7 degree fever the first thing I said to him was, "Listen if you didn't want to go to school, you could have found a better way."

On that same note...make life an adventure, a happy adventure. Some of my best bonding with my son came when we were rock climbing or jet skiing, or sleeping in the ice hotel. Why? It stands out from the norm, makes life exciting, shows your kids that you still can have fun and be an adult too, and just plain makes you enjoy all the things the world has to offer. No kid is going to forget that.

5- Be honest & communicate - if they ask you a question answer it!
First off I believe you should always look people in the eye when you talk to them, especially your kids. When Spencer was two, I would get down on my knees and look him in the eye when I was explaining something to him. Now looking someone in the eye
is hard to do if you are not honest. It cracks me up when I know parents who have smoked pot, or spent a night in jail (Hey not every ones an angel) and don't tell their children. They want their children to be honest with them, but yet they are not honest with their kids!

If you did something and you want honestly in return...own up to it. The most common excuse I hear is, "Oh I can't tell my kids that I did that because they will run out and do it as well or use it as ammunition against me". Listen no offense, but usually the last thing your kids want to do is imitate you. I believe telling them what you did only makes you human. I told my kid about the time I tried my first (and only) cigarette, about the one time I got drunk (luckily cranberry juice does it for me these days) and about anything he asks me sexually. Why? If he asks I'm gonna tell. I rather him learn it from me then off the streets. First off, it's the truth. Second, I lead a pretty clean life so I have nothing to be ashamed of, and third...I tell him what my experience was like first hand. "Hey I tried a cigarette, made me choke...hated it...but I did try it". We were all kids at one time trying to figure out the world. It helps them to know how you did it, and often unless you are a mass murdered, the kids get a kick out of your childhood stories.

6- ENJOY LIFE - Love does not equal sacrifice - that's called guilt.
Live your life the way YOU want to live it...how the heck are you going to tell your child that they can be all they can be, if you are not living the life you want to? Be an example. Remember on an airplane they tell you to put your mask on first...why? Because you can best take care of someone you love if you are taking care of yourself. You have a lot more to give as a person if you love your life and are happy, then miserable and feel you are sacrificing all the time.
So if you feel like skydiving, taking piano lessons, climbing a mountain, becoming a black belt...whatever it is...do it! You are on this earth to be happy too. Love does not equal sacrifice...love should mean growth. You grow by your experiences and you can share that with those you love. Remember it doesn't have to be something big...it can be small too. For example I treat myself to a $10 chair massage at the nail salon every other week. It's simple but it feels great. (I've also treated Spencer to those massages as well.) We are on this earth for a limited amount of time...Live everyday as if it's your last, and one day you'll be right!

7 – Teach them Morals and responsibility at every age.
If you make a promise to your kid, keep it. Teach him that your word is your bond and that you expect the same of him. If you are not sure you can do something then don't promise it. Simple. There will be a lifetime of trust if you live this way.
And on that note...teach them age appropriate responsibility.
My family chipped in and got Spencer a car for high school graduation. My deal with him was...he is responsible for the upkeep.
So since it's not a new car...it's needed a few things...brakes, tires, a radiator, and transmission...you know little things like that.
While those can be expensive...I've made him pay for most of it, or in the big cases at least 50% so he knows that things don't come free

8- Be a friend to your child.
Give them the same tolerance you would a client or a friend. We often are more patient with strangers than our own family. Don't be so quick to judge them. We adults don't have it perfect, so why should they? Listen, and always be there to listen when they need you, not when it's convenient. Don't ever be too busy to hear their problems or they will go elsewhere. Do this and they will confide in you (well most of the time – after all you are a parent not a confessional.)

9- Don't discourage their dreams.
They are their dreams NOT yours. You got a chance to live your life the way you wanted to...and unless your life is perfect...stop putting your dreams on them. Just as you want them to celebrate your dreams, you celebrate theirs.
If they want to be a ballerina instead of a doctor...let them. (Yes even if they are boys! – okay hard one to swallow, but it's true.)
If they want to be pilot instead of a real estate mogul...let them. (Donald Trump in his book, "Art of the Deal" talks about his older brother being guilted into Real Estate... when all he wanted to be was a pilot...disappointment, unhappiness, depression, etc. led to his brother's early death.)

The only way your kids are going to be happy is to let them follow their bliss. (We are obviously not talking drugs here).

Now If you are dead set on them doing something...you can get them to try different things, like taking a law class lets say...but if it's not making them happy...then let them follow their dreams. You tried, they tried...end of story. The key is to be truly happy for them and their decisions. You know why a lot of teenagers commit suicide? Because they feel they are disappointing their parents. Don't kill your kid over a career choice! In heaven, last I heard God takes in all occupations.

10- Leave trails of love
There is nothing nicer than trails of loves. Little notes in their school lunch box, little gifts on their pillows, and of course telling your kids daily that you love them. Just going into their room randomly and saying, "You know you're a great kid...I love you."

And if right now you are not on great terms with your kids...don't wait for them to change...you change towards them. Stop complaining and for the next thirty consecutive days write in a journal all the great things you love about your kids. Believe me, once you change your focus, they will change. It's all about what you concentrate on.

I am truly lucky. Everyday before Spencer leaves this house he says, "Bye, Mom...Love you." And I say it back, (not the mom part of course.) I once said to Spencer after he had said it in front of his friends, "You know you don't have to say it in public if you don't want to." He said, "Hey, it's not my problem if the other kids don't have a great relationship with their moms. I'm not embarrassed. I'm lucky, so I say it."

And that to me says it all.