It all started when my mother, who must have been a weather person in a previous life, called me, "You know Frannie, we are supposed to have a bad snow storm starting Tuesday night. They are anticipating three to six inches. Aren't you supposed to fly out of JFK on Wednesday to San Francisco? If so be careful, say your prayers and dress warm."

Now getting a weather report from my mom is not unusual. In fact, she calls every single day with an update. It was just the timing of the whole thing.

I debated about flying out a day early, but had previous obligations that I couldn't shift around. I tried to think of the whole thing logically. First there was the fact that the weather people have been known to make predictions that didn't exactly go as planned. Second, planes take off in the snow...maybe a tad late, but they do take off. Third, and most importantly, Phil, the groundhog predicted, that winter was over.

But just in case man or beast were wrong, I made the best contingency plans I could. First, since we have a long steep driveway, I parked my Jeep down by the road so if it did snow heavily I'd only have to dig myself out a few feet in the morning. Second, I packed the car the night before so that I wouldn't have to waste time in the morning rolling my baggage over mounds of snow. Third, I put the snow pick in the front seat of the car, so I could easily wipe off any snow or ice I found on the car.

The next morning I woke up and there was barely any snow!

However a quick trip to the car, let me know it was terribly icy. Reports were coming in (both from my mom and the weather bureau) that La Guardia airport was closed. Apparently Phil the groundhog was either on groundhog crack when he made his prediction or he was laughing his butt off somewhere in a cozy cave, saying "These idiots! They believe me every year!" Either way, they were claiming this was the worst storm of the season!

I called JFK airport and checked with American Airlines. All flights were on time and the airport was opened. My flight was at 3:35 pm. I decided to give myself an extra two hours traveling time, so I left at 11 a.m. Good thing I did that since apparently the snow plow people decided not to bother shoveling the highways. (I think they were in the cave with Phil.)

It was amazing. Everyone was driving at a snails pace (okay, maybe a turtles pace). Those who didn't, wound up kissing bumpers with other cars. I saw four accidents in my sojourn to the airport!

At that moment I had to laugh at myself..."Wow, I'm driving on an icy unplowed road, in a snow storm, to catch a plane, whose wings will probably have to be de-iced to give a motivational speech at a Safety Convention! Talk about ironic!

As I was maneuvering around swerving cars, I called Andy at PG&E and told him the situation. While I was still in route Andy checked the flight status. "Mmm, bad news Fran. It says all flights out of JFK are cancelled".
"Cancelled till further notice? Or cancelled for the day?"
"Don't know yet. How far are you from the airport?"
"Fifteen minutes...I'm going in."
Andy and I agreed that maybe the flights would open back up once the snow was removed.

As a backup plan, I used the last 15 minutes of travel time to work alternative plans. I asked Andy if they had video conferencing capabilities. He said he'd check. In the meantime I called a place in Manhattan, got a rate, found out they had space available for tomorrow morning at the time I was supposed to speak and said I'd call them back. I also called a friend of mine, Jim Kwik who was out in San Francisco that week to see if he could jump in for me at the last minute, in case the video conferencing wasn't an option. Unfortunately Jim was now stuck in a Chicago airport, and Andy called back and said that they didn't have big screen conferencing capabilities set up in that building. Okay...back to the original plan...try to fly out of the airport.

Before I parked the car in the lot, I stopped a security guard outside of departures. "Excuse me can you tell me if flight 85 is flying out?"
He went inside the building. In a minute he came hurrying out. "Not only is it flying out...its on time. You better hurry or you'll never make it through security."
Wow, good thing I decided to come to the airport.

I quickly parked my car, dragged my two bags across the snow and ice (which isn't an easy task) and ran inside the terminal. I came to an abrupt halt. There were huge lines everywhere. No one was moving. Only airport personnel were scurrying about. I looked on the boards. Yup according to the boards the planes were all on time and still taking off. Apparently the board operator didn't work at the airport. I decided to try the self-check in kiosks...but they were shut down as well. Looks like waiting was the name of the game. Something I'm not very good at since I'm an action person.

I called Andy to give him an update. Hundreds of us stood on line watching American Airline personal talking to one another...it looked like each one was getting a different story. Whenever I'd ask some official looking person what was happening, I was told, "Honey, your guess is as good as mine. We don't know yet." Finally a man in a gray suit with a walkie-talkie, and some guy in a blue suit took charge.

They announced that everyone with a scheduled flight after 4 p.m. needed to move to a different line. People shifted around, yet were making deals with new found friends to "save their spots" just in case this was wrong information.

Those still on my line were told. "Okay, everyone on this line... You will have to rebook your flight. Only the flights after 4 pm will be departing." I looked at my line. There were at least 70 people ahead of me. If I waited to get to the counter to rebook to a later flight...all the seats would be taken. My next booking from the looks of it would be sometime in June!

Being alone on line I didn't want to lose my spot. So instead I called three people; my son, Spencer; my neighbor, Wanda and Andy. I asked each of them to try to book a later flight for me. Spencer and Wanda were trying to get me a flight via their computer. They called me back a few times. Meanwhile Andy was calling American Airlines direct and was on hold.

I waited on line reading my book, knowing all that can be done was being done. All of a sudden I hear a commotion behind me. There were only two people on line behind me and one of them decided to start a fight. The taller guy says to the little guy who is directly behind me, "Hey, mister." The little guy ignores him.
The taller guy says, "Hey, what does that tear tattoo on your face mean?"
The little guy says, "It means nothing, it's just a tattoo."
At this point I know there was going to be a problem. In case you haven't' heard...usually a tattoo of a tear on someone's face means they have killed someone. It usually has to do with gangs, I'm told mostly Hell's Angels, and it is usually someone they killed while in prison. I could tell by the tall guys tone that he heard this rumor as well and was trying to confirm it right here in the airport behind where I was standing. I kept reading.
The tall guy continues, "I'm talking to you! What does that tear mean?"
The little guy ignores him.
Then the big guy walks in front of the little guy and stands hovering over him, looking down and puts his face two inches from the little guy. "I asked you a question." At this point the little guy says, "What the **** is your problem?"
"You!" and then he pokes the little guy.
The little guy snaps, "Get out of my face!"
"Just tell me what the tear is for!"
"It's for a friend that died!"
"Bull—"
"What is your problem?" says the little guy.
"You moved in front of me on line when I went to the bathroom!" says the taller guy.
"Then move ahead asshole!"
So the big guy takes his stuff and puts it in front of the little guy.
Then he turns to the little guy. "Sorry about that chief. No hard feelings."
The little guy says, "Just leave me alone."
"Hey, I'm trying to apologize...you are obviously not from New York where we let things like this roll off our backs."
The little guy doesn't answer.
The taller guy gets mad. "Hey, I said I was SORRY!"
Then he turns to me, "Hey lady...do you think I have an anger management problem?"
I just look at him, "Listen, I'm trying to read my book here. Leave me out of it."
"No, I want to know if you think I have an anger problem."
At this point while I debate my best course of action, the little guy leaves the line. I'm thinking if this guy doesn't stop, I'm soon going to have a tattoo on my cheek.
The hothead is staring down at me. He grins. "Well, do I have an anger problem?"
"Okay." I said, "You want to know the truth? You were over the top. The poor guy is just standing there and you attacked him. Personally, I wanted to kick your ass and I can say that since I'm from New York."
He laughs. "Wow. Really? Must be the copper!"
"What?"
"Yeah, my herbologist says I have too much copper in my body, and that it can make a person act irrational without warning."
"Great just take the pennies out of your pocket then and you should be fine!"
"No really I'm...."

At that moment I was saved by the bell. Andy called, "Good news! I rebooked your flight. You are leaving on flight 177 at 5:45. You'll be here at 9:30 pm."
"Yes!"
I hung up, grabbed my belongings and nodded goodbye to the tall copper guy.
"Hey where you going? I'll save a space for you."
I smiled, "Ah, Yeah you do that."

I went to the other line to get my boarding pass. I was stopped by AA personal.
"Where are you going mam?"
"To stand on the line with those with flights after 4 p.m."
"We're not doing that anymore. You need to stand over there where all those other people are in front of the information booth. A guy will come around, announce a flight, and then everyone on that flight will follow him."

I thought that was the most insane thing I ever heard of. All the passengers from all the flights taking off were huddled in one huge mass of about 400 people around the information booth. I shrugged and went over.

Sure enough a few minutes later I hear the guy in the blue suit yell out, "ANYONE FOR DALLAS?"
People raised their hands, and Mr. blue suit yells out, "Okay follow me." Like a Shepard leading his sheep, about hundred people follow in mass.

I managed to find some fellow San Francisco passengers and we hung together. One lady, Joyce and I became buddies. Turns out she works for Gilda's Organization, knows a couple of comics I know and might be in the market for my speaking services...small world.

It was now 5:00 p.m. and our group was still not called. The skies outside were blue, so we saw no reason for the planes not to take off. I asked a female AA personal what the deal is.
"Oh yes, San Francisco was called, go stand on that line."
"What? None of us heard it."

All 25 of us rush to get on the line to get our boarding passes and check our luggage. Just then Mr. Blue suit yells at us. "Why are you getting on this line?"
"We were told by that lady that our flight was called."
"No it wasn't. Now please get off this line and go stand back there. I will tell you when to get on line. "

We all get off the line again. Now we are standing next to some woman with show dogs. I felt like I was in sitcom. Where's the John Basedow reality crew cameras when you need them!
I call Andy to give him an update. "Still no boarding pass...but they said we are okay and we are definitely flying out."

Finally, Mr. Blue suit tells us we can get on line. While on line I hear, "Final boarding call for flight 377 to San Francisco."
"What! Joyce did you hear that? Hold my spot."
I rush off the line to the guy in the gray suit with the walkie-talkie.
"Hey I heard final boarding call for my flight. There is a group of us who were just told to get on line. Is the flight leaving?"
"Yes mam."
"No it can't! Hold the flight!"
"Why how many are you?"
"About 25!"

He radios to the gate. "Hold the plane, I have rebooked passengers here."
We are rushed to another line, given boarding passes, rushed through security and told to run to the gate. I run without putting my shoes or belt back on!"

We get to the gate (which was a good football field away) and show our passes. Now the standbys are furious. "Hey they were late! They should lose their seats!"
I turn to them, "We weren't late...we were there for 5 hours!"
We board the plane.

Feeling I had my day's workout I sit down and breathe a sigh of relief. I call Andy. He's not answering. I call, Alfred. (Alfred is the guy who told Andy about me in the first place. Alfred has volunteered to pick me up at the airport even though his wife baby is due any day now.) "Alfred we are on the plane ready to take off. It's going to be late. Are you sure your wife isn't going to have her baby while in transit?"

"No we are fine. But I am at the hospital with my grandmother."
"What! Okay, Listen I'll take a cab when I get there! This obviously has been a hectic day for all."

I sit back. Captain announces, "We just have to wait a few minutes to load the cargo...seems the bays are stuck in the snow...it'll just take a few minutes."

The lady next to me, Heather and I start talking to pass the time.

Joyce waves at me from her seat. It is now 6:00. Skies are still blue. We are all ready.

6:30 p.m.– "Ladies and gentleman seems we are having a problem with the cargo bin...it should be just a few minutes longer."

6:45 p.m.– "Okay, the cargo is loaded, but we sat so long that the wings have to be de-iced. The truck should be here soon."

In the meantime...to keep us occupied, the flight attendants put a movie on the screen. "The Prestige." I thought...yeah we could use some magic about now.

Then Heather and I decided to create our own magic, we were very hungry and no food was being served. We managed to convince the flight attendant to sneak some sandwiches to us in a blanket. Magically they appeared and we happily paid for them.

7:30 p.m. Finally the wings were de-iced. I called Alfred to give him an update. He says, "You're on the ground? According to the flight tracker you already left." I guarantee him that we are still on the runway, but that I will call him when we take off. My cell phone is dying so I want to save the call for that.

8:00 p.m. Captain announces, "Ladies and gentleman seems we have been moved to another runway, a shorter runway. Which makes us too heavy to take off. We have to speak to the Port Authority to determine if we can go. They should be here shortly." He apologizes for delay.

9:00 p.m. Port authority still has not arrived to make determination. Movie is over. The magic is gone and we are still sitting on the runway.

9:30 p.m. We taxi back to the gate, but are not allowed to get off. The port authority is deciding if we can take off. They announce, "Those who no longer wish to fly with us can get off the plane, but your luggage will fly on to San Francisco."

10:00 p.m. Final call from the Captain. "I apologize but the Port Authority has cancelled this flight." We will be on the plane for a short will longer. Your bags will be at the baggage claim. I call Alfred and tell him. He says he'll try to get Andy. They had a back up speaker on hold just in case, they have to contact him as well.

10:30 p.m. We are finally let off the plane.

People are scrambling to find hotels for the night –everything is booked. Others are trying to get their flights rebooked for the next day. I offer Heather and Joyce to stay at my mom's house with me, who lives ten minutes from JFK. Joyce has her comic brother-in-law pick her up. Heather takes my offer. We all wait and joke for a while about what happened.

11:00 p.m. Still no luggage.

Midnight - Still no luggage. The humor is staring to wear off. Myself and five other passengers find the man in the gray suit. We ask him to check what happened, since other people are getting their luggage from other flights that are landing. We are told they have to deal with the planes coming in first or they will get a $10,000 fine. We argue that we are passengers as well, have sat on a plane for 4 ½ hours and now are waiting for our luggage. He calls control tower. They promise us our luggage shortly.

1 p.m. I have now been at the airport for twelve hours. Our luggage arrives. Heather and I drive to my mom's house. We have quite a story to tell. Later I found out Heather works in publishing. I give her two copies of my books.

The next morning Andy gets a substitute speaker. Heather rebooks her flight for Sunday. I hang out with my mom and niece. Never in a million years would I have thought so little snow and ice could have caused such havoc. People say, "Maybe the plane would have crashed, maybe there was a reason you didn't make it."

I try to look at the good side "While I bummed that all my efforts didn't get me to my destination... you never know what tomorrow holds."

Tomorrow came, and with it, a message from Andy. "Well lady it ain't over yet. We'd still like to have you out here. Normally we just have a yearly event, but we'd like to make plans while you are still fresh in people's minds to have you come out in about a month if that works for you."

I smile as I read the email. Well, well, well...Whadda ya know. It just proves that every cloud does have a silver lining...even if it's covered in ice for a while.