Fran's World…and Welcome to It!

Flash Forward to Friday - Judging The Laff Off.
Janette is dropped off at my house by her boyfriend, Barry who she calls perfect. We drive the entire one and a half hours to the Marriott in Huntington, Long Island where the Laff Off is being held. We talk the entire way and still have more to say in the parking lot. That's either the mark of true friendship or a bad case of verbal diarrhea. We agree that as soon as the contest is over we are out of there because we have a long drive back.

In the parking lot we encounter one of the contestants, a comic we know.
We hug him hello and then check to see that there are no cameras.
"Hey we better not hug. People are going to think you're slipping us a 50 to pay us off for votes."
"You mean that wouldn't work?"
"Nah, have to be a hundred at least."
We laugh and wish him good luck in the contest.

We walk inside and there are huge banners, WELCOME TO THIRD ANNUAL LAFF OFF."

We are escorted to the "Judges chambers" which are across the hall from the contestants. Each group is sequestered behind closed doors. We walk in and start to search out the other judges we know.

As I'm scanning the room, I notice this very well built, blonde hair guy sitting at a table. His muscles are bulging out of his shirt. That guy is definitely not a comic… but I know him. I glance over again. Then I realize.

"Hey you're that fitness guy!" I say walking over.
He smiles, "Yes, John Basedow nice to meet you."
"That's right. Fitness Made Simple right?"
"Yup."
"Okay, so how did a fitness guy get to be a comedy judge?"
"Donna Drake does voiceovers for me… she's the one who puts this whole thing together. She asked me to be a celebrity judge. So here I am."
"Ah yes, Donna and I do voiceovers together too, and I've done her radio and TV show a couple of times, she's great. We go way back."

We continue to talk. Quite honestly, it was very distracting to look at him. His muscles were great and you just wanted to squeeze them and go… man are those Popeye biceps real?

Soon Janette and I make the rounds and meet the familiar faces of the other judges; Ben Carrizzo, President of Command Performance Entertainment, and I always sit next to each other at the Laff Off. Seems we score almost identical and get a real kick out of seeing each others scores after there in. All night long we are like two kids covering our papers to make sure the other doesn't cheat.

Ben used to be at William Morris Agency that represented Miami Sound Machine, Kenny Loggins, Bill Cosby and the Temptations. Now he manages over a bunch of acts, one of my favorites being the celebrity host for the evening, comic Bob Nelson. Bob is a Long Island legend and used to belong to this group called the magnificent seven… a group of seven comics which consisted of Eddie Murphy and Jackie Martling (of Howard Stern Fame) to name a few. Bob is famous for his football character, Jiffy Jeff, a brain damaged player who goes off on crazy tangents. Johnny Carson loved him and Rodney Dangerfield and he were buddies. Dangerfield actually jump started Bob's career by putting him in two of his HBO specials. Bob was even in that Schwarzenegger film called, Kindergarten Cop and to top it off, he has won an Emmy.

The other judges were Alan Frankel (who hosts his own Long Island radio show),
Tim Homayoon (who writes for Saturday Night Lives weekend update), Howard Moore (who runs Uptown Comedy Connection), Barbara Meyers (who runs Admire Entertainment and ironically has in her roster past "Last Comic Standing Winners" - a fact I didn't find out till AFTER I left the event.) And last but not least Donna McKenna, casting director and independent film producer who has one many movies including the one I was in called, The Signs of the Cross which won two film festivals in 2005).

Photographers came in took shots for the local paper of all us "celebrity judges." Posed shots, candid shots, shot's of us with our mouths full… the gambit. I was of course looking around to make sure there were no reporters from the Post.

After the photos died down, Donna Drake the coordinator of this fund raising event comes in and goes over the contest rules. "Thanks for coming. As you know the Laff Off is a contest where 16 comics were chosen out of a pool of entries. They will each do six minutes of material and can be disqualified if they go over time. You are my wonderful, nine "celebrity" judges. You each will be given a sheet to score up points. After each comic, score it and pass it over to the tabulator at the end of your table. The categories are judged from one to five, five being the highest. The comics are judged on stage presence, originality, ability to relate to the audience, overall funniness and a wild card bonus points to throw in. The comic with the most points wins. There are two awards, an audience choice award and judge award. That's it. Have fun. Thanks for coming."

Now with all the intros, kisses, hugs, hellos, pictures and instructions out of the way, I was finally able to gobble down some food. I turned my back of course because the last thing I wanted was for Mr. Fitness to watch me chow down on fried food. I wouldn't be able to look him in the eyes and say, "I can't understand why I just can't loose those extra few pounds!" With stomachs full, the judges were now ready to begin deciding the fates of the 16 funny men and woman for the night.

We entered the Grand Ballroom. We took our seats, the lights went down and the show began. Bob, warmed up the audience with his hysterical bits, putting props on his head like a toilet plunger which served as a yamuka with an antenna, and he even made a reference to Mr. Fitness saying he was a client of John Basedow's. Then he turned sideways revealed his beer belly and said, "How am I doing?" Everyone laughed.

After the warm up the contest began. The first spot is always the hardest. You are the guinea pig. The first comic went up and was obviously nervous… he was sweating a bit, and was shouting into the microphone. I didn't want to cover my ears because I didn't want him to think I wasn't listening… but I gotta tell ya… I think I broke an eardrum.

The night progressed nicely. Comic after comic went on. I was very conscious to make sure I was smiling and looking at them. Comedy is a hard business, especially when you only have six minutes to get the audience to like you, want you and laugh with you.

Most of them were great. One nameless comic… well I'm not sure exactly what language he was speaking, but it wasn't English. I looked over at Janette and then Ben and we all just shrugged our shoulders. Here's a good rule of thumb. If you are telling jokes in English, make sure you master the language.

Three comics nailed their performances. I gave them perfect scores of 25. Stevie GB, who bills himself as the world’s funniest accountant", Steve Lazarus, best known as the beer man of Yankee Stadium, and Joe Devito, who looks like the Verizon guy's twin brother.

Finally the end of the night came. Bob Nelson announced the winners. "And the winner of the audience choice award goes to… Stevie GB… the accountant." Cheers, shouts, yells, applause. A pat on the back of congratulations and flowers from Donna Drake.

Then a moment of comedic realization. You know these are two words you never think you're going to hear in the same sentence, funny - accountant. But this guy was hysterical. The only problem is the audience choice award doesn't get you a dime. But Bob Nelson in his comedic kindness said, "You know the winner gets $500 and gets to open up for me doing five minutes at my next show. Since I can't give you that. I'll give you the next best thing. I'll let my manager manage you for five minutes."

The audience laughed and then Bob told him he could do five minutes also at one of his shows.

Next was the moment of anxiety in any competition. Bob bellowed… "And the winner of this years Laff Off contest is…"Joe DeVito." Joe comes up to the stage. Bob hands him the cash envelope. Devito looks inside and takes it out. Bob and him pretend to split it. The audience laughs.

A few more thank you's, photos on stage with all the judges and the winner for the newspapers, and the show is over.

Janette and I pick up our bags to leave. Before we comics swarm to the judges table, dropping business cards, others asking for advice, still others just saying hi. Janette and I looked at each other, smiled and put our bags down. This was not going to be a case of people waiting in line and being sent home empty handed.

The show ended at midnight. Janette and I were still answering questions at 1:30 a.m. By now the tables were all put away, the lights and stage equipment broken down, and the waiters and others had long left.

Finally with the place about to close, and everyone but the janitor gone,
I said, "Well so much for heading straight home after the event."
"Yeah, but I felt we needed to answer everyone."
"Me too. You do realize we won't be home till 3 AM." I smiled.
"Well, that's what we get for being softy's in the business."
"Yeah and you want to see something ironic. Look around. We are the true last comics standing."

Judge and Be Judged Part 3

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