But that’s my first thought when I popped into seat 10C aboard my flying elevator with a jet engine strapped to it, all the way from New York to Charlotte. Check out the photo on the right. There is no embellishment here. This is my view aboard flight #2439. The airline advertised it as a direct flight. They managed to leave out the part that my legs would be scrunched up into my intestines.

Okay, I’m taller then average at 6’1, but it’s not like I’m Shaquille O’Neil. Then again, I’m guessing Shaq doesn’t do much flying in coach. Is it too much to ask for enough room so I don’t have to count the individual hairs on the head of the guy in front of me?

And while I’m on the topic of this friendly flier, may I say thank you for reclining your seat all they way back into my lap! It’s the only time in my life I’ve wished for an uncontrollable sneezing attack. A few good hacking coughs would have put this guy in the forward and upright position.

So I managed to survive this two hour ordeal and get stretched back out. I simply visited Willy Wonka and went to the Taffy Pulling room. Remember? That’s where the Oompa Loompas were able to save Mike TV.

With this ordeal over, I figure it will be years before I’m ever stuck in such a confined space again. Well, less than 48 hours later, Mike and I met Myrtle Hilton. See the picture right over there, that’s Myrtle’s little trailer. What’s in there you ask? Golf Clubs, camping gear a cockfighting arena? No, not so lucky. You see Myrtle is a traveling piano teacher and yep, that little contraption there is her entire studio!

I had talked to Myrtle and set this story up. It sounded quirky and she seemed like a nice lady. I knew it would be small in there. That was the point of the story. But I at least figured I would be able to get inside the camper to take pictures of Myrtle giving her lessons. Once again it became evident why Mike is the brains of the Traveler outfit.

When I take pictures, it is three layers: me, the camera and a tripod. Without one of those pieces to the puzzle, it doesn’t work to well. Here’s another picture. There’s Mike with Myrtle, the camera and the tripod. That’s right, no room for me! So all I could do was press the record button and hope it came out looking respectable.

I tried every combination, camera with no tripod…too shaky. I went in with the tripod first, no room for the camera. I was stumped. Mike was too. Two pretty bright guys had no idea how to do this story. The only thing missing was Moe to clunk our heads together. Wow, Bruce Willis, Willy Wonka and the Three Stooges all in one page!

So as I sit thumbing through the yellow pages for a chiropractor, the thing I’m left with, besides a re-broken back, is the hope that somehow Mike and I can save this story in the edit room. I guess we’ll know when we all see it on TV. Gotta run, the Oompas Loompas are knocking again.

See you Saturdays at 7:30 pm

Andy Benton
Carolina Traveler Lackey