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WCNC BLOG |
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September 2009
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Editor's note: Sonja Gantt bloggs each week for The Charlotte Observer's mommy site, MomsCharlotte.com. "They give better advice." That's why my middle schooler says talking to her friends is more fun than talking to me. She was smiling while saying it and we laughed but on some level I think she was serious. I find that funny and a bit absurd. One piece of advice about teenagers from a former youth minister at my church was ... keep them talking. She said kids are hearing some crazy things today and you won't know just how crazy and be able to interject a different line of thought and reasoning unless you keep them talking. I was recently reminded of the truthfulness of that advice after a conversation with several of Gabrielle's friends. They are all accomplished in different ways, great soccer players, writers, actresses and swimmers. They have fathers and mothers who adore them. And yet it was clear to me that what they thought of themselves was strongly influenced by the opinions of others. I bet you know who the others are. Apparently the only qualification is that you be in sixth, seventh or eighth grade. Peer pressure is certainly nothing new and every school has an "in" crowd. But somehow hearing, as a mother, how deeply it was affecting these talented, beautiful and unique young ladies was a little unsettling. Another mother, a father and I shared our thoughts, advice I'm sure they'd heard before. In fact it's probably a speech you've given if you're the parent of a pre-teen. Usually the talk includes some of the following points ... clothes have nothing to do with character ... remember the qualities of a true friend ... and be true to yourself and your values basically trust yourself. At some point they may have tuned us out. I hope not. I want them to always feel comfortable sharing and open to hearing a different perspective than what they hear at school. Pre-teens have a way of "dismissing" you that isn't disrespectful but clearly lets you know that yours is no longer the only voice they hear. But I think it's my job to keep asking questions to the point of forcing conversation so that the voices of the "others" on the bus, in the hallways and in class don't overwhelm mine. I know we all have the goal of raising children who believe they are capable, worthy and loved. But we can't ever assume that they simply "know" these things. We have to ask them what they think of themselves and encourage them to be honest. And when we get answers we don't expect we shouldn't panic but instead take the opportunity to share a different perspective. After all even though parents may not be in the "in" crowd we can safely say we CARE about them the most. Let's keep them talking... 1 CommentsLeave a comment |
Man, I am so glad that I'm not the only one wondering where my little girl goes sometimes. There are times when she wants "Mommy" and I try to cherish those times because I know that they are going to get fewer. My newest job that I have come to acquire is "Dentist". Because it is like pulling teeth to get her to answer my questions when I get home from work. I should be accustom to this because I have a 16 year old son, but it still doesn't help knowing that my "baby" is growing up. I don't think that I am ready for it, but then again, who is?