We cleared our barracks and our baggage was loaded back on to buses headed for the Kansas City airport. It was about 4 a.m. when the buses came. All of the soldiers from my class were standing outside saying their last goodbyes to each other.

What disturbed me the most was that there were certain teams where the members didn’t a say a word to each other when they got on the bus! I was able to find a few members of my team. The first person I found was the officer that I worked with from day one. “Sir, I just want to thank you for coaching, training and mentoring me.” His response to me was mutual but I could tell by his demeanor that he wanted this conversation to quickly end.

I found a few more team members and expressed my thanks to them and promised to keep in touch when I got back home. Call me a fool if you like but I felt a sense of loss when I got on the bus. We were 11 guys that have been together for 15 months and no one was making an effort to end our time together on a good note. It’s sad that it had to come down to this.

I arrived in Charlotte at 10:37 a.m. to the cheers of supporting family, friends and people who just wanted to welcome us back home. That night before I went to bed I sat down and wrote my team members this email, it read:

Hello Team Dirty,

This is me MSG Lewis. It's about 11 p.m. and of course I am fully awake while my family is still asleep in their beds. I know it will be just a matter of days when I will be back on schedule. The nature of this email is to do something that I felt was necessary. I have to confess that when we all were at Fort Riley I thought we would have one time to be together but the circumstances, be what they may, prevented us to do so.

All of you have known me to be the passive, quiet, and jovial one of the group. I never claimed to be the best soldier on the team but I was always open to learning anything. We have been together for 15 months! While at Fort Riley I noticed by the other teams that it was time for everyone to go home to their families. I observed also the bruised and irritated feelings everyone had towards each other.

You all know that I am a man of faith. Even though my beliefs are different than yours there is one thing that is always true for me. That is to say “thank you.” I want to thank each and every one of you for being on the team with me. I thank you for being who you are and just doing your part to help when those days got hard for me. I won't bore you with the details but each and every one of you have played a significant role in my life. I also believe that living isn't about similarities but differences. I know that there are things that we don't like about each other and that we were never best buddies. In my eyes those differences made you all unique and at times fun to be with.

So in closing, I say again "thank you" and I pray for your continued success in whatever endeavor you choose to pursue for your life. I know we 'men' are not emotional creatures but I felt that I couldn't close this chapter on my life without saying “thank you.”

Take care and God bless,

MSG Roy (Big Lew) Lewis

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Experience coming to an end

It’s December 1st! I never thought it would get here! I have about 21 days until I walk in the door of my Charlotte home to see my wife and children.

My journey started September 22nd of 2006 in Fort Riley, Kansas. I can’t believe that this experience is finally coming to an end. I’m sitting outside my trailer watching the sun set as the evening air grows cold and brisk.

I will be soon walking the streets of Charlotte again going to my favorite Starbucks shop that is located in the Bank of America atrium at the corner of Trade and Tryon Street. I will have my usual, which is a Venti bold coffee with a shot of hazelnut flavoring.

I can’t help but feel a sense that a piece of me will end up staying here. This country has a long way to go before any major changes can take place. The special interests groups and of course the influence from Iran are just a few issues facing this poor nation.

Now that I have been living here I can put faces to this place. I can set the sights and sounds of this place to my memories. I remember the first time driving down the streets of Baghdad and seeing a man riding in a cart in the mid afternoon traffic that was being pulled by a donkey.

I can recall the first time that I tasted fresh bread from the marketplace. I remember the first time I did the traditional Iraqi greeting between men where they kiss each other on the cheek followed by the word “salaam.” I remember when the summer days were at least a 120 degrees and how at the end of the day my uniform was soaked thoroughly with my own sweat.

For some strange reason I sense this feeling of not wanting to leave. I don’t know why but I know I have embraced an understanding of this place and its culture. In some ways Iraq has embraced me as well. There are so many things that I have learned about the Iraqi people. They have laughed at my sense of humor and have at times told me that I have some Iraqi blood in me because I am not afraid to partake in their customs or courtesies.

I guess the real truth is that I have been put in a unique situation to come out of my American lifestyle and explore something that is totally different then me. To my surprise, I like it. This might be true but at the same time I have grown into a deeper appreciation of who I am as an American. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world! I am so proud of my country’s accomplishments especially when the United States takes the blame for many of the world’s problems. I wish everyone could see how the United States is such a positive presence in the rest of the world! I can see it in the eyes of these people. They really want the benefits of what we enjoy as Americans. Their only problem is that they are not willing to make the same sacrifice we did as a nation to get it.

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Incoming! Incoming!

"Attention, Attention – incoming, incoming!” is the voice that awakens me from my sleep. I look at my watch and it’s about 6:45 a.m. I have been here almost a year and I have not heard anything like that before.

I quickly jump up and put on my sandals and go to have a look outside. I don’t see anyone running or taking cover. All I can see is the contract workers sitting in the bunkers that are located in between our trailers. I can still hear the voice alert over the public address system saying over and over again “Attention, Attention – incoming, incoming!”

I notice my heart is racing. I don’t know what to expect as I am looking in the sky to see if I can see at least a barrage of rockets coming in my direction. I don’t know if I should take off running to one of the nearest bunkers myself.

It is a cold brisk morning and the sun is slowly coming up bringing with it more daylight. Then all of a sudden I hear the voice again, “All clear, All clear.” What are these people trying to do to me?

When I first came here they would announce over the public address system that there would be a controlled ‘detonation’ in five minutes. When they would announce it you would know that in five minutes you would hear a loud blast.

I can tell that this is a new unit here. If this was a test of the emergency alert system it would help to let us know so that we wouldn’t run out of our rooms frantically taking cover! This doesn’t help especially when I have to be dressed in one hour to leave and go outside the camp into the heart of Baghdad.

Click here for more on Sgt. Roy.

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In Iraq for Thanksgiving

It’s Thanksgiving! We are given the day off. The mess has prepared a beautiful meal for us at the mess hall.

When I walk into the dinning room there is an ice sculpture that is a poor attempt by someone to tried to shape it into a swan. I am not complaining; I really appreciate the effort. Against the wall is a table that has about seven gingerbread houses on it. Each house is decorated with an assortment of candies and trimming that were made out of strips of icing.

I grab my tray and stand in the long serving line. I finally make my way up to the front to where there are five guys who are serving the side dishes such as mash potatoes, gravy, stuffing, carrots and yes my favorite sweet potatoes!

I have my plate loaded with my side dishes and I make my way to the guy in the chef’s hat that is craving a turkey that has been smoked. I was certain that we were going to get the Army’s version of a turkey, which is usually a processed turkey roll.

The chef carved me two beautiful pieces of turkey and put them on my plate. I got my drinks and found my place at a table.

I sat there and bowed my head for a moment of prayer. I thanked God for protecting me and my team while we are here in Iraq. I thanked God for my precious wife and kids. I thanked God for my parents, family and friends. I could feel tears begin to well up in my eyes. I really wanted to be home right now. I was home sick for the moment.

It was then that a few members from my team sat down beside me and started talking. Their presence snapped me right out of it. These guys were my family right now. I can’t imagine just how much they were missing their families too. We all were in the same boat together. All we have is each other. I finished my prayer by thanking God for them. The turkey was off the chain!!

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Less than 30 days until home

There hasn’t been much going on in the past few days since returning from the training facility.

My time has been spent running around doing things such as inventories, mailing my personal items home, and buying supplies for our team room.

We are down to seven guys left on our team. We had one that was transferred because of his conduct and the other three were assigned because they refused to work our team chief. This is the guy that I have written about in the past few months.

As we draw close to the end of this mission it is evident to me after talking to other teams that the individuals that end up being moved around from team to team are always not the best people. In other words teams will not give up their best people. So what usually happens is that other teams will pick up another team’s problems.

This is the case for my team. This has happened to us not only once but twice!

What we have here is an inexperienced officer that is so bad at leading that the decisions he makes sometimes can become life threatening not only to him but also to the welfare of our team!

When confronted he becomes defensive whenever anyone offers a suggestion or option that is different than his. Because of this my team has totally shut down mentally and now everyone has become unmotivated and isolated.

What is embarrassing to me is that our chief has gotten a bad reputation with the higher command that supports us. He has also managed to pull this off with the Iraqis as well.

There was one evening at the training facility that the Iraqi National Police command hosted a dinner in which all of the training teams were invited. There was a table set up for our team to sit with our Iraqi officers. When everyone took their seats they managed to have our chief sit way down at the other end of the table in between two young Iraqi officers!

The atmosphere among the guys is that we are just under 30 days until we go home. The damage is done and let the pieces fall where they may.

For me, it has been a good year living here in Iraq. I’ve experienced many things that I will probably never get the chance to do again. There is also a piece of me that feels that I have done everything that I know to do. I have given my best and now it’s time for me to return home to my family.

I am grateful for my time that I have spent here in Iraq being an American soldier. I have no regrets. My team has been through a lot; the internal problems just only add to the drama.

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Rocket attacks

There has been an increase of rocket attacks on our camp!

I don’t have a television in my room so I don’t know what the news wires are saying. I guess it doesn’t matter because the truth is, if it happens here I would know firsthand before it hit the mainstream news media.

What’s strange about these attacks is that it’s about 4 p.m. and usually we get this in the mornings. I can feel the impact shake my trailer. I get up from my desk and go outside to have a look. I can see a small black mushroom cloud in the distance. The stream of black smoke can be seen about a mile away, but the impact feels like it landed just outside my door!

I have just about 32 days to go and this is one thing that I will not miss! As I’ve stated before, the mentality here is to continue what you were doing before the rocket hit the camp. It does no good to run out in a panic to the shelter. Those that do that, we can tell that they must have just gotten here. It will be soon that they too will grow accustomed to the impact of the rockets. What an insane way to cope with such a situation.

I have a team meeting in about 10 minutes and I have to walk across my living area and cross a street to another living area to get to my team room. As I am walking it does cross my mind the possibility of a rocket directly hitting me. Well, this is where my faith comes in. I trust God for my safety as I boldly make my way to my team room.

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There is an issue that deeply grieves me. This war - and probably it is true of all other wars before - has really costs soldiers so much in the areas of their personal lives.

I am hearing about so many marriages and relationships that are breaking up as a result of this war. I know part of the responsibility lies with the individual. Some soldiers when they heard that they were being deployed quickly married their girlfriends or some person who they thought was that special someone. Without understanding the strong commitment that it would take to uphold a relationship through a year of separation many soldiers found out to their displeasure what their relationships were really made of.

Then there were established marriages that had pre-existing issues and this deployment was a perfect opportunity for a spouse to disclose her or his true feelings about their relationship. In some cases, it was a good time for that spouse to rediscover their new found freedom.

What worries me is that there will be soldiers returning home to face all kinds of domestic issues. The military has and will give us mandatory ‘returning home’ classes. This is okay but I think more is needed.

As for me I want all of you to know about the one important in my life. She is my wife Wendy. She has been my spouse of 25 years! She has weathered the storm with issues concerning my son and has overcome the pressures of dealing with my daughter’s previous health issues. While I have been away she has held down our home responsibilities as well.

Before I left to go away with the Army she has quietly sat in the shadows as I became the ‘Sgt. Roy’ that you all know. She has waited for me at the end of many curtain calls when I gave her time with me away to so many people. When I have given the world my best for the day and I don’t have anything else to give she is still there waiting for me.

Many of you don’t know the worse about me, but she does and yet she still loves me. For me this is how the war has affected my relationship with my wife as well. I have embraced a deep appreciation of what she means to me and our children.

Many of you don’t know her. Many of you don’t even know what she looks like. That’s okay because she prefers it that way. I know without her there is no Sgt. Roy the fitness instructor; there is no Sgt. Roy the motivator trainer; there is no Sgt. Roy the soldier. I know the biggest room in my house is the room for improvement!

We are coming into a wonderful time in our married life together. I am so excited about it! She deserves my best before anyone else. I am truly blessed.

I would like to ask one thing of you all and that is your prayer and support these soldiers that are coming home to resume their lives with their families. The transition will be difficult for some of them. For some they will have to salvage their marriages through counseling and support of their friends and family. Some will have no one to come home to but they really could use a friend that could just listen to them and help them to move on. Just keep these soldiers in your prayers as they reunite with their families

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It’s another training day here at the facility. We have about three battalions training here. We have set up round robin training in which there are five training stations that are designed to teach a different subject matter.

At my station I teach how to properly carry, move and patrol with the AK-47 rifle. Each class consists of about 30 to 40 guys. Already I am limited by the language barrier because I have to use an interpreter to translate each time I speak.

If you haven’t used an interpreter before, it takes some time to get use to the rhythm of using one. First of all, the rhythm is much slower. I am so use to speaking and having my ideas and thoughts just roll into an internal rhythm in my head.

Also I can’t use technical words such as ‘technique’ or ‘scanning’ or phrases that I might use in basic training such as ‘aiming center mass on a target.’ The Arabic language doesn’t have words for these concepts. I found out from another trainer that was teaching how to clear doorways and windows. He said that the Iraqi language didn’t have a word for the phrase ‘sneak a peek!’ So they had to find a word that best fit this concept.

There is one thing that I have learned working with each group and that is they all have a sense of humor. I was teaching them the concept of aiming their rifle only when they have a ‘bad guy’ in their site. I used pantomime to convey a person shooting all of their ammunition up and standing there screaming like a girl and throwing rocks! Somehow this example was all that I needed to get a laugh out of them and to break the ice between us.

When we finished our training for the day, the men will take a break in which they stand around smoking cigarettes and chatting with each othyper soldier, the sneaky one, the lazy one and me, the ‘whatever’ how they see me.

Still, I love these men. In all their imperfection, I still respect them and I pray for them and their families. I’ve learned that the joy of living is not in the perfection of their lives but I have found joy and humor in knowing their imperfections.

I'm proud to be a soldier

Tragedy struck today. Another unit was attacked by RPG (rocket propelled grenade) fire today.

Sadly a sergeant in a vehicle was hit and he lost both of his legs. I noticed that when my team hears news like this there is a somber attitude amongst the group. I can tell that the news numbs us into some kind of silence. I think at this point many of us are just frustrated. The fear has been replaced by a quiet anger. I really think we are trying to find out the purpose of why we are here. I think we are doubting ourselves and wondering if we are making a difference in this country.

When an American soldier gets killed or injured it is like it has happened to all of us. All of us have been affected by it in some way or another. It’s never an issue of “I’m glad it wasn’t me” but instead it’s like we lost someone close to us.

I had to go to this place to do some ‘turn-ins’ of equipment. They keep all of the blown up vehicles at this place where I would turn in the equipment. For security reasons I can divulge how many vehicles I saw, but let’s just say it was more than I wanted to see.

It was more like a graveyard to me as I ventured out to get a better look. All of those vehicles out there could tell a story.

I know for me, I will never be the same. I am so proud to be an American soldier!

Showmars and the Yankees

I am so far removed from the news and happenings that are happening in the United States.

We have here the Armed Forces network, but it tends to show us selective new clips. The thing I find obnoxious is the commercials that are all about the military. “Go to school through the Army College Fund. This is for you!” is one of the commercials that I see all the time.

I know for me, I don’t have a television in my room so I read the military newspaper here called the “Stars and Stripes.” I will catch an occasional baseball game. My favorite team is the New York Yankees. I have been a fan since I was a child growing up on the Hudson River in New York.

I’m in the gunner’s hatch this week. I think it’s my favorite post to man. I sit up high in the truck and I scan the road looking for any suspicious activity.

I’m going on my seventh month being here. I laugh at myself because it’s been about that long that I haven’t had any junk food. On our camp we have a few vendors such as Burger King, Taco Bell, Subway and Pizza Hut but they all taste different here. I had a craving one night for a Sonic hotdog. There was another night I was dying for some Showmars as well. You can throw some Dunkin Donuts in there as well.

It’s just as well because I need to loose some weight. The mess hall here is, as I stated before, just okay. All the cooks are from India (there’s nothing wrong with being from India) but the simple things like Chili Mac or Sloppy Joes taste as if they added extra spices to it! I will be coming home soon for my leave and you bet I will partake of all my favorite places to dine.

The heat is another issue for concern too. I had an advantage of teaching eight to 10 classes a week at the gym. This kept me in decent shape and looking pretty good, if I must say so myself. The heat here seems to be breaking me down. I am drinking plenty of water, Gatorade and soft drinks. I find myself getting weak and just wanting to sleep all the time. I teach two classes a week at the gym and I’m starting my weight training back up again. Hopefully this will give me the strength that I need.

Winning over the people

As we travel in our vehicles throughout the city I can hear the radio communication of other American units that are located near me.

At times calls will come in from a unit making contact with insurgents. That usually results in a firefight.

Sometimes, depending on where everyone else is, if a unit has been hit by an IED the communication is so tight that the closest unit that can respond is in trouble.
I know for me when I am ‘outside the wire’ time stops for me. Anything can happen in this place. Good things happen too.

One of our sergeants has a support group back home who sends him toys and soccer balls that he hands out to the Iraqi children.

There was one day when we stopped in a neighborhood to talk to some of the locals there. I turned around and noticed that one of our trucks was surrounded by at least thirty kids jumping and screaming because the sergeant was throwing toys and soccer balls from his truck.

I guess this is what we call winning the hearts and minds of the people.

Halfway to home

I am at the halfway point of being here. I am sure of one thing. I will never be the same person that I was when I first came here.

I have come to understand a people and a place that is so different from my own. The only reference that I have is my own life as an American. Before this I would, like you, read about these people and places in the newspaper or what I saw on television.

The six months of being here have taught me so much. I have learned about all of the customs and I speak a little Arabic as well.

It saddens me that the real problem here runs deeper than what is perceived here. Yet at the same time I have gained such a proud respect fer. I guess the word has gotten out that I am the sergeant that likes to dance with them. I was walking over to our truck where there is a cooler of cold drinks waiting for me. But before I could reach the truck I could hear my name being called in broken English “Lewes, Lewus.” A few of the Iraqi policemen motioned for me to come to them.

My interpreter has taken a break so I am standing with 30 guys around me as they shouting a thousand things to me in Arabic. One man begins clapping and starts singing some Iraqi song. I humor him and begin to clap my hands and join him by mimicking the words that he is singing. Before you know it we all are enjoying ourselves again. My American peers are looking at me. Some are looking at me with hopeless abandonment shaking their heads and others are laughing at me that I would even bother to relate to these men. I don’t care. It’s just the spur of the moment experience that I might never get the chance to do again.

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The day I got arrested

We started our training lanes with the Iraqi Police early this morning. The goal was to send a squad of policemen on patrol through a mockup of a village. I would role play a part in this scenario as a local national that is just sitting outside his house talking with his neighbor. As each squad would go by, I was told that they might approach me and ask me if I had seen any strange activity in the neighborhood.

We would be pushing about nine squads today. Also, we had planted a sniper and another person who would be throwing bomb simulator grenades. We wanted to make this exercise as real as possible. So one by one, squads would go through our village. I would be sitting in a chair with my interpreter should there be any conversation.

For the most part the squad leader of each squad would come over and ask me basically the same question, “Have you seen anyone in this area?” I would reply “I have seen some strange men in this area that don’t belong here.” With that little piece information they would move out and down through the village being ever so cautious, knowing that they could be attacked at any given moment.

It was the next squad that came by that really surprised me. The squad came over as usual and asked me in Arabic, “Have you seen any strange things in the neighborhood?” With the assistance of my interpreter I replied, “There have been some strange men in the neighborhood.”

To my surprise he proceeded to ask me a series a questions such as “Why are you sitting here?” I had my camera case attached to my belt and he asked me, “Why do you have a camera?” I answered, “I have pictures of my family and friends that I have taken.” It was then that he ordered me to stand up and face the wall!

I looked at my interpreter and he was smiling, but the squad leader was serious. In the states I have never ever been arrested or even seen the inside of a police car. I stood up and turned to face the wall. The squad leader kicked my ankles to spread my feet further apart. He then continued to search my entire body, squeezing my pockets looking for some kind of evidence. He took my camera as well.

In Arabic he said “We are going to take your camera and examine it. We are also going to detain you and bring down to the station for questioning. This will take about 3 to 4 hours!” For a moment I could identify with the many people that I have seen arrested by the Iraqi National Police. I knew from my experience working with them that I would not be getting my camera back and also I could end up being beaten or detained for more than just three hours. It would be more like 2 to 3 days!

Well the squad leader did give me back my things and move his squad out to continue the exercise. My interpreter, who I have become good friends with, was laughing. “Sgt. Lewis, I could tell that you were very surprised by this soldier’s actions.” He was right. The fact that someone can be so easily arrested on little or no evidence is simply amazing.

Back to the workouts

(Sgt. Roy just completed a two-week leave.) The jet lag is really wearing on me today but I am determined to continue my workouts.

I start with a 15 minute run on the treadmill followed by a workout with the weights and then back on the stationary bike for another 10 minutes of cardio followed by a good abdominal workout. I have been steady for about almost three weeks now. I can feel myself regaining strength again.

Back home I am used to my weekly regiment of teaching 8-10 aerobic classes a week. Since being here in Baghdad I am fortunate if I get just an hour of exercise a week!

This is the month of Ramadan here in Iraq. This is one of the Muslim observances where they will fast from sun up to sun down. Our leadership has told us to proceed with extra caution as we travel throughout our sector. Sunset around here is usually about 7 p.m.

I noticed that our interpreters will begin to prepare their food. They will break the fast with a prayer and then they will eat. It is also an Arabic custom to not interrupt them with conversation while they are eating.

The atmosphere in our sector is quiet for now but you can never be sure what will happen next.

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Hard to leave home

I wake up again as usual at 5 a.m. The sky is still dark and there is a full moon shining ever brightly. This is the day that I have to return to Iraq.

My wife and kids are still sleeping. I will have to wake them up in a few hours if I want to have breakfast with them before going to the airport. If I were to summarize these 15 days there would be only one word for it: Awesome!

I was able to spend quality time with my family and a few friends. I was able to attend church and even see a few co-worker friends of mine. The bonus was that my son’s personal issues took a turn for the best. I went to the DMV with my daughter to get her driver’s learner permit. She has been carting me all around Charlotte.

If I stayed another week it would have been hard for me to leave. So I woke the family up and we had a nice breakfast at this family-owned diner that my wife and I love going to. An hour later we arrived at the Charlotte Douglas International Airport for me to check in and get my boarding pass.

The airports are so good about letting the families go through security so that they can see their family members off. This time my wife and kids were very calm, emotionally. We arrived at my gate and it was evident that the other passengers had already boarded the plane. I embraced my son and then my daughter with a hug and a kiss. I then turned to my wife. Her composure was calm as she kissed me and said “three months will go by fast, hurry home.”

I smiled, but everyone could tell that I had a very painstaking look on my face. I quickly gave the airline attendant my ticket and I turned and headed down the tunnel to board the plane. Tears began to well up in my eyes! I was taken off guard by my emotions. A smiling flight attendant greeted me at the door as she directed me to a better seat in the front of the plane. It didn’t stop the rush of emotion that I was feeling about leaving my family. I tried to hide my face by putting on my sunglasses.

I really had a great time with my family and leaving them this time was hard. The other side of me was anxious to get back to the mission in Iraq. I would be lying if I told you that I wasn’t thinking about my teammates while I was at home. I knew when I got back to camp some drama would be waiting on me.

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My last days at home

I have enjoyed these past 12 days seeing my family and friends. My children look great and are doing well. My wife has been an awesome business manager and has everything in control. There wasn’t much for me to do at all since I’ve been here.

My son and I hung out together for a few days and he has driven me around town in his car. I was constantly being beaten up by the sound of his extremely loud car stereo system. The vibrations would shake me as I listened to his music from the new Kanye West CD he just bought.

There was also a day that I spent hanging out with my daughter. The day with her was a little less noisy where we started the day with breakfast, then shopping and then we had lunch together.

I also had the opportunity to see a few dear friends of mine. I even had the chance to take in a few aerobics classes where the Zumba class really put a workout on my joints.

So it is about 5:30 a.m. and as usual my eyes pop open where I find myself tossing and turning trying to go back to sleep. It’s still dark and everyone is still asleep in the house. A wave of sadness comes over me as I flip over on to my back and stare at the ceiling. I try not to plan ahead but I can’t help but think that this is my last weekend here before I head back to Baghdad. For the most part I am optimistic because I will have just 3 months to go before I am back home for good.

Since I’ve been home I’ve felt like a guy standing on the highway watching all of the traffic go by knowing soon that my time will come when I will have to jump right in with the flow of things. The support from everyone has been great.

To Charlotte and all my friends and family I want to thank all of you for encouraging me to get through these past nine months. I couldn’t have done it without you! You guys are the best!!

I just have three more days to go before I leave and I have to go back and pick up my game face again. I have enjoyed walking through the city of Charlotte. Just in one year’s time Charlotte has made some changes and in some subtle ways looks different to me. If things work out as planned I might be walking in the door around Christmas time!

People of Charlotte, thank you for making this old dog feel special. I love you all! Don’t call me a hero. A hero is the name of a sandwich where I come from!

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I've been gone so long that it dawned on me that this busy hustle and bustle American lifestyle was something I did myself.

I couldn’t help but compare it to the nine months that I have been living in Iraq. Life in Iraq is truly simple and slow but at the same time it is hard and dangerous.

You wake up and you survive the best way that you can. It is always your intention to try and make the best possible life for you and your family and depending on how the political scales are tipped, you do what you have to do to survive.

Just sitting here I have come to one quick solution. I don’t feel guilty for being an American anymore. I used to feel that we were a country of over indulged people. I felt that we were spoiled and victims of our own successes. Well let me tell you, I don’t feel that way anymore. Instead I so am proud to be an American.

Why? You can say what you want about this country, our president and our people but one thing is for sure. When we needed change we as a people have come together. Despite our differences in our race, beliefs or convictions we put our personal preferences to the side and we decided to work together to iron out our problems.

The truth is there is no perfect system on this planet in which we all can hang our hopes on so that everyone can be totally satisfied.

I will give our country credit. At least we have attempted to solve some of the issues of our past such as slavery, racism, economic depression, social indifferences, aids, crime, homelessness, gang violence, elderly health care, unemployment and many others as well; some have been successful, others have not but still we will come together as a nation to solve these issues.

I have grown indignant in my beliefs that the other countries that oppose us so much are of course jealous and want what we have. Their problem is that they are not willing to do what it takes to get what we have enjoyed since the creation of this nation!

Of course this is freedom; I get mad just like anyone else when I hear someone say something politically that is contrary to what I believe. But the beauty in our system is that any person has the freedom and right to believe whatever they want to believe without fear of reprisal.

As I get older I understand that conflict is good because it helps me understand both sides of an issue. I don’t have to be afraid of conflict. I’ve learned from talking to the people over here that they too have opinions and thoughts just like we do. The problem is that the controlling powers over them quench their spirits daily and won’t allow them the freedom to make their own choices for their lives. They use fear and religion to control them. It is so obvious to me to what system is better.

No, I don’t feel guilty anymore for being an American. I feel such a comfort in that definitive statement. I feel good as I take another sip of my Starbucks coffee with a shot of hazelnut.

For more on Sergeant Roy – visit his personal Web site at www.sgtroy.com.

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Vacationing at the beach

I’m in my hotel and I am channel surfing the different television programs. I go from one program to next with disgust.

I can still see that bad reality television shows are still getting air time. I couldn’t find much to watch as I flipped from one station to the other. There were a couple of bad teen shows and to make matters worse Reverend Al Sharpton, who politically I can’t stand, was on some news show complaining about some issue.

My life in Iraq was simple. As I said before I just found the American lifestyle to be so busy-like. The thoughts of returning back to Iraq in 12 days made me feel me a little discouraged. I know I have to stop thinking like that! Relax and enjoy what I have now; right?

My time in Iraq has made me really appreciate so much that I took for granted before I left. I don’t want to lose any of that awareness. The time here at the beach with my wife has been awesome!

I still can catch my thoughts drifting back to my team. I pray that they are safe and that they continue to be safe for our remaining three and a half months that we have left.

I realize one other thing and that is that I have been in the heat so much that the weather here in Carolina is nothing compared to what I have grown used to. The humidity is a bit much but to me I feel at ease with the weather.

Today something happened that really surprised me. I was sitting here watching television when suddenly someone down the hall of the hotel slammed the door to their room. It made such a loud booming sound that it startled me! My wife saw me shake a little but she didn’t question why. My response surprised me as well. When we stay the night down at the station it is very commonplace to hear gunfire and explosions. I have heard these sounds so many times while trying to eat, sleep or just play cards with the guys. The crazy thing is that we just keep doing what we’re doing hoping that the next explosion doesn’t hit us.

Well I pray the peace of God on my mind today. I am having such a good time with my wife. Last night she made steamed clams, king crab with all the fixings in our room! I’ve died and gone to heaven!

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Long trip home

Well it’s here! I have about one hour before I head to Baghdad airport for my long trip home.

I did some shopping for the wife and kids and I am sporting a new haircut. My bags are all packed.

There is a slight feeling of separation anxiety leaving my teammates. They say this is normal because for the last nine months my attentions and thoughts have been with these guys. I don’t want any thing to happen to them while I’m away.

It was so bad yesterday that while I was tying up some loose ends in my office they came in and kicked me out because they said I should be packing and not worrying about my work. They’re right; those of you that know me know I am not one for sitting around. I have to be doing something. So with that I headed back to my room to finish my packing.

The next time I post I will be sitting in my house in Charlotte. So I will see you there.

I have a few minutes before my ride gets here. Pray for me, I hate riding in these big army planes! Oh how I wish I had my own Lear jet!

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I have been walking around excited about the thought of seeing my family and friends again.

I was walking one day and a strange thought hit me. I suddenly grew anxious and nervous about coming back into my American lifestyle that I once knew so well.

I was afraid that if I changed so much that my family and friends would find me strange. I knew for a fact that the experience over here has changed my perspective on so many things.

For example, taking people and things for granted. From now on I will have greater appreciation for my family and friends. I will also stop and smell the roses. They do say that the soldiers returning home from Iraq go through these same thoughts. Maybe it’s nothing to worry about now.

I know without a doubt that I have the greatest group of friends and family that love me and support me unconditionally. They love me just the way I am. It was then I could begin to feel the warm feelings rejuvenate my spirit again.

Without a warning I let out a shout in front of my teammates “I can’t wait to go home!” Most of them have been on leave already so this sudden outburst of excitement was not so strange to them. They smiled at me and went back doing what they were doing when I interrupted them.

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Big Lew

We were out today and in the neighborhood doing what we call a ‘goodwill’ meet and greet with the Iraqi people today.

My team got a bunch of soccer balls, toys, and candy to hand out to the children. This also reminds me that if any of you want to contribute soccer balls, school supplies or candy to our cause feel free to send them and I will personally see to it that the children get your gifts. My contact information is on my website at (www.sgtroy.com).

Well today the heat had granted us mercy so all of the children were out and playing about in the neighborhood today. It really is no different than the old neighborhood that I grew up in New York. The children had set up a soccer game in the street. Whenever a car would pass by all play would stop until the car would pass by.

Some of the other children were playing tag and just horse playing on the side walks. When they see our trucks coming it’s just as if we are a Good Humor ice cream truck! Every kid will stop what he or she is doing and they will shout “mista, mista” at us indicating that they want a soccer ball or candy.

Well today was special to me. One of my teammates was out of the truck and he was handing out soccer balls to the children. He was surrounded by at least 50 kids all wanting a ball. When he exhausted his supply of balls the children then indicated to him that they wanted candy. Well somehow - without the assistance of an interpreter - he got the children to come back to my truck?

My teammate said to the children “I don’t have any candy but I know a certain individual who always has candy on him. Go back there and just shout ‘Big Lew’!”

So I was sitting up in the turret watching my sector when I think I hear my name being called. “Big Lew! Big Lew!”

Of course the Iraqi children have no idea what this means but they are willing to say it if it gets them candy. I stand up to get a better look and I see about 20 children smiling and waving at me.

I look across the street and I see my teammate laughing his head off. So I had no choice to respond. I thought that was the coolest thing having those Iraqi children shout out my name! I would have preferred the shouts of ‘Sgt. Roy’ but hey at least in Baghdad they know who I am.

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I had a strange dream the other day. It began after I was exhausted from the day of patrols that our chief scheduled for us.

I had a strange dream the other day. It began after I was exhausted from the day of patrols that our chief scheduled for us.

We had spent about four hours out and about in our sector of a small Shia neighborhood. When we came back into the station, the team’s demeanor was one of anger and disgust. Most of us question his reasoning behind having us work such an aggressive schedule.

The trucks were unloaded and everyone stammered back into our team room soaked to the skin in sweat. We all made ourselves comfortable and prepared to go to bed for the evening. As I drifted off to sleep, I had this dream in which this Iraqi boy of about 11 years of age was standing in front of me.

I was drinking a bottled soft drink and I remembered that the boy had asked me if he could have a sip of my drink. I handed it to him and he began to drink it aggressively. It was then that I grabbed the bottle from him. The boy immediately became angry with me and he grabbed the bottle from me and hit me in the face with it!

Without even thinking I grabbed the bottle from him and broke it over his head! It was then that I woke up feeling strange. Why would I dream such a thing? I analyzed this dream over and over in my mind trying to make some sense of its meaning.

The only thing that I could come up with was that the little boy represented Iraq. The bottle drink was all of the aid and support that I had to offer him. When the boy began to abuse the support that I offered him I took it away from him. That is when the boy became indignant and angry with me, so much so that he struck me. I became so surprised at this response that I too retaliated and struck the boy back.

By no means do I have any aggression against Iraqi children but I saw a lot of symbolism in this dream. I am not psychic nor am I clairvoyant but I thought it was weird that I would have such a dream.

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Children love candy

The sweat is slowly dripping down the sides of my cheeks. It's as if I am crying as I feel the drops of sweat roll down my face and sometimes into my eyes.

We are patrolling today in our neighborhood. There aren't too many people on the street today. We learned that the Iraqi soccer team is in the quarter finals of some major world soccer league. This helps with morale because the majority of the people here in Baghdad love soccer. They live for this game. What is sad is that a bad incident happened in the game that the Iraqi team won to get to the quarterfinals. A suicide bomber blew up some spectators that were leaving the game. This angers me because these insurgents don't care what they do and who they do it to.

It amazes me how conditioned the young children are that when they see us they come out into the streets to wave us down to ask for candy. We stop temporarily at an intersection so that our lead truck can observe an abandoned house.

A little boy sticks his head out from the front gate of his house. He waves at me with a smile that only a boy of 5-years-old can have.

I always wait and play a game with them to see how they try to get my attention. The little boy smiles at me and give me a wave. I have my sunglasses on so he doesn't know if I am looking directly at him. I ignore him to wait and see what else he tries to do.

The boy comes fully out of the gate from his house and he begins to jump up and down. They all do this strange hand gesture where they open and close both their fists.

Well, the youngster does get me to crack a smile. I begin to open a new bag of blow pops that I've gotten recently from one of my friends in a care package. I reward him by throwing two blow pops his direction.

The boy's eyes light up as he runs to the edge of the curb where they landed in the street. I know soon that once he retrieves the candy he will run back inside his house and display his treasure only to return with two or three more children. This is the only connection I have with these children. There are so many barriers for us to break through but one thing reigns true; children will always love candy.

I miss my wife

I really miss my wife Wendy today. What a journey we have taken together.

I met her when I was 18-years-old in college. I was just rebounding from a bad breakup with a girlfriend which brought me to this school in Massachusetts in the first place.

My girlfriend broke up with me on the night before my parents were to drive me to start my freshman year at Dean College. I didn't have the heart to tell my parents that I didn't want to go.

My girlfriend and I had plans for me to attend school there and I would visit her in Boston on weekends. Well things didn't work out as planned.

I met Wendy at a play audition the college theater department was holding for its spring production. Wendy began as a love interest for a friend of mine who spotted her during freshman orientation. I remembered the first time I laid eyes on her.

"What do you think of her?" was my friend's question to me as we watched her audition for one of the parts in the play.

"She's cute" was all I could manage as a critique.

As time went on through our years at the college we formed a friendship that would soon blossom into a romance. This year we will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. My heart still jumps whenever she walk into a room. Her eyes are the most unique color of blue and her sense of humor still makes me laugh. She is the only person who can make me smile by just staring at me. She has been my cheerleader on the sidelines when I have to go out there and face a cruel and unforgiving world. She will never let me doubt myself.

All of you think that I stay motivated all the time. That's not really true. My wife Wendy keeps me on track and she is the woman behind the 'Sgt. Roy' persona.

I just miss her today. She is a great mom to our children and just a great overall person.

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You think it's hot in Charlotte

Aug. 6 - I have to suit up and head back out the gate. Keep me and my team in your prayers.

Our new team chief really likes spending so much time 'outside the wire'. With about four months to go I don't want to relax because anything out here can happen.

My adrenaline goes up every time I leave the gate. Also once you add 120 degrees heat on top of that. My body armor is beginning to get a smell to it because of all the sweat.

I wear a do-rag under my helmet to help with all of the sweat that drips down into my eyes while I'm in the turret.

To keep hydrated we came up with a technique of freezing our bottles of water. When I'm ready to go out on mission I grab a frozen bottle of water and sip the water as it melts. I really helps keep us cool during the day.

I realize the importance of wearing these gloves they gave us. Now that we are hitting hot temperatures whenever I touch any of the metal on a truck it burns my hands! It's not like touching a burner but more like holding a curling iron too long allowing the intensity to increase.

The glasses are just as important because that not only blocks the sun but it also keeps the dust and dirt out of our eyes.

Well I'm loaded up and ready to get into my truck. All of this stuff to wear but I understand it's significance. Did I say I have to wear headphones too?

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July 19 - This is the week in which our new chief has decided to implement his intense patrol schedule on us. So far we have done at least 3 to 4 patrols a day!

Everyone believes that our focus as advisors has drastically changed. We have gone from training and mentoring the National Police staff to basically executing patrols that give the appearance that the Iraqis are leading them.

Our new chief comes from a background in the Military Police. The rest of the team is trying to keep its wits about the situation. We know we have about three and a half months to go until our relief gets here. It has become so clear to me about this mission.

The Iraqi police here are so hesitant about patrolling their own streets. They ask so much from us in the areas of food, equipment and support with our weapons. There is a growing anger that burns inside all of us.

Our new chief is extending our team and its resources hoping to better the cause of the Iraqi police. This is turning out to be a loosing cause. There was one day when we were preparing to go on patrol and to our surprise they wouldn't go on patrol! It is noted that they are afraid of going out.

It is evident to me that we are fighting two battles here. The first is that we have a leader that is willing to exhaust the team and its resources for the success of the Iraqis.

Secondly, we are dealing with the Iraqis whose commitment level to their duty and country doesn't evenly match that of their American counterparts who are trying to help them be self reliant. I get the feeling from the soldiers over here that their efforts aren't deeply appreciated.

An 18-year-old soldier

We were loading up to move out the gate today when I spotted one of the soldiers that I talk to whenever we stay overnight at the station.

I was in the gunner’s hatch doing my pre-combat checks when he decided to climb onto the truck and talk to me.

“I can’t believe they are doing this to me,” he said with a bit of sadness in his voice.

“What’s going on?” I said removing my Oakley sunglasses to get a better look
at him.

“They are going to chapter me out of the army!”

“Hey Lew, we getting ready to move out!” was the shout that came from my truck commander.

“Hey, when I get back I will come to see you,” I said trying to offer some kind words. With that the young soldier jumped down from our truck and walked back into the headquarter building from which he came from. Our convoy started its engines and moved forward to the front gate to clear security.

I was told by the guys in my truck that the issue with the young soldier was that his company commander decided that the soldier had some stress issues going on. He was exhibiting unusual behavior out in the field amongst his platoon.

In the army, especially today’s army, soldiers that present strange behavior in a combat zone are quickly evaluated. If they are found to be liability to the unit they are pulled out of that unit.

I talked to this kid several times beforehand and he seemed fine to me and to be quite talented. He showed me some of his interests which included several Web sites that he designed by himself. I was impressed because he had taught himself the HTML web language.

What will happen to him is that they will ship him back to the states for a psyche evaluation and he will be put out of the army with a general discharge. This kid is only 18-years-old. I don’t know all of the details to make a sound judgment about all this but something about this worries me. I hope there is support for the many soldiers who might be going through this same ordeal.

Five months down

I’m at the five-month mark now. My teammates and I feel that we are on the downward slide to going home. I can feel myself becoming more irritable and less tolerant these days. About half of my team members have been on leave already.

I’m not complaining because I purposely chose September because one it will mark my 25th wedding anniversary with my wife. Two, when I return back here I will have three months left to serve in this country!

I have been slow in my postings to the site because recently we have had a change in our line up. We have a new chief and of course he wants to do everything that we have done in the first four months of being here. So we have been on the road a little more than usual these days.

I’m riding as one of the gunners in the truck. The day’s heat does a job on me. At the end of the day my uniform is so wet that it looks as if someone has hosed me down. I sweat so much that my boots have dark sweat marks on them. Also my underwear and t-shirt are just as wet. I take it all in stride because I hope to loose a few pounds when this all ends.

My energy level drops a lot too. I drink more water than I did when I was in the states. Our trucks internally have air conditioning but being the truck’s gunner the lower part of my body gets the benefit of it anyway. In a way I am glad to be back on the road to see the sights and sounds of Baghdad again.

Thanks for your love and support

I clean my rifle and all of the weapons that I am responsible for. I use a paint brush to remove the sand and dust from all of the tight places. It usually takes me about three hours to clean my pistol, rifle, and machine gun.

It’s doesn’t seem fair because within a matter of minutes they are covered with dust again. I want to thank you Charlotte, North Carolina for supporting me and my comrades in arms!

With the issue of losing a soldier yesterday a soldier will begin to think about all the people in his or her life. The trivial things don’t matter anymore. A soldier will begin to see the people that love and support him. His letters and phone calls will mirror his innermost feelings of gratitude and thanksgiving. All I ask is that when your soldier comes back home, try to be more understanding.

The soldier will come back to a world that he has left where the people, places and situations have changed. I want to be the liaison for all of you to help you understand what’s going on. All the service men and women who serve here really have made a sacrifice.

I know first hand that it takes a lot to get through each day.

Some of you might remember that movie ‘Groundhog Day’ with Bill Murray. In this movie his character is stuck living the same day over and over again. This drives him mad to the point where he tries to manipulate the events of that day attempting to make the day slightly different.

We are limited to life on a compound. There just a few activities there such as the gym, internet café and gaming café. Some soldiers will dive into their work logging 12 to 13 hours a day.

When mail arrives it brings the excitement of receiving a care package or a letter from a loved one saying how much he is loved. I noticed that the chapel services are full more than usual.

So just as in the movie ‘Groundhog Day,’ we too have to find and do things that will keep us busy. I can tell you that every soldier here knows now by this experience that our American way of life came with a price but it is also an example of people coming together for the cause of freedom and the pursuit of happiness.

July 4th in Iraq

July 4 - Independence Day! We have to be extra careful because the insurgents know that this is a special day for us that we celebrate no matter where we are. In just writing these few lines, I heard a couple of gunshots ring out.

I’m proud to be an American. My heart goes out to the Iraqis that are working for us. They don’t want to have anything to do with this country that they once called home. Our interpreter Bob wants to give his son and two daughters a future. I can’t hate a man for wanting to give his family a life.

Today on our camp they have a big barbeque planned with fireworks. This will be my first time being outside the United States on Independence Day.

I have a sore throat coming on and I am not feeling well. I get pretty infantile when I get sick. I want my wife around nursing me back to health.

We are at the halfway point of our deployment. We are going through a phase on the team where there is an irritation growing slowly among us. Still, I have come to love and respect these guys. I won’t give names, but there is one soldier who appears to be a compulsive liar. He will sit for hours bragging about what he has and where he has been.

There is another who is young but angry about this mission. His anger is more of a snotty and ‘I’m too good to do this’ type of attitude.

There is one who is quiet but very talented as a soldier but needs to take a bath every once in awhile. The next soldier is engaged to marry, but given the opportunity he will have a relationship with another woman in a heartbeat. He has been married twice already!

There is one guy who is impulsive and controlling but I wouldn’t recommend disagreeing with him. He doesn’t like to be wrong! He is a smart and talented man, but no one can know everything. There is the over hor my own country. America is made up of some many people from diverse backgrounds and ethnicities that the fact we came together as a single nation is a miracle. Here in Iraq there is so many divisions here it would just blown you away.

There is power in agreement. If the people here would just come together on one common goal they would turn this place around in just a short time. To me that is easy.

The common goal would be to live in peace raising your family and providing a life that is safe and secure. The reality here is that there are many factions here who believe otherwise.

Ask Sgt. Roy

Q: Sgt. Roy, I know that it is so hot there now. What do you guys do to stay cool?
Morningstar, Charlotte, NC

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A: Each day we draw ice for coolers that we carry in our trucks. In the coolers are water, Gatorade, and etc. Also where we sleep has air cooler/conditioners installed.

When we go outside we try to limit our work to make sure no one gets dehydrated. As a team we watch each other to make sure that no one faints or get heat exhaustion. Everyone should have a bottle of water with them at all times or their camel back water container.

Also we wear sun block and wear our sunglasses for additional protection.

Carolina on my mind

I'm listening to that classic tune by James Taylor 'Carolina In My Mind'. I popped that into my cd player so that I could have some to fuel my inspiration for writing about this week.

I'm embarking on my sixth month being here in Baghdad. Yesterday they held a memorial service for another team that lost two people.

There is one thing I noticed that they do here that bothers me. When someone is killed in action it isn’t publicly broadcasted out that we lost a soldier. Instead, we find out through word of mouth or on the radio communication that comes across the radio. I wonder if they are trying to protect those of us who leave the camp on a regular basis?

I know there is a database that our chief goes into to get information on any activity that is significant. I hate hearing about the people that have been killed in action. It just amazes me that we continue on with our mission.

My heart goes out to the families who will now be visited by a member of the military to let them know that their loved one has been killed. I am trusting God that my wife will never have to get that visit.

For more on Sergeant Roy – visit his personal Web site at www.sgtroy.com.

Ask Sgt. Roy

Q. Sgt. Roy how hot does it get there in Iraq? Also, how do the people stay cool?

Pam/Charlotte, NC

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Pam,

A. Air conditioning here in Baghdad is considered a luxury. During the day the Iraqi people have this air conditioner looking thing that act as a big fan to help circulate the air throughout the house. In the evenings the whole family will sleep on the roof of the house because it is cooler up there. During the day hours Iraqis will try to do their work in the shade of the day. The temperatures here can get up as high as 140 degrees. There is no humidity here so the heat is dry. There is also a slight breeze that blows hot air.

Explosives

Today I had my first experience with explosives!

We were out today, and I want everyone to understand that my role here is one of an advisor to the Iraqi National Police. We are to teach them techniques and tactics to help them be a self-sufficient fighting force for the security and safety of Iraq. I also want to let you all know that Baghdad, even though it is considered a city, really has no skyscrapers or skyline apartment buildings. It’s just a large collage of neighborhoods that are made up of houses that extend out forever. In the downtown area there are a few large-scale buildings but the rest of Baghdad is made up of neighborhoods.

Well today we were out with them on a mission in a neighborhood. Someone discovered a strange pipe-looking object in the yard of one of the houses. When this happens we call our demolition team. When they come out it is very impressive. When they want to check out a possible bomb threat they have this robot that is remote controlled from the vehicle. The robot resembles something like a small