Area 1 is everything in my life that pertains to having enough time and money to live my current life… family, friends, job, home loan, car loan, education loans, insurance, utilities, food, gasoline and Home Depot.

Area 2 is helping people who genuinely need it… cancer victims, children with cystic fibrosis, Alzheimer patients, the poor, widows, the guy down the street moving a heavy appliance.

I’m convinced I am doing too much Area 1 and not enough Area 2.

I can be a selfish jerk at times. I get totally self-centered. I can shut out the world around me with the best of them. I love my family and friends, I do my job, I mow my lawn, I paint the dining room, I fix my downstairs toilet, I go to sleep. Tomorrow I wake up and do it all again. 832 days later I wake up and feel uncomfortable. A heaviness in my heart. I can’t shake it.

Because the night of the 831st day I met a man who’s 3-year-old boy died from a cancerous brain tumor. The doctors did everything they could. They extended his life by a year or more. But in time that little boy suffered an excruciating death as his head swelled to twice its normal size and his body slowly shut down. At the end, dad cuddled helplessly next to his son day after day after night after night until the little boy stopped breathing. Finally the pain was gone.

I sleep restlessly and wake up at 4 AM on day 832 staring at my ceiling wondering, “What the hell are you really doing to help other people?”

Sometimes I feel like chucking my life as I know it and devoting all my time to the poor or sick. You ever feel that way? You ever look around at people who don’t have it as good as you and think, “I can make their life better.” And even if I can’t, I can at try.

I get like this sometimes. I know it will pass. In a few days I’ll forget the wounded people of this world and I’ll go about my sun-filled days without a care on earth.

But this is day 834 and I’m still feeling what happened on 831. And there’s more.

I’ve been receiving e-mails from a fun viewer in the Hickory area for a long time now. We chit-chat through e-mail now and again. She’s a wonderful woman with a loving husband. Never met them in person but it’s nice getting to know her just the same.

I never knew she was dying of cancer until this morning. My heart hurts. She never mentioned it. Probably didn’t want the attention… or didn’t want to be a bother. One of her friends e-mailed me about her situation.

I have a kind old friend in Albemarle in the fight of his life. He beat it once before, but it’s back. Cancer is an evil disease.

Look around your office or neighborhood today. There’s a good chance someone is suffering. Disease, a family death, lost a job, broken marriage. There’s a good deal of pain in this world. And there’s a good deal of us not doing a whole lot about it. I’m one.

I had a dear friend lose his battle with cancer a few years ago and through his fight I decided to get involved. I volunteered at an area hospital visiting cancer patients and their families. I sucked at that. We would talk for a few minutes and then we’d all start crying. I was no help whatsoever. They often ended up comforting me. Which makes me probably the single worst hospital volunteer in history.

I mention that because if you’re going to help it’s important to find something that fits you.

Well, I have to run. My son is in town and I have to start trying to wake him up. That’s a long process. He’s 19 and, well, he’s 19.

Be well,

Mike Redding