* Remember when you were a kid, and you'd finger paint, and you'd fight to get every single color of that smelly tempera paint on the 8.5-by-11-inch page, and sometimes they'd smear together and create new bright colors? That's "Speed Racer" looks like. In action. For more than 2 hours. Dude, the original shows were 22 minutes because that's about how long you can sustain action like that without inducing seizures. For people who like challenging themselves to not throw up, you can catch it at Edwards Ontario Palace Stadium 22, 4900 E. 4th St., Ontario.

* Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher are adorable and goofy on their own, so I'm gonna guess "What Happens In Vegas" is an adorable and goofy romantic comedy. I mean, we all know what's going to happen in the end, but that's why they call them romantic comedies and not romantic tragedies. "Romeo and Juliet" ain't exactly a feel-good plot.*

* David Mamet's "Redbelt," which looks like a cross between "State and Main" (a Mamet movie) and "The Karate Kid" (not a Mamet movie), opens wider this weekend. I love love Chiwetel Ejiofor (I better learn how to pronounce his name -- I sometimes throw in a "Q" sound for no good reason) and am intrigued to see any movie that casts him alongside Tim Allen and Joe Mantegna.

*Though some people might disagree, preferring a romance that ends in death to a romance that itself dies.

Yes, much of the game is spent shooting at people and exhibiting a blatant disregard for anything resembling safe driving.

But there's more to the game than the stuff that has parents' groups and other mediators mad at it.

For people willing to look beyond the ability to pick up ladies of the evening, there are redeeming qualities to this game.

For one, the design. The game takes place in Liberty City, a stand-in for New York, and the attention to detail is astounding. For example, rather than being a uniform asphalt gray, the streets show the wear and tear of city traffic: oil stains, random grit gathered along the curbs, repair patches that are darker than the rest of the street.

Shadows of bridges and buildings move as time in the game progresses. And each car in the game has its own realistic driving quirk: If you're driving that massively oversized SUV, it doesn't accelerate well, and handles like an elephant. If you're in a sports car, it jumps over hills with very little encouragement. And that long 1970s sedan will fishtail if you take a corner too quickly.

There is humor in the game, as well. Ricky Gervais and Katt Williams do stand-up shows in one bar in the city, and a Russian bar features an acrobatic cowboy show and a lounge act.

The ads and radio programs mock current TV shows and trends, including "America's Next Top Model" and talk radio.

In-game games such as pool, bowling and darts require real skill (the pool game in particular uses real-world physics, letting you make bank shots that will have you standing up with excitement ... OK, maybe that's just me).

The story is thought-provoking for gamers patient enough to sit through the cut scenes. Niko, a former Serbian soldier, comes to the United States to try to make his fortune. But he finds that the fresh start he thought he was getting by moving to America won't come without the violence he thought he was leaving behind.

Some critics have compared the game to the film "The Godfather," and while many people (myself included, at first) balk at the idea that anything about a video game could possibly compare to an American masterpiece of film, it's an idea that has merit.

There's the organized crime that Niko eventually must be part of, but there's also the idea that being successful in America comes at a higher price for some people than for others.

Niko is not happy that he's having to fall back on violence to get the money and power that he equates with success. And that's an important realization to make.

There's something wistful, almost naive, about his idea of America, and it is sad that, like Michael Corleone, he keeps getting pulled back into society's underbelly just when he thinks he's through with it.

One of the biggest statements the game makes is with its Statue of Liberty -- or rather, the Statue of Happiness.

Rather than holding a torch to light the way for immigrants, the Statue of Happiness is carrying a styrofoam coffee cup. In America, commerce equals happiness.

And according to game sites, inside the statue is a chained, beating heart.

Shooting people and stealing cars? No, the game is certainly about more than that.

The 3-D arena isn't new to the group. After all, they appeared in Miley Cyrus' 3-D concert film earlier this year.

Here's my question: Do you get special Jonas Brothers-emblazoned glasses to take home after the event?

Do you get a themed pillow should the 3-D experience prove to make you faint?

From an Associated Press notice on the story:

In a statement, brothers Kevin, Joe and Nick said: "We can't wait to start working on this film for our fans. It's going to be awesome and we really want to bring a totally unique and different movie experience to everyone whether they've seen us live or not."

So, I guess I was woefully incorrect in my extreme feeling that 3-D movies are just a fad.

How do you think the Jonas Brothers' movie will be?

The boys are playing at Wango Tango in Irvine on May 10, and will be back in Irvine on July 12. For more concert info, check their site.

The film's success was pretty well-predicted, even by people who tried to downplay it by saying that sure, it would be good, but nowhere near "Spider-Man's" numbers (*cough-Paul Dergarabedian-cough*).

And while that's true, it still did better than the $70 million open predicted by most experts.

Considering it's not even the most famous marquee Marvel character (the roster includes the Fantastic Four, the X-Men and the Hulk), it was still an impressive opening, raking in more than $104 million, about $1.08 million of that in the Inland Empire. It overperformed here, too, making $35,956 per theater. Nationally, it scared up $24,543 per theater.

Considering it's a PG-13 action movie, its success in this region wasn't too big a surprise. After all, the movie made money in every market, even foreign markets.

Then there's "Drillbit Taylor," about as far away from "Iron Man" as a movie can get: lower-brow humor, goofy plot, and made for less than 25 percent of "Iron Man's" budget.

Yet, the movie made a miraculous recovery on the IE charts this weekend.

The film opened in fourth place on March 21, but dropped from there, falling off the regional top 10 by April 11.

This weekend, however, it made enough money to score the sixth spot on the regional top 10, even though it's only showing in five area theaters, at least two of which are second-run theaters.

Its per-theater average in the Inland area was $7,504, second only to "Iron Man's" take and beating the per-theater average for "Made of Honor" at $5,387.

So, apparently, the IE's love for PG-13-rated slapstick comedies outweighed our love for romantic comedies and, well, almost everything else this weekend.

The movie saw an unprecedented uptick in attendance from last week: Its take had a 1,566.77 percent change over the previous week.

I'm going to be writing a full-on review for the May 2 issue of The Guide (check it out!) but here are my impressions from the Monday night press screening:

1) People could not applaud enough during the screening. They applauded the Marvel logo at the beginning, they applauded when the first Iron Man kit (made by Tony Stark in a cave in the middle of Afghanistan), they applauded when the first painted Iron Man costume gets put on Tony Stark, and of course, they applauded at the end.

2) During the montage of magazine covers at the awards ceremony, there was a big goof: One headline has Tony Stark taking the "reigns" at Stark Industries. And somewhere, a bazillion English teachers and copy editors will weep.

3) The baggage Robert Downey Jr. brings to the role of insouciant playboy Tony Stark is remarkable. Downey is known mostly for his well-documented drug problems and for taking roles in quirky movies, the same kind of troubles and decisions the renegade part of Stark's personality would admire.

4) Gwyneth Paltrow is genuinely likable in this movie. She plays Stark's assistant, and apart from wearing heels far too high for someone who needs to be as efficient as she needs to be, she manages to be efficient without being cold. Considering some of the trash she's been in recently -- OK, throughout her career -- it's easy to forget that she can actually act. But with auburn-tinged hair and makeup so light you can see her freckles, she's really nice, the girl next door whose cool mind and clear resolve made the boss take a shine to her.

5) See this movie. That sums it up. See it.

"Has there ever been a greater disconnect between a movie and a song with the same title?" he asked. He was, of course, referring to the 1985 Jon Voight-Eric Roberts movie about a literal runaway train.

After all, it's easy to find songs and movies with the same title that are connected.

The Dire Straits song "Romeo and Juliet" has lyrics that come off as a conversation between the immortally mortal lovers.

And movie soundtracks are full of songs named for the movies. "Once." "Animal House." "Men in Black." "Wild Wild West." "Rock 'n' Roll High School."

Am I naming movies or songs? Yes!

So we challenged ourselves to find movies and songs with the same name but very different stories.

"Shock Treatment": The song by the Ramones is about electroshock therapy; the 1981 movie is a sequel to "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" and also features a song called "Shock Treatment."

"Time After Time": The 1984 Cyndi Lauper song, which has been covered numerous times, is a wistful song from a woman to her lover, possibly dead or merely no longer in the picture. The 1979 movie is about H.G. Wells (Malcolm McDowell) following a time-traveling Jack the Ripper (David Warner) to "modern-day" San Francisco.

"Iron Man": In spite of its use in the commercials, the early '70s song by Black Sabbath is NOT about the comic-book hero. According to Wikipedia:

The song is about a person who travels into the future and witnesses the apocalypse. On his way back, he gets caught in a magnetic field and is turned to iron. When he tries to warn the world about the apocalypse, they cannot hear him for he is made of iron. The people shun him, and as his revenge he kills them all. He then realizes that he is the cause of the apocalypse.

The upcoming "Iron Man" movie is based on the Marvel Comics superhero. In a twist of synergy, the character's origins were later rewritten to include "Iron Man," the song, as the source of the character's name.

Do you have more to add to the list? Share, share!!!

For example, film fans hoping to plan the Most Awesome Party EVER will be thrilled to know the Oscar ceremony is scheduled for Feb. 22, 2009.

However, one note may throw fans for a loop: "One notable change for the 81st Awards is the move of the Nominations Announcement from the traditional Tuesday to a Thursday. The switch was made to avoid a conflict with the 2009 Presidential Inauguration."

What is with this nonsense?!

Get your priorities straight, Academy!

For one thing, the average American spends a LOT more time in a week wondering what to see at the movies than s/he spends deciding who to vote for.*

In addition to that, more people see movies in a year than vote in the presidential elections. Sad but probably true. Turnout would be more impressive if voting booths were in theaters instead of schools and fire stations.

Finally, moving the nominations means that there will be nothing to distract us from what is certain to be an incredibly expensive, self-congratulatory D.C. event. If there's an expensive, self-congratulatory event in January I want to pay attention to, it's the Oscar nominations.

Then again, it's entirely possible the Academy pushed back its announcement so it can RULE the news reports and not have to share the spotlight, in which case I say, well-played, Academy!

* From a poll taken of myself, my husband and our cats, who were not impressed with any of this foolishness. They still wish Gore had won.

"Prom Night," which opened at the top spot both nationally and regionally, made $22.7 million this weekend, $202,030 of that in the IE.

Our bloodlust didn't stop with Brittany Snow, however. We help "Street Kings" to a No. 2 slot. And it overperformed in this area, making $5,896 per theater compared with making $4,864 per theater nationally.

"Superhero Movie" continued success in the region is an example of our love for slapstick movies: It was ranked No. 7 regionally compared with it No. 9 national rank.

And the family films "Nim's Island" and "Horton Hears a Who!" are still strongly representing the all-ages audiences among us. Both films overperformed in this area compared with the national earnings.

In all, this weekend's regional top 10 provided a crystal clear snapshot of the Inland Empire's film likes and dislikes:

1) Horror flicks are represented by "Prom Night" and "The Ruins," which came in at No. 8 both nationally and regionally.

2) Family films such as "Nim's Island" and "Horton Hears a Who!" are rocking.

3) Slapstick comedies "Superhero Movie" and "Drillbit Taylor" are still populating the top 10.

4) Showing our general distaste for dramas, the new movie "Smart People" opened at No. 9 here, while it was No. 7 nationally.

Here are some of my thoughts:

* Country acts: Randy Owen (aka the lead singer of Alabama), Vince Gill (aka Mr. Amy Grant) and Kris Kristofferson (aka Whistler from the "Blade" movies ... and an iconic singer and songwriter) are part of the season. And since it starts about a half year after Stagecoach, they're not just tacking on shows around the festival. Yee-haw!

* "The Musical Adventures of Flat Stanley": I have to admit I was initially intrigued because I misread it as "The Musical Adventures of Paul Stanley." It was only after I got curious and realized it was a musical based on the children's books about the boy flattened by a bulletin board that I got excited. Now, I'm waiting for the musical about "The Maggie B."

* All the ABBA you can handle. Not only is there an ABBA tribute, but "Mamma Mia!" is also coming! The musical gets the movie treatment when it's released in theaters this July, but after seeing it, you can compare it with the stage presentation coming in March 2009. It's hard to tell which will reign supreme. The movie version has Meryl Streep, Colin Firth and Pierce Brosnan, but the stage show has run for forever. (BTW, doesn't the plot seem a bit "Lace 2"? Or am I the only one making that connection?)

* Awesome icons. From Hal Holbrook doing the only Mark Twain you need to see to Joel Grey (Chiun in "Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins" ... but I guess I'd also better mention the Oscar and Tony he won for "Cabaret"), crooner Johnny Mathis and Regis Philbin, just buy tickets now. If you appreciate old-school entertainment, you won't be disappointed.

We know that people in our area like gambling (how else can we explain the popularity of all the area casinos? There's no way all the visitors to Pechanga, Morongo, etc. are tourists!).

So how did "Nim's Island" manage to gain the top spot in our backyard when it was only third nationally?

I have some theories:

1) People in the Inland area love family films. According to the research we commissioned, family and animated films are top genres in our region. Clearly, when a family film comes out, we'll go and see it.

2) People here love PG and PG-13 rated movies. "Nim's Island," with a PG rating, definitely fits with this theory. "21" is rated PG-13, but the gambling plot is adult-oriented, and dramas don't do very well in our region.

3) Jodie Foster, Gerard Butler and Abigail Breslin. Foster's "The Brave One" opened big here, as did Butler's "300" (so much for family films, eh?). Breslin's "Little Miss Sunshine" did merely OK in this area, but was honored at the Palm Springs International Film Festival. I wouldn't go so far as say these actors this area's pet actors, but it seems clear we don't hate them either.

4) "Nim" was new, "21" was not. Audiences in the Inland Empire will crowd a theater for a movie's opening weekend, and unless the word-of-mouth is particularly good, attendance drops off dramatically. "Nim's Island" benefited from this.