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December 2008
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Vivian Rose: October 2007 ArchivesI don’t know about you, but I am soooooo excited that we all got a chance to see Jenni’s 5th grade dance recital. Did you know that Jenni likes to dance? Not only does she really, really like to dance, but she thinks she is really, really good at it. Really?! Cause I’ve seen cartoon characters at Disneyland shake it better than that. Jenni said that she won $50 in her first dance competition. Let me tell you, had I been there, I would have given her $50 to stop! I’m so happy that she is willing to put her love for Brad on hold for a year to pursue her dancing “career” in Phoenix. I’m sure that Brad has been waiting his entire life to sit on the sidelines and watch his girlfriend cheer. On second thought, I’m thinking that he probably had enough of that in high school.
The only thing entertaining about Jenni is Grandma Betty. Though she seems a bit creepy and a little troll-like, I totally get a kick out of her. She’s a straight shooter. She makes sure to ask the really tough questions like, “Are you a drinker?” and throws in snappy phrases like, “That little lady ain’t no walkin’ baby factory.” and “If you don’t treat that girl right...it’s hit the road Jack.” What’s not to love about Grandma? Though I think it’s a little strange to bring a guy to a barber shop to meet your family, all in all, I think the trip to Kansas went well. Jenni’s mom gave him a free shampoo in the salon and her dad said all he cared about was that Brad had goals…didn’t even need to know what they were…as long as he had them, that was good enough. If that’s not low pressure, I don’t know what is. I’m just glad we didn’t have to watch those thousand tapes…sounds like a punishment worse than death! Sheena starts off her date by giving Brad a big hug. She should have started out by grabbing Brad’s hand and running as far away from her mother as possible. Unfortunately for Brad, Sheena and her family are a “package deal” and the package is a little nutty. The date actually started out okay. Her parents pulled up to the dock on a huge yacht in perfectly color coordinated outfits. Everyone was all smiles as they went tubing on the river, but it didn’t take long before the truth came out. Brad revealed that he was a Scorpio and Sheena’s mom took a first class ticket to crazy town. Most of the things that Sheena’s mom said didn’t make any sense at all. She didn’t even complete full sentences, but to give you an idea, here’s a quote on how she knew Brad was right for her daughter, “When I saw your eyes, the first thing I saw were the eyes together, and I couldn’t take my eyes off your eyes.” Want to see what confusion looks like? Just take one look at Brad’s face while he tries to figure out what in the world she is talking about. I think he was planning his escape route. I would have. DeAnna greets Brad with some peaches and welcomes him “back home” to Georgia to meet her family. Brad explains that he takes marriage very seriously and utters his favorite line of the show, “I don’t meet women like your daughter too often”. He actually said the same thing to Jenni’s parents. However, I think this date was by far the most touching. The loss of her mother has obviously made a tremendous impact on the family and they are truly hopeful that Brad could be the one for their daughter. Then, Ya Ya, Papoo, and Uncle Poop Tart (or at least that’s what it sounded like to me) show up with some liquor and the party really gets started. It was like my Big Fat Greek Drunkfest! Where can I get some ouzo? That looks like some good stuff and after his last date, Brad definitely needed a shot or two. Actually, I think he should have stolen a bottle to get through his date with Bettina. Talk about brutal. This hometown date was truly a disaster. Bettina’s father said that Bettina’s first husband “was a wonderful, wonderful man” and that she would “never find another man who is any better”. If that weren’t bad enough, when Brad explained that he dropped out of school to start his own business, Bettina’s father said that it was a “great disappointment” and later told Bettina that “it would have been nice if he had a PHD”. Yeah…no kidding! But I can’t even remember the last time I met someone with a PHD and I’m pretty sure I had no interest in dating him. Seriously?! What is so great about your daughter? She’s 27, going on husband number two, and in desperate need of a cracker…seriously could someone feed her between now and next week’s show? I don’t think she could even hold a conversation with a doctor. She can barely hold a conversation with Brad. I guess she’ll always be daddy’s little girl. Ultimately, it was Sheena who went home in tears. The feelings just weren’t there. “That natural feeling” was missing. I guess whatever Sheena’s mom saw in the stars was wrong. She’s the one…just not the one for Brad. Next week, we get to see Brad and all three bachelorettes in Cabo as they “show him” just how they feel on their exciting overnight dates. Will they or won’t they forgo their individual rooms to spend the night together in the fantasy suite?! How do you know that Brad is just not that into you? If he uses the word friends in every sentence.
I couldn’t decide whether to feel sorry for Hillary or smack her for being so delusional. Brad is the only bachelor who has ever tried to give a girl a heads up before a rose ceremony, so she wouldn’t be blind sided. But as Brad put it, “How can I relay that to someone who won’t listen to a word I’m saying?” He even said, “Do you follow me?”. The answer of course was NO! She followed up by saying, “I know without a doubt that you could be not only my best friend, you could be my lover and also a great husband to me. Every time I’m with you I light up….” Wait a minute…that’s it…she must be high. That’s the only explanation I can come up with to explain how she missed all of the signs. That and maybe the lack of oxygen to her brain. She was strapped in that dress so tight, it’s no wonder she kept saying she couldn’t breath after the rose ceremony. He didn’t give you a rose Hillary. Obviously the cleavage didn’t work. He cut Solisa two shows ago. That should have told you something. Continue reading "Week Five: Just Friends" » This episode of, “Who’s the Biggest Wuss?” is sponsored by Kleenex. Seriously…who didn’t cry on this show? I guess they all figured out Brad’s weakness.
Ultimately poor Jade was trampled by “De De”. Jade wasted her private time on the date trying to convince Brad that she was someone she’s not…like shy, reserved, and quiet… or interesting or mature. Brad put it best when he said, “Jade, I think I’ve gotten to know the true you in a very short amount of time” and on that note…you’re not what I’m looking for…or at least that’s what it sounded like to me. The rose went to DeAnna, who somehow winds up half naked in a hot tub with Brad at the end of the date. I’m still confused on how she got into the pink bikini. Was she wearing it under the white pant suit? And why did we have to wait 40 minutes to see Brad with his shirt off? That’s got to be a season record. Continue reading "Week Four: Why Don't You Cry About It?" » Mirror mirror on the wall…who’s the dumbest girl of all? Well it’s a 3 way tie this week between McCarten, Sarah, and Lindsey. How could they not know it was a different guy?! Brad and his identical twin brother Chad played the ultimate game of switch-a-roo on the unexpecting bachelorettes. I can understand them being nervous or not picking up on it immediately, especially the girls who were outside with little or no lighting, but not catching on at all…not even a little?! Like I said last week…they look alike, but not that much alike.
Continue reading "Week Three: Switch-a-roo" » I think we have all learned an important lesson from this week’s The Bachelor. When things don’t seem to be going your way…take your top off! It certainly worked for Solisa.
Continue reading "Week Two: Heartbreak Brad" » |
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