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December 2008
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Recently by Vivian Rose
Well, we learned that the person who really knows Brad better than anyone, is his mother. On the final episode of The Bachelor, Brad’s mom said that Brad sees the world as black and white and that he was very disturbed by the fact that he could possibly have feelings for two women at once. As usual…momma was right. I don’t think that the finale is all that confusing when you realize that Brad really believes in fairytales. Brad wants to look EVERYONE in the eye and make sure that they all know that his heart is broken too. As he put it, he came on the show to find love and he didn’t find it. He found feelings, and like, and lots of things that he thought he was looking for in a potential wife, but not love. He said, “I do believe in this idea of love, this over the top romantic idea of love…I came here hoping so badly to find that.” He wants to be able to look a girl in the eye and know 100% that this is for a lifetime. The truth is that life is not perfect. I get it that he “has issues” and if he truly didn’t think that he could ever fall in love with either of those girls, then yes, absolutely he should have walked away, but I think he is going to be waiting a long time if he thinks that anyone is ever going to be 100% perfect for him or that he will ever be 100% perfect for them. I actually have to admit that Jenni and DeAnna are two beautiful women, who both deserve a better man than Brad. Both deserve a man who won’t walk away, a man who lives in reality, instead of in some fantasy world where everything is black and white, where fairy princesses jump off horse drawn carriages and sweep him off his feet. It is not an easy thing to tell somebody you care about goodbye. That’s because usually when you REALLY care about someone, you don’t say goodbye. You keep those people in your life and you cherish them for having the guts to love you. If I were DeAnna, my question for Brad would have been, “Why did you buy a ring and fly my dad out there if you didn’t love me and you didn’t have butterflies?” If I were Jenni, my question for Brad would have been, “Can we still make out?” I thought I too could take the high road, but it seems I have failed again. Did anyone see the girl at the end of the show who asked if Brad was still single? Is it just me or did she look like a mix between Kendra from the “The Girls Next Door” and a chipmunk? She might just be the girl Brad has been looking for! Brad, I’d like to look you in the eye, both of them, and tell you that we’ll miss you more than you will ever know, but I’m quite sure that DeAnna will not! Thank you to everyone who has tuned in every week and taken the time to read my blog and post comments. May you all find that “just right perfect person”.
So, what was the straw that broke the camel’s back? Did he finally notice the strange happy face tattoo on Jenni’s back? Did the McNasty nickname the girls gave to DeAnna finally catch up to her? We may never know… I guess we have to analyze what Brad said to truly understand why Brad decided to remain a bachelor. “Both are almost perfect”…translation…neither of them is perfect and that’s what I’m truly looking for. “I like the fact that DeAnna is strong, independent, and she doesn‘t need me”…translation…deep down I actually want someone who does need me. “Jenni brings out a side of me that no one else has”…translation…I don’t like that side. “I look at you and I see so many things”…translation…none of which I like. “What are you going to do when I leave the toilet seat up?”…translation…I like to leave the toilet seat up. “I know exactly what I’m going to do today. I have to follow my heart. I’ve dreamt (actually he said dreamed) about this day my entire life”…translation…this is the day I declare myself a bachelor forever! “I feel like I’m going to break two hearts”…translation…YOU DID! I have to say that I actually feel really bad for both of them. It’s hard enough to get rejected, but to be practically forced to tell the entire world that you love someone and be rejected by that person on national television….that’s rough! “I don’t love you back” is the worst thing a girl can ever hear. That and “I have to walk you out now”. Brad…I’d like to shoot you straight. Don’t go after women who are more than 5 years younger than you…they typically won’t find your ear hair sexy. Don’t go out with women who have a tendency to cry a lot…they have trouble hearing the words “lets just be friends” when they are sobbing uncontrollably. Don’t take body shots off women who say they are “religious”. And finally…as Jenni’s dad put it…there is one person in this life for you and someday you’ll find them. Just try not to slam her dress in the door when you send her on her marry way. Only 11 women were invited back this year to “tell all”. I guess they finally figured out that not all of the women really have anything worth while to say or maybe the others were just too embarrassed to come back and show their faces.
The show begins with a quick run down of how hot Brad is...like we didn’t know. Jade said that she plastered her face against the window inside the limo to see what Brad looked like and Hillary said that she thought Brad was hotter than David Beckham. I’m sorry Hillary, but NO ONE is hotter than David Beckham…and no amount of sucking up is going to change the fact that you are JUST FRIENDS! All of the ladies were in rare form as they played back clip after clip of the women tearing each other apart. There was a lot of “implant envy” and use of the “B” word. As tough as it was to watch, it was by far my favorite part of the show. McCarten thanked everyone for wasting so much time and energy hating on her. She tried to convince everyone that she wasn’t really an awful person, just more “mature” and “forward” than the rest, and Jade spoke up about her distaste for DeAnna. I wish someone would have spoken up about their distaste for her Star Trek uniform and Hillary’s purple eye shadow. It’s like she bathed in it! Did she think it would help hold back the tears while we reviewed her crying montage? Hillary was the first girl to hit the “hot seat”. We got one more chance to see the “most dramatic bachelorette ever”! She sat there with big sad puppy dog eyes as she watched her tragedy unfold like a bad soap opera. It was, however, nice to finally see her admit that she acted like a psychotic idiot. She went as far as to say that she wished someone had served her some PMS medication and said that if she were Brad, she would have run for the door. Most of the memorable comments throughout the show were made by Hillary. As she put it…"I can’t help it, I'm just full of whity things to say". Really?! Well here’s some whit for you Hillary…you’re like a used car too, only no one wants to marry you. They just kick your tires and realize that there’s a lot of hot air coming out from under the hood. You got the “friend card” as you put it. Obviously, whatever you were doing didn’t work. Maybe you should stop looking at everyone else’s faults and focus more on improving your own. Bettina was the last one to leave the show before the Women Tell All Special. We got to see the emotional journey as she falls in love with Brad and her family bashes his poor sweet sole into the ground. Shockingly enough, Bettina jumps to her family’s defense, saying that he should have expected them to be skeptical and have their opinions about him. She said that she felt like he was attacking her family and said that she was turned off by Brad getting so defensive. What was he suppose to say? That’s cool…I know that I’m a self-made millionaire and all, but I can see how being a well-educated pretentious jerk like your father would be more attractive. Please! Please! Go back home and beg your wonderful, wonderful ex-husband to take you back. I think your dad is right…you will never find someone better. Sheena put all of her feelings on the line. She said that she felt like the luckiest woman in the whole world…to get dumped on national television. She was however, Chad’s favorite. Brad’s twin brother came out to say hello to all the ladies and pointed out once again that he felt like Sheena was totally genuine and exuded class. Too bad Chad isn’t single…she might have had a chance with him. Finally, Brad comes out to welcome the broken hearts with a nervous wave. He said that he wished he could run up and hug each and every one of them. I’m sure that he stopped himself to avoid giving Hillary any mixed signals. Brad said “every rose ceremony broke my heart.” He was always afraid that if he made the wrong decision, it could affect the rest of his life. Who will be the last one standing? Well the girls think its Jenni. Six votes went to Jenni, five went to DeAnna. It’s going to be a close call. They’ve said that this is going to be the most shocking ending ever! I assume he picks Jenni, but she turns him down to devote her life to dancing and making headbands for children with no sense of style or taste. Tune in next week as we FINALLY see who Brad wants to spend the rest of his life with and who gets the better luck next time card. What’s with all the breathing? Seriously…was that really necessary? We get it…it’s a dramatic rose ceremony. No need for the sound effects. Personally, I’m breathing a sigh of relief that Bettina got the boot! I could hear you all cheering!
Bettina…Bettina…Bettina. Who are you really? Do you really love the water? Were you really in love with Brad? Why did it take you sooooo long to figure out how attractive he is? Is it because you are really shy? Is it because you are really afraid to put yourself out there? We may never know. All we know about you is that you love to tie your hair in a knot and talk really slowly and really softly so you sound sincere. You have to be the only girl in history to make it to the final three without kissing the bachelor. You waited until the overnight date to give the guy a smooch. You had to know you weren’t getting a rose. It’s no wonder Brad was asking himself if you had any substance. And who do you think you were fooling with that line about “the only concern your family had was whether or not his feelings were the same as yours”? That’s total bull! He’s not stupid. They made it obvious that they did not approve of him, his job, his education, or his lifestyle. Darlin’…you don’t look good on paper or with Brad. The only time you looked good was driving away in that limo. I hope you are able to fall in love on your own again someday, but you have to put yourself out there. You can’t just walk around looking skinny and cute and think that’s going to be enough. These days you have to show a brother some love! If you haven’t guessed it by now, Brad chose Jenni and DeAnna. I can’t help but to ask, why does Jenni always get to go first? Did she call shot gun on Brad? First impression rose, first kiss, and first overnight date. Everyone has to play sloppy seconds with Jenni…even the dolphin! Just when we thought there was no possible way we’d have to see Jenni dance again, she does the tango with a porpoise. Jenni has trouble expressing her feeling in words, but she always gets her point across with interpretive dance and the horizontal mambo in the fantasy suite. She just put it all out there didn’t she? Let’s get it on! As Brad put it, Jenni is “different in a very special way”. The special way that makes Brad ignore her annoying laugh and bad fashion sense. He is the man she dreams about when she’s not buying cotton dresses and hoop earrings. I hope he knows what he’s doing with this one. DeAnna’s competitive side came out this week and she pretty much made Brad look like a sissy boy on the race track. Good thing for her he liked it. I guess she wanted to come in first on their date, since she’d be the third one to make it back to the fantasy suite. I’m sure Brad was hoping she would take the lead in the bedroom as well. I don’t think cuddling was all that went on that night. I was quite surprised to hear Brad say that DeAnna was exactly the kind of woman he was looking for…his sole mate even. Apparently, Brad wants a woman who can kick his butt at dune bug racing, drink him under the table, and render him speechless. As Brad put it…he doesn’t meet girls like her very often. Next week is the ever so special “Women Tell All”, where we get to see all of the women return to relive all of their painful rejection over and over again. Let the cat fights begin! I don’t know about you, but I am soooooo excited that we all got a chance to see Jenni’s 5th grade dance recital. Did you know that Jenni likes to dance? Not only does she really, really like to dance, but she thinks she is really, really good at it. Really?! Cause I’ve seen cartoon characters at Disneyland shake it better than that. Jenni said that she won $50 in her first dance competition. Let me tell you, had I been there, I would have given her $50 to stop! I’m so happy that she is willing to put her love for Brad on hold for a year to pursue her dancing “career” in Phoenix. I’m sure that Brad has been waiting his entire life to sit on the sidelines and watch his girlfriend cheer. On second thought, I’m thinking that he probably had enough of that in high school.
The only thing entertaining about Jenni is Grandma Betty. Though she seems a bit creepy and a little troll-like, I totally get a kick out of her. She’s a straight shooter. She makes sure to ask the really tough questions like, “Are you a drinker?” and throws in snappy phrases like, “That little lady ain’t no walkin’ baby factory.” and “If you don’t treat that girl right...it’s hit the road Jack.” What’s not to love about Grandma? Though I think it’s a little strange to bring a guy to a barber shop to meet your family, all in all, I think the trip to Kansas went well. Jenni’s mom gave him a free shampoo in the salon and her dad said all he cared about was that Brad had goals…didn’t even need to know what they were…as long as he had them, that was good enough. If that’s not low pressure, I don’t know what is. I’m just glad we didn’t have to watch those thousand tapes…sounds like a punishment worse than death! Sheena starts off her date by giving Brad a big hug. She should have started out by grabbing Brad’s hand and running as far away from her mother as possible. Unfortunately for Brad, Sheena and her family are a “package deal” and the package is a little nutty. The date actually started out okay. Her parents pulled up to the dock on a huge yacht in perfectly color coordinated outfits. Everyone was all smiles as they went tubing on the river, but it didn’t take long before the truth came out. Brad revealed that he was a Scorpio and Sheena’s mom took a first class ticket to crazy town. Most of the things that Sheena’s mom said didn’t make any sense at all. She didn’t even complete full sentences, but to give you an idea, here’s a quote on how she knew Brad was right for her daughter, “When I saw your eyes, the first thing I saw were the eyes together, and I couldn’t take my eyes off your eyes.” Want to see what confusion looks like? Just take one look at Brad’s face while he tries to figure out what in the world she is talking about. I think he was planning his escape route. I would have. DeAnna greets Brad with some peaches and welcomes him “back home” to Georgia to meet her family. Brad explains that he takes marriage very seriously and utters his favorite line of the show, “I don’t meet women like your daughter too often”. He actually said the same thing to Jenni’s parents. However, I think this date was by far the most touching. The loss of her mother has obviously made a tremendous impact on the family and they are truly hopeful that Brad could be the one for their daughter. Then, Ya Ya, Papoo, and Uncle Poop Tart (or at least that’s what it sounded like to me) show up with some liquor and the party really gets started. It was like my Big Fat Greek Drunkfest! Where can I get some ouzo? That looks like some good stuff and after his last date, Brad definitely needed a shot or two. Actually, I think he should have stolen a bottle to get through his date with Bettina. Talk about brutal. This hometown date was truly a disaster. Bettina’s father said that Bettina’s first husband “was a wonderful, wonderful man” and that she would “never find another man who is any better”. If that weren’t bad enough, when Brad explained that he dropped out of school to start his own business, Bettina’s father said that it was a “great disappointment” and later told Bettina that “it would have been nice if he had a PHD”. Yeah…no kidding! But I can’t even remember the last time I met someone with a PHD and I’m pretty sure I had no interest in dating him. Seriously?! What is so great about your daughter? She’s 27, going on husband number two, and in desperate need of a cracker…seriously could someone feed her between now and next week’s show? I don’t think she could even hold a conversation with a doctor. She can barely hold a conversation with Brad. I guess she’ll always be daddy’s little girl. Ultimately, it was Sheena who went home in tears. The feelings just weren’t there. “That natural feeling” was missing. I guess whatever Sheena’s mom saw in the stars was wrong. She’s the one…just not the one for Brad. Next week, we get to see Brad and all three bachelorettes in Cabo as they “show him” just how they feel on their exciting overnight dates. Will they or won’t they forgo their individual rooms to spend the night together in the fantasy suite?! How do you know that Brad is just not that into you? If he uses the word friends in every sentence.
I couldn’t decide whether to feel sorry for Hillary or smack her for being so delusional. Brad is the only bachelor who has ever tried to give a girl a heads up before a rose ceremony, so she wouldn’t be blind sided. But as Brad put it, “How can I relay that to someone who won’t listen to a word I’m saying?” He even said, “Do you follow me?”. The answer of course was NO! She followed up by saying, “I know without a doubt that you could be not only my best friend, you could be my lover and also a great husband to me. Every time I’m with you I light up….” Wait a minute…that’s it…she must be high. That’s the only explanation I can come up with to explain how she missed all of the signs. That and maybe the lack of oxygen to her brain. She was strapped in that dress so tight, it’s no wonder she kept saying she couldn’t breath after the rose ceremony. He didn’t give you a rose Hillary. Obviously the cleavage didn’t work. He cut Solisa two shows ago. That should have told you something. Continue reading "Week Five: Just Friends" » This episode of, “Who’s the Biggest Wuss?” is sponsored by Kleenex. Seriously…who didn’t cry on this show? I guess they all figured out Brad’s weakness.
Ultimately poor Jade was trampled by “De De”. Jade wasted her private time on the date trying to convince Brad that she was someone she’s not…like shy, reserved, and quiet… or interesting or mature. Brad put it best when he said, “Jade, I think I’ve gotten to know the true you in a very short amount of time” and on that note…you’re not what I’m looking for…or at least that’s what it sounded like to me. The rose went to DeAnna, who somehow winds up half naked in a hot tub with Brad at the end of the date. I’m still confused on how she got into the pink bikini. Was she wearing it under the white pant suit? And why did we have to wait 40 minutes to see Brad with his shirt off? That’s got to be a season record. Continue reading "Week Four: Why Don't You Cry About It?" » Mirror mirror on the wall…who’s the dumbest girl of all? Well it’s a 3 way tie this week between McCarten, Sarah, and Lindsey. How could they not know it was a different guy?! Brad and his identical twin brother Chad played the ultimate game of switch-a-roo on the unexpecting bachelorettes. I can understand them being nervous or not picking up on it immediately, especially the girls who were outside with little or no lighting, but not catching on at all…not even a little?! Like I said last week…they look alike, but not that much alike.
Continue reading "Week Three: Switch-a-roo" » I think we have all learned an important lesson from this week’s The Bachelor. When things don’t seem to be going your way…take your top off! It certainly worked for Solisa.
Continue reading "Week Two: Heartbreak Brad" » Bachelor Blog – Week One
Last night ABC premiered the 11th season of The Bachelor, starring Austin’s very own Brad Womack. If you weren’t sure that this was going to be the “sexiest season of The Bachelor ever”, ABC makes sure to remind you of it every five seconds. However, this Texas gentleman definitely lived up to all the hype. I found myself getting a little nervous for Brad as he sat down for his talk with host, Chris Harrison, who asked him how much money he makes, why he’s still single, and what he’s looking to get out of this experience. What I don’t think he was looking for was a room full of 25 crazy women who were willing to do everything from turning themselves into human pretzels to stripping down to their bikinis, just to get a rose. The first impression rose went to Jenni, the Phoenix Suns cheerleader from Kansas. If you are a long time fan of the show, you should know that two of the past winners were Kansas girls. Jenni is sure to be one to watch, if you can get past her annoying laugh and that ridiculous head band.
Continue reading "Meeting the Bachelorettes" » |
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