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July 2009
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Christie Humphries: May 2009 ArchivesAll I want to know is why Jillian kept Foot Fetish?! She even admitted that she knew, Tanner P's obsession with feet went too far and yet she kept him anyway. I say the minute you start to see the creepy side, cut your losses and run. You don't want to wake up one morning to find some dude at the foot of your bed painting your toe nails. "Sorry honey. I saw a chip and thought I would help you out with a touch up on the polish". Creepy! That's all I'm saying. This week the boys were sent on a bit of a scavenger hunt to find Jillian. Forced to pair off into their mini cooper's (wonder how much they paid for that product placement), the boys frantically ran around the city looking for clues to where their beloved Jillian could be. The dynamic duo of Wes and Brad were the first to arrive at the bank to find out that only one of them would get to share a romantic dinner with Jillian in the vault. Unfortunately for Brad, who declared himself the brains of the organization...or only brain, Jillian selected Wes to join her and left poor Brad out in the cold. All that work for nothing! I think I actually fell asleep for a while during Wes and Jillian's date in the vault. I know he's cute and all, but he talks so slow...and not in a sexy way. Maybe if he was saying something more interested...like anything about something other than himself and his "music", it would be different, but I would have asked someone to let me out of there. Jake, the hot pilot, got to kick up his boots on his one on one date with Jillian. When she picked him up in her black cocktail dress and knee high red leather cowboy boots, I wasn't quite sure what to think. But I forgot about Jillian completely the minute they stepped into the dressing room and Jake started trying on western wear. I've never really had a thing for cowboys, but when he took off his shirt, I think I let out a little Yeeeehaaa! That boy is fine and he can dance! I think he even showed Jillian a thing or two on the dance floor. They even got their own intimate concert with Martina McBride. I think Jake got a little more than a rose out of that date. The final group date was interesting. Basically, Jillian took the boys out to a basketball court in Venice Beach to get schooled by the Harlem Globetrotters. You could see the competitiveness starting to boil up in all the guys....especially David. For a guy who got so choked up, he couldn't even speak on the first episode, he sure has a lot to say now and it's usually all about Juan. I have issues with guys who get that worked up this early in the show. They usually turn out to have anger management issues. I'm pretty sure that even if she does wind up cutting Juan, he'll find someone else to hate. Mike showed us his adventurous side...otherwise known as his Speedo side, when he decided that the best way to impress Jillian, was to put it all there and run into the Pacific Ocean. I guess she liked what she saw, even after the cold water, because she kept him around. Brian on the other hand was not so lucky. He jumped in the pool naked and admitted that he might have been hung like a light switch. It just may have been the final factor in Jillian's decision to send him home. She also ditched Mathue, who seemed like a sweet little county boy...not very smart...but sweet. He teared up a little at the end. I kind of felt bad for him. I don't think he ever really had a chance. The English soccer coach Simon also went home without a rose. He was so bad on the basketball court, I have a hard time believing that he is athletic enough to be a coach of any sport. And finally...there was Julien. I don't really know why Jillian decided to let him go. He didn't even get a date this week. Maybe she just thought it would be lame to date a guy with almost the same name. Maybe she was hoping that he might hire her some day to decorate one of his restaurants and she doesn't like to mix business with pleasure or maybe she prefers guys who have a foot fetish over those who drive Lamborghini's. Who knows!? Let's just hope she makes better decisions next week, because I don't want to see Tanner rubbing her feet again and I don't know how many times I can stand to listen to Wes sing that stupid song. Jillian no longer cares what her guy puts on his hotdog, as long as he knows how to use it! She's looking for a guy that knows how to have a good time and knows what he wants. And this season, she'll have more guys to choose from than ever before...the dirty 30 as I like to call them. The show begins with the usual recap of heart-broken Jillian crying in the limo with her bra showing, followed by a montage of what Jillian has been up to since the show ended (ie. trying on shoes, pretending to be a jogger, watering her flowers, walking in the park looking like she's lost in thought). The only thing she's really been doing since the show ended is preparing for her own show. Not that I blame her. I'd be working out like a mad woman too if I was about to move into a "MAN"sion-o-men. I have to admit, I'm a bit jealous, and I think she got a pretty good crop of hot men to choose from. The first man out of the limo was Kiptyn. Now we already got a preview of what Kiptyn had to offer and it's pretty obvious that he spends most of his free time working on his abs. In fact, I'm not sure why he bothered wearing a suit at all. If you want the first impression rose, you should show the goods babe. But Jillian was "super pumped" to meet him anyway. The first limo also gave us our first look at Brian, who became famous for phrases like "hot tub Harris" and "sassy minx", as well as Jake -the hot pilot, Bryan, who swept her off her feet....literally, and John, who over did it with the polished hick conversation and shares with us that the white dress was a little intimidating for him. I smell a fear of commitment coming from that one. Limo two introduces us to some interesting characters as well. First, there was Dave, who was at a loss for words when meeting Jillian. He also looked a little bit like "The Rock" only whiter and less manly. Then there was Tanner from Denver, who told us that he couldn't wait to get her into a rocking chair...or something like that. Michael "THE DANCER" made his move, followed by Robby the "bartender by trade" who has a special drink for all the VIP people in his life. I have a feeling most of his dates have a headache the next morning. AND finally John, the I'm super drunk and super excited to hug you guy. Rounding out the first 15 was Sasha, who was very cute and seemed pretty normal. He didn't try anything corny or rehearsed. He was just himself and charming. I can't quite say the same for Brad, who brushed his shoulders off when exiting the limo and showed her the label inside his jacket and referred to that as his "best side". Mathue (with a u) had her sign his hat and talked about all his favorite country singers. Simon, from England, brought her some tea bags...OK! Whatever... and last, but not least, there was Jesse, who said he only agreed to do the show because she was going to be The Bachelorette. Could be a future stalker. We'll have to see. Chris Harrison took a quick break to ask Jillian what she thought so far. She gushed as she admitted that they were way hotter than she expected and was afraid that it might be harder for her to choose. At this point, I wish I had initiated a drinking game where everyone had to start taking shots every time someone used the word "awesome". It would have made the show much more interesting. The final ten proved to be equally as fascinating. Julien, the restauranteur, seemed much more charming in person, than he did in the preview, where he was driving around in his lambo. They might actually be a good match. He could buy the restaurants and she could decorate them. He's also TALL. Gotta love tall men. Next was Wes, from Austin! Too bad he's only on the show trying to get a record deal...or so it seems. Kyle chose to wear a retro 80's leather jacket and got lost walking around the fountain...WINNER! There was also some guy named Adam, that's not worth mentioning, because she never speaks to him and he gets cut anyway and the attorney Stephen, who lacked looks, charm, and a sense of humor. FINALLY, the last limo arrives so that Juan can grace us with his presence. He's a momma's boy and general contractor, originally from Argentina. He lived there when he was two, I hardly think that counts, but he demonstrated that he picked up some Spanish while he was there. Then David Cook gets out of the limo, otherwise known as Caleb. He shakes her hand, gives her a hug and basically walks off and tells her he'll see her inside. I guess he wanted to see if there was anyone hotter in there before he committed to her. Oh wait...she's the only girl on the show. No wonder he didn't look too surprised when he got cut. Then she gets to meet Josh, the 25 year old life guard...enough said...and Greg, the exotic dancer, who likes to "hug it out". Jillian actually gave him a handshake, which was probably to prevent getting body oil on her dress. The final guy was Pizza Man Mark, who wanted to know what she liked on her pizza. Can we stop with the toppings already?! It's making me hungry. Jillian takes a moment to catch her breath before heading into the man den. Jake was the first to pull her away for some one on one time to see if she could be his "co-pilot". He seemed really obsessed with aviation. He also happened to mention that he was the only person in his family who was not a doctor...he could have just said that he came from money and decided to take up his hobby as a career. Jesse interrupted their little mini date to let Jillian know that he was a wine maker....maker of "love juice" as he called it. But I think he really won her over with the "Aspiring Canadian" t-shirt. That was obviously a pre-meditated wardrobe selection. It was basically a whirlwind after that, one guy after another going on and on about how stupid Jason was to let her go and how they were looking for their best friend too....blah...blah...blah. The funniest part about the mingler was the subtitles for the English guy. He's English! It's English! Why are there subtitles? He's not that hard to understand. I had a harder time understanding the dance off between Michael and Greg. I was kind of impressed that they were able to do all that in their dress shirts and pants, but at the same time...it was like a bad rendition of "So You Think You Can Dance" and "Beat Street". I think Michael was the winner of dance dance revolution. As if the guys weren't under enough pressure, Chris Harrison decides to mix things up a bit. He gathers everyone together and introduces FIVE new guys! Bringing the total to 30. I think I heard one of the guys ask, "Can we physically fight them?" Most of the new guys seemed pretty cool, but Tanner 2, stole the show with his foot fetish. Maybe it's just me, but I don't know many women in their 20's and 30's with really jacked up feet. It seemed a little strange to me that looking at her feet was so important. How many women has he dated with talons? Was he on the "Cougar" before trying out for The Bachelorette? I was pretty sure I knew who she was going to pick for the first impression rose, but when she gave it to Dave, I was at a loss for words. I don't know if she felt sorry for him or she secretly has a thing for trucking contractors, but I didn't see that one coming. In fact I was shocked by several of her picks. Like Brian, who was the biggest cheese ball of the group, sensitive Brad who just did nothing for me, and both Tanners! How can you have two Tanners? She had to cut 10. As I mentioned before, she got rid of Caleb and Adam. She also cut Stephen, Kyle, both John's, Josh the lifeguard, Bryce who was one of the new guys who didn't really have a chance, Greg who is probably going back to work for Chippendales, and Bryan who apparently didn't sweep her off her feet after all. It was actually tough watching them say their goodbye's. There was a lot of awkward hugging and "Hey dude, that sucks" looks going back and forth, but no one's exit was more poetic than Stephen, who left us with this to ponder... "Maybe she just doesn't like awesome guys". Yeah Stephen...I'm sure that's it. Tune in next week for the TOP TWENTY countdown. It looks like these guys are going to be fighting over more than just Jillian's heart...they're going to be physically fighting one another.
If you didn't get enough of the lovely Jillian on last season's THE BACHELOR, don't worry...she's baaaaaack...on the new season of THE BACHELORETTE. The promos don't give us any real insight into the show other than the fact that they found a guy with a foot fetish. So I had to go online to check out the line up and it looks like Miss Jillian will have 30 men to choose from, not the usual 25. I would like to start by making some initial observations and award announcements: Best Use of Hair Product in a Headshot Award goes to - MIKE 28 Baseball Camp Owner. Pretty sure he's not ready to grow up. Most Likely to win a David Cook Look Alike Contest - Caleb 27 Photographer. Best I Can't Believe They Picked Me to Be on this Show Face - Kyle 26 Graphic Designer And Last But Not Least.... THE THREE NO NO NOOOS! Otherwise known as my three top picks to be kicked off in the first episode. Tune in Monday, May 25th to see if Jillian can show Jason how to make a decision and stick to it. |
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