One in a Million

Who won DeAnna's heart.....THIS GUY!

Can you believe it?! Jesse...the long-haired, free wheeling, snowboarder with the pink shoe laces. I think DeAnna's exact words were, "I would never in a million years picture myself with Jesse." God I hope that's not what my future husband says about me.

I've said for weeks now that I can't read this girl and this week was no exception. Our dramatic conclusion to The Bachelorette was full of surprises. I was probably the most surprised by the return of Jeremy. That poor dude. He just keeps coming back for a beating. I understand that DeAnna wanted to help the guy out by giving him some closure that she felt like she never got from Brad (God, if I never hear that name again...it will be too soon) Womack, but basically telling Jeremy...I like those dudes more and I am so sad to have to tell you this AGAIN...but I have to let you go...probably didn't make him feel any better. Even he got down on one knee...to cry of course...but still! What's the deal?! She couldn't get a proposal out of Brad, but she has these guys dropping like flies. They finally show Jeremy pulling away in a limo...again...and then they show a shot of an airplane leaving the island...seriously?! That's not his plane! Like we needed to make the whole thing MORE DRAMATIC. Why don't you bring Graham back and let them fight and pull each other's hair for ten minutes...that would have at least been more interesting.

The finale like all finales of the Bachelor/Bachelorette featured a back and forth montage of all of the romantic moments shared by Jesse and Jason with DeAnna. Jason of course talked about learning to fall in love again and losing his body armor, which he later admitted...he never really had. Jesse talked about how much he was falling for DeAnna and reminded everyone just how insecure he was. It didn't exactly help matters when DeAnna continued to point out the fact that she was never really attracted to guys like him. No wonder he wanted to throw up walking into the diamond store. Nothing says I love you like...you're not my type...but you'll do!

Meeting the parents was a bit of a trip too. DeAnna allowed Jason and Jesse to meet her dad and siblings one on one, but then brought them both back at the same time to meet the entire family. Jesse thought he was going to a BBQ...not a threesome! You could tell that they were both a bit uncomfortable. The funniest part for me was watching Jason wag his tail at the door waiting for DeAnna to let him in. There is nothing sexy about that. He also looked a bit like a sad little puppy when he realized he'd be sharing DeAnna for the day. Oddly enough...he seemed to sail through the interviews with DeAnna's family. They all liked him. However, I felt bad for Jesse as he sat there and was grilled by DeAnna's father. You could tell he was SCARED TO DEATH! They were actually sitting on the porch, but it felt more like he was sitting behind a desk with a bright light in his face. Tell me about snowboarding Jesse...how are you going to support my daughter when you are too old to snowboard...and cut that hair! I'm exaggerating a bit, but they were much harder on him than Jason.

I think Jesse eventually won them over with the nugs! That's rad speak for knuckle bumping or funny hand shake. Jesse even had Grandma "yaya" hit it and click it! I love how Grandma asked which one was rich. Answer...neither of them! But Jason wasn't going to let a lack of money or his "three foot tall wild card" ruin his chances. He was inside charming the entire family with his "greek specialty" in the kitchen and intimate conversations with the grandparents about life and love. Jesse you ask? Oh he's still outside showing everyone how to blow it up! Rock it out Jesse! When he did finally find his balls...Jesse took DeAnna's dad aside and explained to him how he knew that DeAnna was the one. He shared with him the conversation he had had with his own father about sweaty palms and butterflies. He asked DeAnna's father to give him the same stamp of approval that his father had given to DeAnna. DeAnna's father gave in on the condition that he keep his hair short and bring her back to visit on a regular basis...otherwise his son and nephew would hunt him down and beat the crap out of him...real comforting...welcome to the family!

They finished off the family get together with shots of ouzo! Man I could have used one of those. Everyone hugged and said their goodbyes as Grandma got a little kiss on the cheek from both of the boys and an extra nug from Jesse. At this point, I would have thought that Jason had it in the bag. Of course...the show always does that...they want you to be fooled. BUT honestly they could have made me think it was Jesse the whole time and I don't think I would have believed it, if I hadn't seen it for myself.

DeAnna and Jesse's final date in the Bahamas, took them to a private island where they got to spend the entire day together alone with the camera crew. I kind of love how much Jesse appreciates everything. He's always looking around and taking everything in..even DeAnna. He's always looking at her and squeezing her...sometimes it looks like he's even smelling her too. She's the girl that has the key to my heart...as he puts it...very sweet! On their last night together, he gives her a book of thoughts...full of photos and his feelings. Was I the only one wondering when were all of those photos taken? I don't remember a party pic guy running around. Anyway...It was a very intimate moment and it was the first time I really saw the connection between the two of them, especially when she went back for one last kiss before leaving his hotel room. Jesse said...I don't know what I would do if she doesn't choose me. I found myself rooting for him at this point. I just couldn't bare the thought of his broken heart.

Jason's last date was a little different. First, he has the dorkiest run in the world! He runs down the pier to meet up with DeAnna who asks, "Are you excited?" "Yeah!" Jason says. Then DeAnna lets him in on the fact that they are swimming with sharks. Not so excited now. They give each other one last kiss before diving in and becoming fish bait. DeAnna felt like in the beginning Jason was playing it safe, so I guess she figured diving with sharks would let her know if he had a wild side in him like Jesse. Apparently, what he really had was a crafty side. Later, back at the hotel, Mr. Martha Stewart made DeAnna a board game, which relived all of their romantic times together. If the butt wagging, the dork run, and the DeAnnaopoly Game wasn't bad enough, Jason referring to himself as "J" and DeAnna as "D" was probably the moment that I was ready for them to say goodnight.

Both guys picked up their free rings, donated as product placement for the show. Jason didn't seem to have any problem picking out the perfect ring for DeAnna, but then again this ain't his first time at the RODEO! On the other hand, Jesse's stomach was in knots. In fact...he almost heaved on the way to the store. I choose to believe that he felt sick only because he was so afraid of being rejected and not the fear of commitment, but still...nothing about their relationship has been typical. Even the proposal letter he was writing seemed strange. I tried to pause it several times, but this is all I was able to make out, "I love you soo much...I love making you smile on the inside and out. Our family...many years of whip creamy cheesecake. Your the one!" That's a quote! Where was the whip creamy cheesecake? Did I miss that? Can I get some? Is that what made you sick at your stomach? Again...all very strange and yet somehow perfect all at the same time.

These guys are so different...from the suits they wore to the final rose ceremy to the difference in the rings they chose, there was very little that they had in common except their love for DeAnna. I guess it was that love that brought out their similarities. Both men cried in the limo on the way to see DeAnna. Both said WOW! when they saw her and both got down on one knee. But only one was forced to stand back up, when DeAnna said, "I can't".

Just looking at Jason's face as he realized what was happening was so heart breaking. I couldn't help but to stare at the orange tie that he said Ty had helped him pick out for his Georgia peach. Such a good guy with a good heart. He walked out with his head down like a little boy. At least he's going home to be with his son. It looked like she practically pushed him into the limo. He looked into the camera with disbelief. Completely shocked. "Why me? I'm a good enough guy. I'm so ready to be in love again. The only for sure thing I have is my little boy". That hurt me! I really wish she would have let him go a long time ago, if he wasn't going to be the one standing at the end. That's time he'll never get back with his son.

But nothing melted my heart more than Jesse. Watching Jesse sit there and talk about his feelings for DeAnna with the tears streaming down his face was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to watch. You knew he was scared to death! I just couldn't watch that and not want him to get the girl. As he walked up to greet DeAnna on her pedestal...let's face it she's been on one all season...DeAnna's face was truly glowing.

He hugged her and took her hands as he told her that when he looked at her the word that always popped into his mind was FOREVER! "I truly believe that you are my solemate" he said getting down onto one knee, "DeAnna Marie Pappas...will you spend forever with me?" She of course said "YES!" and finally tells him that she loves him.

"I never in a million years thought that it would end this way", DeAnna said. Her connection with Jesse was so strong, she felt like she could not live without him. "I cannot believe I'm going to marry the guy with the pink shoelaces!" A life filled with excitement, love...and apparently some whip creamy cheesecake!

The Bachelorette - After The Final Rose Bonus Summary

WELCOME the bruised, the battered, and rejected Jason! Clap clap clap...before we get into how much that must have sucked...lets take a look at all of those painful moments and relive them again! POOR guy.

The first thing out of Jason's mouth was...it hurts. Were you in love with her? Without a doubt he said. She was everything I ever looked for. I was a little shocked that she let me get down on one knee. I wish she wouldn't have let me get down there. Everyone in the audience had tears in their eyes and shook their heads as he talked about the way DeAnna was with TY. I'm not too worried about ole Jason though...I don't think he'll have any problem getting dates. As he put it...THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM RIGHT?

We also got a chance to catch up with Matt and Shayne. Could someone please hold her down, while I take advantage of him. If he doesn't fit in her bed, I'm pretty darn sure he'll fit in mine!

Then, DeAnna's new fiancé Jesse leaps over the couch to greet his soon to be bride. Honey look at you! Kiss kiss. Did you all get to see the ring? It's so good to be here. She makes me tingle on the inside. You look so good baby. Kiss Kiss...Get a room!

Oh and they set a wedding date...May 9th 2009 in the Bahamas! I can only thank Brad everyday. I was glad to finally hear her admit that she understood how tough it must have been for Brad and almost apologize for being so hard on him. Almost!

To reward her, Chris Harrison announced that ABC is sending them to Greece for their honeymoon! Bitch! Sorry...did I say that out loud? I mean...Yeah! Good for them...I hope they get a million dollar wedding too! Am I the only one that thought the big surprise was going to be that she was pregnant? I mean she does want to pop out all those kids before she's thirty. Better get crackin!

What did we learn from DeAnna...Don't judge a man by the way that he looks on the outside. Sometimes the fun loving, snow boarder guy with the pink show laces and long hair can turn out to be just exactly what you are looking for! I can almost hear the Southwest Airline ticket prices to Colorado going up. Good luck in life and love. May we all someday be as lucky as Jesse's girl.

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Always want what you can't have

Well...I guess I have to trash my Team Jeremy T-shirt. I can't read this girl at all. I think that she is soooo afraid of getting hurt again that she's just picking the guys that she knows she'll never have to worry about. She has definitely picked the two nicest guys in the bunch, but I think she is going to walk all over them. Maybe that's the kind of guy she wants. She's done with men who challenge her. She wants to be in control and she knows that these two guys will adore her and do anything to make her happy. I'm just afraid she's going to get bored. Don't get me wrong...I think you want someone who's nice and loving and wants to make you happy, but you have to have a little passion too. Did you see passion with any of these guys? I didn't.

I'm nervous about watching the finale next week. Both Jesse and Jason are going to propose and you know one of them is going to be completely shocked and devastated! I think they should put together a reunion season with all of the rejects from past seasons and see how many couple emerge. I could see the coyote guy hooking up with the panty dropper girl from the London season and I could see Jeremy with Robin. They were both stalkers. You know what I mean? Why not give them all a second chance at love.

The Men Tell All Special should have been renamed "What I Hate About Jeremy?" I really don't see why they hate him so much. I know that some of them said he was condescending and rubbed his time with DeAnna in their faces a bit, but I really didn't see him as a cruel or vindictive guy. He was always soft spoken and non-confrontational. I felt like the only time he really spoke up was when he was being attacked. What's wrong with saying that you are there for only one reason? They all should have been there for that reason. If they just came on the show to hang out with a bunch of dudes...I think they were on the wrong show. Ron and his rules were ridiculous. There are no rules. You either go for it or you don't. Jeremy went for it. I feel bad for the guy. It was pretty obvious that he got hurt...much more than anyone else...including Graham.

Speaking of Graham...is it just me or did he get even hotter! I never really understood why DeAnna was so infatuated with him, but boy did he look good on the Tell All Special. I don't know if it was the hair or the fact that he shaved or what, but if he'd looked like that all season, I'd have purchased a Team Graham T-shirt too!

I was pretty proud of the way Graham and Jeremy handled themselves in front of DeAnna. I think we finally got to see a little of the REAL DeAnna too. I remember her from THE BACHELOR and she was a lot more sassy on that show than she's been on THE BACHELORETTE. I don't think she's as sweet and nice as they've made her out to be this season. You could tell she was still a little upset about Graham not opening up. She has an issue with men she thinks she can't have. It's like she's saying "how dare you not fall in love with me and spill your guts like the rest of them". Some guys just aren't like that. It takes longer than a month for some people. You have to love Chris Harrison for calling her out a bit. I mean these aren't women...they're MEN. She can't expect them to run around pulling each other's hair and crying themselves to sleep. They have to have some pride.

Next week DeAnna takes Jesse and Jason home to meet her parents and in a strange twist...she brings them into her home at the same time! I guess she really wants her family to see them side by side. As if to say...do I look better with this one or this one? What is she doing...trying on a pair of shoes? Like I said...I can't figure this girl out. I guess that's why she needed them both to propose, that way she could chose which proposal she liked the best. For Jason's sake...I hope she chooses him. If she kept that guy away from him kid this long and then dumps him for Jesse, I may have to smack her.

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Love by any name starts with J

Wow...she cut Graham. At first I was shocked, I mean he was the "only guy she was falling in love with", but after I rewound the tape and watched the uncomfortable silences and riveting conversation (ie...what are you thinking?....Umm nothing...I mean everything...Umm good luck I guess), I sort of understood. She's scared he's not going to love her back. If I were the one desperately hanging on to him with my arms around his neck, waiting for him to show me some real emotion, I might doubt him too. But sometimes, if you think you are falling in love with a guy like Graham, you just have to accept the guy for who he is. Graham is not the kind of guy that's going to open up after dating someone a couple of weeks. Granted...when you have three other guys to choose from, who are opening up, it's easier to walk away. But she knew he was having major problems with the other guys being in the picture and he's never had a real relationship. I support her decision, in that she was probably right about him not being ready for marriage, but I've always believed that you have to have "that feeling" at least in the beginning, if you expect a relationship to work. And the only guy she has "that feeling" with is Graham.

The one guy that I will never believe that she will find it with is Jesse. I will say however that I was extremely impressed by the piggy back snowboarding stunt. That was kind of rad...is that still a word? Anyway...Jesse definitely showed some skills on the slopes and who doesn't love a guy who uses a mini fridge as a night stand? Beer anyone? Perfect! But to be brutally honest...there is no way this is going to happen. DeAnna wants a guy to come to her rescue. Jesse is more like the loyal dog who licks your face until the real men come and carry you to safety. Don't get me wrong...I really like Jesse...and he did good on the kiss when he finally got around to it, but the poor kid is just setting himself up for the biggest wipeout of his life. I hope someone comes along to take care of him. I think he'll make someone very happy someday...just not DeAnna.

Now then there's Jeremy. On your mark...get set...and hold on because you're riding in the bitch seat. Jeremy could possibly sweep DeAnna off her feet or at least whisk her away on his two wheeled chariot. He is the perfect man, with the perfect house, and the perfect dog. Jeremy puts it all out there. He shares with her his feelings, his emotions...even his diary. When he read the letter he wrote about his mother...I was gutted. If that didn't tear you up, you're dead inside! Especially, when he told her that he made his mom a promise that he would find someone that would make her proud. I was pretty much sold at that point. Up until this week, I really wasn't feeling ole Jeremy. I thought he was just your typical boring guy with no personality and a great set of abs. But when he said, "I don't just want her in my life, I need her in my life"...even I had to go and get a team Jeremy t-shirt. Now if she doesn't pick that boy...she's crazy!

And last but not least...we have Jason. That boy looked like a little Mexican jumping bean hopping up and down waiting for DeAnna to meet him under the Space Needle...which apparently DeAnna has never heard of. He had all the excitement of a teenage boy getting ready to hop on a roller coaster. But nothing could have prepared me for the day in the park with Ty. That kid...how do you not love that kid? "Who's the pretty girl?", Jason says as Ty points to DeAnna. That kid is ten times better than a puppy. DeAnna said, "No one grows up thinking, I want to be a step mother". But I think as you get older you realize that no one is perfect and everyone has a past. So, if you can find someone who truly makes you happy and you can find it in your heart to love their child and share your life and your love with both of them...why not give them a shot? Jason's family was wonderful...very loving and thoughtful. They even went out of their way to make DeAnna feel at home by preparing an entirely Greek meal in her honor. I have to say that I have a little trouble with the idea of Jason leaving the most important thing in his life to go on a reality TV show, but overall I think Jason's a pretty good guy. He's going to be a hard one to say goodbye to.

DeAnna always seems to have the perfect answer to every question. She is either extremely well poised or extremely well coached. For her sake and the boys', I hope she is for real. I don't want to find out six months from now that she's dumped Jeremy, Jason, or Jesse (hey they all start with J) to go running after Graham. Maybe they'll just become pen pals, since he likes to write so much. Tune in next week as we see what happens in the fantasy suite...maybe Jesse will grow a pair.

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Jesse's Girl

What is DeAnna thinking?! She's seriously going to go home and meet sweet little Jesse's parents when she hasn't even kissed him. In fact, she said that she was the least physically attracted to the guy and he told her face to face...it's cool if you dump me...I wish you the best. I realize that's not an exact quote, but it's basically what he was trying to say to her by the pool before Graham stole her away. Jesse didn't even try to kiss her. He's too shy and afraid of rejection. He's never going to be able to handle being with DeAnna. She's going to have to tackle the guy if she expects to get any action.

It was horribly painful to sit through an hour of "The Bachelorette Tell All", which was basically a worthless recap infused with commentary by Trista and Ryan...seriously...who did they sleep with at ABC? Why is their opinion still relevant? I get it that they are a success story, but they are the ONLY real success story in 8 years of doing the show. At some point they need to LET IT GO! The only part of the special that I enjoyed was the indepth look at Sean. Oh precious...we all know that you are overcompensating for something. I was a little confused however...were the tanning bed and sauna inside his Hummer or in the basement of that gigantic house? I'm kidding of course, but you know that guy is known as the biggest TOOL BAG in town. Thank goodness for ole Ron the barber who "updated" Sean's look by cutting off the mullet in the man shed. I actually thought it was the producer's idea. I'm glad that the boys decided to step up and help a brother out. Mullets are bad!

You know what else is bad...Twilley! Poor, poor Twilley. I can't believe he made it this far. You know the guy is struggling when the guys are making bets on how badly he's going to screw up. He's actually not a bad looking guy, when he's not making faces and trying soooo hard to be funny. He seems like he'd be an okay dude to hang out with, but he ruins it for himself every time he opens his mouth and tries to do an impression or tell a story or sing! He just needs to relax. I think he's right...he will make someone a good husband someday...if he shuts up long enough for them to fall for him. I'm glad DeAnna finally let him go. Maybe he'll see himself on TV and realize that sometimes less is more.

DeAnna decided to keep Jeremy after their romantic one on one date at Frank Sinatra's House. It must be the abs! That guy seems completely void of personality. I think he's nice and I know that DeAnna feels bonded to him because he lost his parents and all, but I can barely hear him when he speaks. He says he's an adrenaline junky and that he likes to sky dive and race motorcycles, but I swear I can't see him ever getting out of 1st gear. Especially with DeAnna around...she didn't even let the guy drive! Seems to me that part of DeAnna's problem with men is that she always has to be in control. Sometimes...you have to let the guy drive...even if you think you can do it better.

Graham is a totally different story. He is definitely driving. I think that is what DeAnna likes about him. She can't control him. He's the one guy that she gets to be a girl around. I think it irritates her, but she's drawn to it at the same time. It brings out a different side of her. One that make her more vulnerable. They definitely have the chemistry...we'll see if that's enough.

The final guy that made the final four is Jason. Jason is the easy bake oven of the bunch. He's a ready made family...just insert DeAnna and DONE. I like Jason. I think he's a good guy, but I don't know if DeAnna really knows what she's getting herself into and she really has to be ready to take a back seat to that child. I don't think she can do that. DeAnna has made it very clear that she wants to be number one and she definitely seems to want to be the center of attention at all times. You just can't have that when there is a child involved. Ty will come first...as he should. I hope she realizes that before they get too far down this road. I really hate to see Jason get hurt again.

I guess we'll see what happens next week when she goes on her home town dates with the boys. There will be snowboarding, motorcycle riding, and some one on one basketball. It's like the Bachelorette X-Games! We'll see who survives.

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House of My Pain

Well, if your favorite part of American Idol is watching the embarrassing tryouts...this week's Bachelorette will give you a taste of what you've been missing. In an attempt to discover who could really sing her praises, DeAnna asked the Bachelors to write her a song. Let me tell you...that was time out of my life that I will never get back! I've never heard a more sorry bunch of singer/songwriters in my life. The only one who seemed to have put any real thought into it was HOT Brian with his song titled "House of My Pain", but she didn't even pick him for the one on one date. She gave it to Jesse, because he got down on one knee and held her hand while he sang his song. I guess she wants a proposal so bad she'll settle for just about anything.

Jesse told the guys that he was going to wear blue jeans and crazy shoes on their date, but DeAnna had a different idea. She sent him a fancy suit and an invitation that stated that their date required formal attire. Jesse made it pretty clear that FORMAL was a little out of the box for him. DeAnna made it clear that she was not trying to change Jesse...just trying to mold him into a completely different person that would fit into her world. Lets face it...Jesse is cute and very sweet, but he is who he is and that's what make's him so great. You either accept him the way he is or tell him you just want to be friends. Jesse is only going to be happy with the kind of girl who is going to enjoy a man in a funny little jacket and checkered shoes. As much as I like Jesse...I think it would have been better for him if she had let him go.

DeAnne takes her group date stock car racing. You could almost smell the combination of testosterone, sweat, and cheap cologne as the men walked out onto the track. Of course there was going to be a race for one on one time with DeAnna. HOT Brian (that's just my pet name for him) was the first to hit the track, putting up a pretty impressive time. One after another, they each got their shot. Most came up short, but Twilley beat Brian's speed of 140 and DeAnna let out a YEAH that was about as enthusiastic as winning third place in a hot dog eating contest. Thank God Sean pulled out the win with his final run topping out at 141MPH. He was a happy man! As he put it, he felt like he was in a race for her heart and he was not in the lead. Unfortunately, Sean took his one on one time, otherwise known as a grass picnic, to spill his guts and then call her a redneck...nothing says I love you like "you're a hick".

DeAnna decides to show the boys how it's really done as she spins the tires and burns rubber around the track...finishing with a faster time than any of the men. If that wasn't enough to drive the men's competitive nature...Jeremy stealing her away for some one on one time in the bus certainly was. He didn't like losing the race, so he stole the prize...giving the guys even more reason to hate him. Graham busted in and broke things up, which didn't bother DeAnna one bit. As she likes to say OVER and OVER again...she is VERY attracted to Graham. But Graham is the one guy that has the hardest time with sloppy seconds and DeAnna is a little tired of trying to explain herself to him. She doesn't need him to show her what it feels like to share, as she put it...she's already been there. What she wants is a guy that puts it all out there...like Sean. DeAnna gave Sean the rose on the group date. Apparently she does want a Southern boy. Besides...he did cut off the mullet for her and he's sure to keep her safe with his mad karate skills!

After the group date, the boyz decide to throw a BBQ and invite DeAnna down to the man shed for a little party. However...the party goes terribly wrong when DeAnna realizes that half of the guys are hiding from her and the other half are perfectly content to play with each other. I'm not sure if she was more hurt that they were all gossiping about who they thought her final three were going to be or if she was just mad that she wasn't the center of attention. What did she expect? Did she want them all to carry her around the man shed on a pedestal? It's a competition. Men are going to be men. They are going to bully one another, they are going to throw things around, and they may even pee on a few things to mark their territory. Unfortunately, it would be inappropriate to pee on DeAnna, so they all just try to rub their scent on her by rolling up her sleeves and giving her hugs...and some guys just can't handle that, so they run and hide. DeAnna tells them all that they need to go home, if they can't deal with it. Then she runs back to the big house in tears...all very dramatic!

Before the two on one date, Robert and Fred tried to decide what would be the determining factor in who would be going home. Robert was convinced that it would come down to who got the first kiss. He must have spent hours coming up with the perfect line to use on DeAnna, before settling on, "I'm a big believer in the passion side of a relationship...can be felt, I think...on the first kiss...and so...can I kiss you?" Robert then leans in as DeAnna says, "Oooh, right here (pointing to her cheek)". As she put it, she gave Robert the dodge. Whether it was his sweaty forehead, his poor English, or the shirt that was unbuttoned half way to his naval...she was not feeling ole Bobby.

Fred takes his moment by the pool to share with DeAnna his true feeling and be the compassionate guy that the boyz know and love, but if there isn't a connection, it doesn't really matter how great of a guy you are. Honestly, I thought she was going to cut them both. I didn't see chemistry with either of them...no matter how many times Robert tried to say that it was there. And I was right...she cut them both! For the first time in Bachelor/Bachelorette history, she sent them both home! I think the boyz were the most shocked and confused by DeAnna's decision. Jason was the only one who seemed excited, since he was the only boy left in the mansion, he got some priceless alone time and a chance to console DeAnna after the date.

There was a lot of tension at the rose ceremony. Only one man was going home and the last time they saw her, she was leaving in tears. They were all really jealous of Jason and they all seemed scared to death. Each guy vying for a rose, took her aside one after another and begged her to keep them around. It was so sad...especially for me, because I knew in my gut she was sending home Hot Brian. You know that has to suck...knowing that you were the only guy in the entire room that she truly felt she could do without. If you need a shoulder to cry on honey...I'm here for you!

Tune in next week as DeAnna continues to break the rules, break their hearts and Twilley continues to be...well...Twilley.

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Another Ron Bites the Dust

Maybe it's just me, but I really wish they would stop showing clips of Brad and talking about Brad. I'm over it...DeAnna's over it. Let's just move on...PLEASE!

This week's episode begins with the announcement of who's going from the "outhouse" to the big house. Paul, Graham, and Jeremy (we'll call him repeat) make it into the mansion with DeAnna. Of course they have to begin by taking off their shirts and frolicking in the pool, because what episode is complete without that? It's actually more interesting to listen to the boys in the outhouse speculate about what's going on.

The chosen 3 are forced to go down to the man house and announce who will be taking DeAnna on the "put up or shut up" one on one date. Richard looked a little stunned when his name was called. Twilley mentioned something about getting him ready for the ball. Well someone should have told him not to wear faded jeans on their romantic date on the town. When your date shows up in a black sequined gown...you should at the very least throw on some khakis. Not even his sad little puppy dog eyes could save Richard from elimination. I think if you could hear what was going on inside DeAnna's mind during that date, you would have heard..."please don't kiss me, please don't kiss me, please don't try to kiss me". The most fascinating part of the date was Richard trying to explain to DeAnna that shooting stars aren't really "stars", just space junk burning up in the atmosphere...kind of like Richard's chances of winning DeAnna's heart. Unfortunately for Richard, DeAnna kicked him out of the horse drawn carriage and sent him home in a cab.

The group date gave the men a chance to get in touch with their inner cowboy. DeAnna was "look'n forward to get'n wild" with some line dancing, some bull riding, and getting cozy by the fire. Jesse showed off his mechanical bull skills and showed DeAnna that he is the kind of guy she can depend on by being the first guy to come to her rescue when she fell off the bull. No surprise...Ron was too busy taking care of his beer to take care of her. Jesse's prize has a little one on one time, where he had the chance to share with DeAnna his theory on "everybody farts". I don't know about you...but I don't know that I would want a guy whose FIRST priority is finding a woman who's into gas.

Later that evening, while they are hanging out by the fire, DeAnna takes Ron aside to discuss with him his reasons for confronting Jeremy about him staying in the house. As she explained, that was her decision, not his, so Ron shouldn't be giving Jeremy such a hard time. Ron of course comes back with one of his classic pieces of advise..."I'm a guy's guy...iron sharpens iron..I think that you need someone as strong as you are to make you stronger...and it is about you...and what's going on between me and Jeremy is between he and I and shouldn't matter in your process". BUT it does matter Ron! Why do you think she is confronting you? She thinks you are a jerk and you proved that in the way that you responded. You should have just said...I'm a jealous prick and I took it out on Jeremy, because he was getting a chance to go back to the big house and I was stuck in the outhouse having a sausage fest with the rest of the guys.

Jason gets one chance to show DeAnna that he's the kind of man she should keep around. DeAnna surprises Jason by sweeping him off his feet and taking him on a helicopter ride around LA and spending the evening with him at the Mount Wilson Observatory. I guess she needed to see those shooting stars for herself. Jason was just praying she wouldn't run out the door when he revealed that he was a single dad. Honestly...if Jesse's fart talk and Twilley's singing didn't turn her off...I don't think the adorable child is going to be a problem. As she explained, "things happen and we're all the way we are because of the things that have happened...it doesn't bother me at all". I actually think that the other guys were bothered by it more than DeAnna. DeAnna was able to open up to Jason and share with him the story of her mother's passing. It was a very touching moment and a very intimate date that guaranteed Jason's place in the house. It went so well, that she later had a star named after his son Ty to show him how much it meant to her that he was willing to open up.

On the last date, DeAnna takes all of the men to meet ELLEN, where she puts the men through a rigorous screening process that included an interview portion, a talent portion, otherwise known as the dance off, and of course the Ellen boxer contest. There's nothing like a group of guys dropping trow to really give DeAnna a full frontal view of what she has to look forward to. There must have been something about Fred that really stood out among the rest. He was the final guy to receive a rose before the rose ceremony.

On the night of the rose ceremony, Ron proves once again what a loser he is. First, when DeAnna said she was cold, he didn't offer her his coat. Second, he started his conversation by telling her that when he woke up that morning, he didn't think she was HIS type of girl, but then explained how she changed his mind and then finished it off with a complete inability to explain what was fun about him. Apparently, NOTHING is fun about Ron. Sitting and staring isn't fun, being insulted isn't fun, and being rude isn't fun...go home and hang out with your boys at the barber shop. You don't deserve a woman. You deserve to get cut.

Speaking of cuts...thank goodness someone finally chopped off Shawn's mullet. I think that may have been what saved him from elimination. I was a little surprised, however, that she cut Paul. He seemed pretty genuine, but he is actually several years younger than her and I'm not sure that she thought he was mature enough to get married...either that or he just didn't look as good as Jeremy and Graham with his shirt off.

Ron on the other hand, got exactly what was coming to him. Not only is he ten years older than her, which in my opinion is too much of an age gap for a 26 year old, but his exit was as classic as he is. In his typical condescending fashion he called her sweetie...which we all know means "bitch"...I wish you the best. He also showed that he lives in a world of denial when he stated, "She didn't' reject me...she just chose other guys." Actually, I think if you look up REJECT in the dictionary it says NOT CHOSEN and there is a picture on Ron's face.

Next week, there will be more drama in the outhouse. Tune in and see who will win the race for DeAnna's heart.

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Do you believe in Magic?

Well one thing DeAnna does not believe in is good looking virgins. Poor Ryan. He may have been voted the friendliest person in his 8th grade class, but last night he was voted least likely to succeed. As he put it, you can't fit a square peg in a round hole...honestly it doesn't sound like Ryan knows much about how to use a peg at all! I think DeAnna is better off without him. He seems like the kind of guy who still has his childhood football trophies displayed in his bedroom up on a shelf along with his virginity. I'm afraid it may be difficult for anyone to live up to his expectations.

The twist to this season's Bachelorette is that each week three guys get to live in the mansion with DeAnna. The others are forced to live in the guest house on bunk beds and deal with outdoor plumbing. Jeremy, Jesse, and Richard received the first impression roses last week, so they get to move into the big house and get to know DeAnna on a personal level. The other guys have to make the walk of shame down to the guest house.

The first group date takes place in a creepy magic castle where the guys are forced to do retarded magic tricks to capture DeAnna's attention. If I were her, I would have gotten into that box alone and disappeared by myself...maybe gone for a deep tissue massage or something. Anything would have been less painful than that entire experience.

I can't figure out why she keeps Sean (AKA The Mullet) around. Their one on one time on the red velvet love seat was so awkward. All he seemed to want to talk about was his marshal arts and karate. Really...is that all you got?! I was half expecting him to whip out his Cobra Kai black belt and swipe someone's leg to get a rose. Even the phantom piano was annoyed.

She actually gave the group date rose to Paul, formerly known as the embroidered underpants guy. Paul, now known as NO PANTS GUY, was the first guy to strip down naked and give the outdoor shower a try. I'm not sure what it is that DeAnna sees in him, but I guess if she's really looking for a guy who's willing to put it all out there, he certainly does that.

Graham got the only one on one date with DeAnna. This had to be the most boring date ever! They spent the first half of the date trying to learn how to fly a kite and the second half trying to have a meaningful conversation. Seriously...if the conversation is that forced, I don't think it matters how hot the guy is, you need to let him go. But, I don't think DeAnna really cared...she just wanted to kiss him. She said from the beginning that he was totally her type and lets face it...we always give the hot guys a second chance.

The one guy you have to feel sorry for is Twilley. Not just because he has a hideous name and made a complete fool out of himself at the magic mansion, but for trying to fix his mistakes by stalking the poor girl. I thought he was a goner for sure after that, but DeAnna proved once again how bad her judgment is by keeping him around. Who knows...maybe she has a thing for peeping toms.

The last group date took place at Dodgers stadium, where she got a little love advise from none other than Tommy Lasorda. As he put it, there's not a really good looking guy in the bunch and apparently none of them can sing either. Once he determined that looks and talent were out, he decided that the only way to truly determine who had the strength to go all the way with DeAnna was to have a home run hitting contest. Believe it or not, Jeremy, the skinniest guy on the field, hit 6 home runs to win some alone time with DeAnna.

I have to say that I don't normally get really emotional watching this show, but I couldn't help getting a little watery eyed as Jeremy talked about losing his parents. I have a feeling his dad might have been there with him that day helping him to swing that bat. I think he may be the front runner after this week's Bachelorette.

The other two guys that got kicked off this week were Eric, who apparently has nothing to offer other than his Greekness, and Chris who sang the worst version of the national anthem ever. Ryan, Eric and Chris all took their exits pretty hard, but not nearly as hard as DeAnna, who had to leave the room in tears after telling them goodbye. I guess she's finding out that this whole Bachelorette thing isn't as easy as it looks.

Tune in next week as ELLEN gives DeAnna some advise on men...this should be interesting?!

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The Bachelorette...Hot or Not?

The last thing I think DeAnna expected to get on the first night of The Bachelorette was a pearl necklace. But that necklace was certainly one of the better ways to get her attention. What would be a bad way to get her attention you ask? Let's start with embroidering her name on your underpants, using a duck call, giving her a fake diamond, karate kicking lemons, or pulling up your shirt to show her your abs and then grabbing her hand to give her a feel. All I know is that nothing turns me on more than a guy covered in tattoos and adult acne ripping off his shirt and doing a coyote call...what a freakin poser! He should never open his mouth. Some women might actually find him attractive as long as he doesn't speak and reveal the massive tool that he is. These men have finally proven once and for all, that they are even bigger women than we are.

DeAnna said that she loves surprises....well SURPRISE! You have been given 25 of the most average to unfortunate looking men in America. Don't get me wrong, there are a couple lookers in the bunch, but when is the last time you watched an episode of The Bachelor, where there was even ONE girl who wasn't practically perfect? Those women looked like they walked straight out of a salon when they arrive in their limos. What does DeAnna get? A MULLET! You have to be kidding me! But at least he had a full head of hair. Half of the men were either loosing their hair or if they had their hair they were sporting bad highlights, were going gray or they were under 5 foot 10 and had the physique of a high school science teacher. NOT that there is anything wrong with short men, bald men or science teachers...I know some GREAT guys that fit those descriptions...I'm just saying...they don't put short women with bad hair and bad figures on The Bachelor...If Brad got perfection...why should DeAnna settle for anything less?

Thankfully, DeAnna is a down to earth kind of girl, who can see past the muscles and hair gel and knows that what really counts is what is on the inside...And if she can't figure it out...she has Jenni to help her. I don't know that I would want another woman deciding who I should date, even if they were my "very good friend". I hope she gave her some good advice. DeAnna seems like she is really looking for a guy with a good heart and a good personality. Looks aren't everything...right? Let's face it...she had Brad and look where that got her. Maybe a regular guy is what DeAnna needs to sweep her off her feet. Come to think of it...maybe a regular girl is what Brad needed too.

This season is definitely going to be interesting. If I were DeAnna, I might be sneaking a peak at that guest house. I can't believe they're going to be sleeping in bunk beds and showering in the great outdoors. There's going to be more buns on this show than you can shake a stick at...seriously! Tune in next week to see who will be shacking up in the big house and who will be leaving in tears...pansies!

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There Can Only Be One Little Monkey

You guessed it...our very own little movie star, Shayne Lamas, wins the heart of her leading man, Matt Grant, and gets the happy ending she always dreamed of.

But before we get to the "most dramatic proposal ever"...let's revisit what went wrong for Miss Chelsea. Was it the arm wrestling on the first night? Was it her bad taste in dresses? Was it her annoying voice and inability to show affection? I'm thinking all of the above. Apparently the love that happened in Vegas...stayed in Vegas!

Chelsea's final night on The Bachelor began with a visit to London. Matt starts their date by taking her up in the London Eye, otherwise known as a giant Ferris wheel. I like to think of it as his way off saying "look at everything you will never have!" I don't mean to be harsh. I'm sure Chelsea is a great person, in her own "I like to strip in front of the camera man" kind of way.

Once they are finished looking out over the city, Matt takes Chelsea to meet his parents. Upon arriving, Chelsea is able to wow Matt's family with her knowledge of "wellies", short for Wellington rain boots, but they weren't so wowed by her insincerity and questioned whether she was truly genuine. I honestly think Matt's father telling him that he thought that Matt was better suited with Shayne is what sealed the deal, but off to Barbados they went anyway.

As they arrive in Barbados...Matt blindfolds Chelsea and surprises her with a helicopter ride along the coast. He might as well have kicked her out right then and there. It would have probably been a lot less painful, but sadly no. Instead they spend a romantic day sitting on a private beach, where I swear Matt came dangerously close to showing a little plumber's crack. I think they may have covered it up with a little fancy editing. Good call!

They finished their visit to Barbados back at their favorite hotel, HILTON, where Chelsea gives him a soft sided cooler full of sex toys. Well not really, but what else do you call a box of cereal for "breakfast in bed", surf wax for his "board", and a map showing him where to go? It might have been more convincing had she been more focused on their final goodbye kiss than trying to hold the hotel door open, so she didn't get locked out. HELLO...I'm sure the cameraman inside would have let you back in. Idiot!

Honestly, Chelsea's biggest mistake was wearing white to the rose ceremony. Especially one split up the middle, high enough to show her "Britney". Thank goodness the camera was behind the door when she got out of the limo. I imagine host, Chris Harrison, got a bit of a peep show. It wasn't however enough to win Matt's heart.

Matt's heart belonged to Shayne. From the moment Shayne arrived in London, with her bleached blonde hair and her spray on tan, she charmed the knickers off the Grant family. No matter what you think about Shayne, you cannot deny that she is who she is, no matter what the situation. From spilling her drink on herself to spilling her guts about her family and their flaws, she won over the Grant family with her honesty. Her most heartfelt line was, "What freaks me out is knowing that in two days I could lose him". She may not be 12, as she joked with Matt's father, but that little girl certainly knows how to get you wrapped around her finger.

When Shayne finally meets up with Matt in Barbados after his final date with Chelsea, she screams and leaps on him like a little spider monkey. Hence his nickname for her. As he put it, "she's like a monkey holding on". It's her final chance to show him how much she loves him and she's not letting go.

It seemed a bit difficult to show him how she was feeling, since they spent most of their date apart while parasailing. They should have at least gotten them one that would allow them to go tandem, but Shayne managed to get her point across anyway. Shayne's gift to Matt on their last night together was a little more personal than Chelsea's cooler full-o-fun. It was a photograph her writing "I love you" in the sand. Matt said that his heart melted at that point. Shayne puts her heart on her sleeve and that was what Matt was looking for. It was what he was missing with Chelsea.

The final day begins with Matt sulking in his hotel room. What girl should he pick? What FREE Tacori ring should he choose? Who can he see as his life long partner? When he really thought about it... the choice was clear.

Chelsea steps out of the limo in her tacky white dress and bad updo. "Wow you wear some amazing dresses" Matt says, "I found myself falling for you for a long time and we've shared some amazing times together, but I've come here to find my life long partner and when I think about that long and hard"....it's not you! SO off you go!

Poor Chelsea tries to get the last word in by throwing Shayne under the bus as she says, "To me, she was the falsest person here and for me to be up against her was just like...you know." But Matt defends his lady by saying,
"You know what, she isn't. The individual that I know is clearly different than the individual you know. I'm in this for the long haul, to find someone that I can be with for the rest of my life and if you ever think for one second that I am the sort of person that would end up with the falsest person here, then you don't know me". I almost wanted to clap. I've never heard a Bachelor defend his decision with as much conviction as Matt did. I'm rather proud of the ole Brit.

Matt said, "I found someone extremely special, I found a sole mate, an amazing lover (Woops! Larenzo cover your ears), a great friend, and someone that I feel I can spend the rest of my life with...".

Shayne steps out of the limo in her canary yellow cocktail dress looking like Kit, Barbie's kid sister. She takes a deep breath as she walks up the stairs to meet Matt. He takes a hold of her hands as he tells her that when he looks into her brown eyes, he knows he has found someone for life. He knows that she will always be there for him and he will always be there for her. With that, he gets down on one knee, tells her that he loves her, and proposes to his "monkey".

Shayne shouts out his name over and over, as she is literally trembling at the knees, and tells him, "Yes! I will marry you". She throws her arms around his neck and kisses him, before taking a step back and saying, "I will marry you on one condition... that you never look at another woman for the rest of our lives, because you have looked at way too many women throughout our relationship". Of course...Matt agrees.

This season's Bachelor has taught us one simple truth, if you follow your heart, you know that you will make the right choices for all the right reasons. And if you're still not sure...pick the one with the richest daddy!

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Tell All

If you only watch one episode of The Bachelor a year, it should always be The Women Tell All Special. This show gives you a play by play recap of all the drama you might have missed and then some. From the panty dropping and can biting to the name calling and endless displays of emotion and tears, this show brings back all of the trashy moments that make The Bachelor great.

First let me say that I cannot believe that Stacey had enough balls to show her face again on national television. I didn't think it was possible to make this girl look any worse, but they pulled out even more footage to prove what a train wreck she really is. I give her props for offering Matt a second pair of panties as a peace offering, but I'm guessing she borrowed them from her mother, because they were HUGE! I'm not quite sure how this gesture was suppose to make her look like less of a skank, but I did however love that Matt decided to model them for us. It takes a special sense of humor to understand where that girl is coming from, although I'm not sure that it's a place that I will ever want to go.

I was very happy to hear that Erin S. is still a hot dog vendor. WHY did this never come up in conversation? It's not like this is a normal career move for a 33 year old woman and she was certainly on the show long enough for it to be discussed. Of course she tried to wipe Matt's chin with Stacey's panties. It only comes natural when you spend your days watching strangers drip mustard on themselves after diving into your latest masterpiece. Her parents must be proud!

My favorite part of the show is when they go around the room and introduce all of the ladies to the audience and the crowd cheers for their favorites. It's always interesting to see who actually gets booed. I especially enjoyed Kelly who clapped for herself. She is a constant source of entertainment for me. I'd like to keep her around with a bottle of vodka just to give me something to laugh at when I get bored.

Speaking of women we all love to hate, Robin had the luxury of being the first girl in the hot seat. She tried to explain that she has always been hurt more by women in her life than men and that this show was one of the loneliest experiences of her life. But I have to go with my girl Kelly on this one...If I were a dude...I wouldn't date her either. Hell...I'm a girl and I don't even want to hang out with her let alone date her. She's incredibly selfish and rude, not to mention her fake British accent that pops up every time she's craving a spot of tea. Maybe if she stopped being such a Posh wanna be...she'd make some friends.

Marshana finally gets her chance to try to prove to everyone what a poised young lady she really is, but the video montage of her endless rants and bad attitude, kind of ruined it for her. I actually agree with one of the comments made by Robin...that girl stresses me out! I don't care what Marshana thinks, you don't have to get to know that girl to make judgements about her character. It's not like she was hiding it. She put it all out there every week. If she didn't want people to think that she was a ridiculous drama queen, she shouldn't have acted like one.

Poor Amanda learned the hardest lesson of all...even though you are constantly told in real life to never use the "L word" in the first few months of dating, you must throw all of that brain washing out of the window when fighting for a man's heart on a reality show. Who cares if you don't really mean it? Who cares if you've only spent 2 days alone with the guy? Put yourself out there...spill your guts. Tell him you LOVE him! Don't tell him you like him...you use that word too much anyway. What's the worst thing that can happen? Oh yeah...you can be humiliated on national television and have your butt thrown into a limo never to see him again. Yeah...that's a great idea. Let's face it...if the worst flaw you have is that you say "like" too much and suffer from a chronic case of hiccups, you're still doing better than most of the women on that stage.

I have to say that I was digging the new shaved haircut Matt was sporting, but I think I found him even more attractive when he did his impression of Robin stalking him. You just can't beat a man who's hot and has a sense of humor. We'll see if he has good taste in women next week, when he takes the final two ladies home to meet his mum.

Don't miss the final episode. Matt's getting engaged! Will Shayne be getting the ultimate accessory that gives any outfit an added bling or will it be Chelsea? Since she won't be holding his hand, she might as well be wearing something on it. I'm betting on her "hard to get hoochie" routine to pay off for her in the end.

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