May 2008 Archives
1:39 AM Tue, May 27, 2008 | Permalink
Christie Humphries
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Well one thing DeAnna does not believe in is good looking virgins. Poor Ryan. He may have been voted the friendliest person in his 8th grade class, but last night he was voted least likely to succeed. As he put it, you can't fit a square peg in a round hole...honestly it doesn't sound like Ryan knows much about how to use a peg at all! I think DeAnna is better off without him. He seems like the kind of guy who still has his childhood football trophies displayed in his bedroom up on a shelf along with his virginity. I'm afraid it may be difficult for anyone to live up to his expectations.
The twist to this season's Bachelorette is that each week three guys get to live in the mansion with DeAnna. The others are forced to live in the guest house on bunk beds and deal with outdoor plumbing. Jeremy, Jesse, and Richard received the first impression roses last week, so they get to move into the big house and get to know DeAnna on a personal level. The other guys have to make the walk of shame down to the guest house.
The first group date takes place in a creepy magic castle where the guys are forced to do retarded magic tricks to capture DeAnna's attention. If I were her, I would have gotten into that box alone and disappeared by myself...maybe gone for a deep tissue massage or something. Anything would have been less painful than that entire experience.
I can't figure out why she keeps Sean (AKA The Mullet) around. Their one on one time on the red velvet love seat was so awkward. All he seemed to want to talk about was his martial arts and karate. Really...is that all you got?! I was half expecting him to whip out his Cobra Kai black belt and swipe someone's leg to get a rose. Even the phantom piano was annoyed.
She actually gave the group date rose to Paul, formerly known as the embroidered underpants guy. Paul, now known as NO PANTS GUY, was the first guy to strip down naked and give the outdoor shower a try. I'm not sure what it is that DeAnna sees in him, but I guess if she's really looking for a guy who's willing to put it all out there, he certainly does that.
Graham got the only one on one date with DeAnna. This had to be the most boring date ever! They spent the first half of the date trying to learn how to fly a kite and the second half trying to have a meaningful conversation. Seriously...if the conversation is that forced, I don't think it matters how hot the guy is, you need to let him go. But, I don't think DeAnna really cared...she just wanted to kiss him. She said from the beginning that he was totally her type and lets face it...we always give the hot guys a second chance.
The one guy you have to feel sorry for is Twilley. Not just because he has a hideous name and made a complete fool out of himself at the magic mansion, but for trying to fix his mistakes by stalking the poor girl. I thought he was a goner for sure after that, but DeAnna proved once again how bad her judgment is by keeping him around. Who knows...maybe she has a thing for peeping toms.
The last group date took place at Dodgers stadium, where she got a little love advise from none other than Tommy Lasorda. As he put it, there's not a really good looking guy in the bunch and apparently none of them can sing either. Once he determined that looks and talent were out, he decided that the only way to truly determine who had the strength to go all the way with DeAnna was to have a home run hitting contest. Believe it or not, Jeremy, the skinniest guy on the field, hit 6 home runs to win some alone time with DeAnna.
I have to say that I don't normally get really emotional watching this show, but I couldn't help getting a little watery eyed as Jeremy talked about losing his parents. I have a feeling his dad might have been there with him that day helping him to swing that bat. I think he may be the front runner after this week's Bachelorette.
The other two guys that got kicked off this week were Eric, who apparently has nothing to offer other than his Greekness, and Chris who sang the worst version of the national anthem ever. Ryan, Eric and Chris all took their exits pretty hard, but not nearly as hard as DeAnna, who had to leave the room in tears after telling them goodbye. I guess she's finding out that this whole Bachelorette thing isn't as easy as it looks.
Tune in next week as ELLEN gives DeAnna some advise on men...this should be interesting?!
11:23 PM Mon, May 19, 2008 | Permalink
Christie Humphries
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The last thing I think DeAnna expected to get on the first night of The Bachelorette was a pearl necklace. But that necklace was certainly one of the better ways to get her attention. What would be a bad way to get her attention you ask? Let's start with embroidering her name on your underpants, using a duck call, giving her a fake diamond, karate kicking lemons, or pulling up your shirt to show her your abs and then grabbing her hand to give her a feel. All I know is that nothing turns me on more than a guy covered in tattoos and adult acne ripping off his shirt and doing a coyote call...what a freakin poser! He should never open his mouth. Some women might actually find him attractive as long as he doesn't speak and reveal the massive tool that he is. These men have finally proven once and for all, that they are even bigger women than we are.
DeAnna said that she loves surprises....well SURPRISE! You have been given 25 of the most average to unfortunate looking men in America. Don't get me wrong, there are a couple lookers in the bunch, but when is the last time you watched an episode of The Bachelor, where there was even ONE girl who wasn't practically perfect? Those women looked like they walked straight out of a salon when they arrive in their limos. What does DeAnna get? A MULLET! You have to be kidding me! But at least he had a full head of hair. Half of the men were either loosing their hair or if they had their hair they were sporting bad highlights, were going gray or they were under 5 foot 10 and had the physique of a high school science teacher. NOT that there is anything wrong with short men, bald men or science teachers...I know some GREAT guys that fit those descriptions...I'm just saying...they don't put short women with bad hair and bad figures on The Bachelor...If Brad got perfection...why should DeAnna settle for anything less?
Thankfully, DeAnna is a down to earth kind of girl, who can see past the muscles and hair gel and knows that what really counts is what is on the inside...And if she can't figure it out...she has Jenni to help her. I don't know that I would want another woman deciding who I should date, even if they were my "very good friend". I hope she gave her some good advice. DeAnna seems like she is really looking for a guy with a good heart and a good personality. Looks aren't everything...right? Let's face it...she had Brad and look where that got her. Maybe a regular guy is what DeAnna needs to sweep her off her feet. Come to think of it...maybe a regular girl is what Brad needed too.
This season is definitely going to be interesting. If I were DeAnna, I might be sneaking a peak at that guest house. I can't believe they're going to be sleeping in bunk beds and showering in the great outdoors. There's going to be more buns on this show than you can shake a stick at...seriously! Tune in next week to see who will be shacking up in the big house and who will be leaving in tears...pansies!
1:05 AM Tue, May 13, 2008 | Permalink
Christie Humphries
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You guessed it...our very own little movie star, Shayne Lamas, wins the heart of her leading man, Matt Grant, and gets the happy ending she always dreamed of.
But before we get to the "most dramatic proposal ever"...let's revisit what went wrong for Miss Chelsea. Was it the arm wrestling on the first night? Was it her bad taste in dresses? Was it her annoying voice and inability to show affection? I'm thinking all of the above. Apparently the love that happened in Vegas...stayed in Vegas!
Chelsea's final night on The Bachelor began with a visit to London. Matt starts their date by taking her up in the London Eye, otherwise known as a giant Ferris wheel. I like to think of it as his way off saying "look at everything you will never have!" I don't mean to be harsh. I'm sure Chelsea is a great person, in her own "I like to strip in front of the camera man" kind of way.
Once they are finished looking out over the city, Matt takes Chelsea to meet his parents. Upon arriving, Chelsea is able to wow Matt's family with her knowledge of "wellies", short for Wellington rain boots, but they weren't so wowed by her insincerity and questioned whether she was truly genuine. I honestly think Matt's father telling him that he thought that Matt was better suited with Shayne is what sealed the deal, but off to Barbados they went anyway.
As they arrive in Barbados...Matt blindfolds Chelsea and surprises her with a helicopter ride along the coast. He might as well have kicked her out right then and there. It would have probably been a lot less painful, but sadly no. Instead they spend a romantic day sitting on a private beach, where I swear Matt came dangerously close to showing a little plumber's crack. I think they may have covered it up with a little fancy editing. Good call!
They finished their visit to Barbados back at their favorite hotel, HILTON, where Chelsea gives him a soft sided cooler full of sex toys. Well not really, but what else do you call a box of cereal for "breakfast in bed", surf wax for his "board", and a map showing him where to go? It might have been more convincing had she been more focused on their final goodbye kiss than trying to hold the hotel door open, so she didn't get locked out. HELLO...I'm sure the cameraman inside would have let you back in. Idiot!
Honestly, Chelsea's biggest mistake was wearing white to the rose ceremony. Especially one split up the middle, high enough to show her "Britney". Thank goodness the camera was behind the door when she got out of the limo. I imagine host, Chris Harrison, got a bit of a peep show. It wasn't however enough to win Matt's heart.
Matt's heart belonged to Shayne. From the moment Shayne arrived in London, with her bleached blonde hair and her spray on tan, she charmed the knickers off the Grant family. No matter what you think about Shayne, you cannot deny that she is who she is, no matter what the situation. From spilling her drink on herself to spilling her guts about her family and their flaws, she won over the Grant family with her honesty. Her most heartfelt line was, "What freaks me out is knowing that in two days I could lose him". She may not be 12, as she joked with Matt's father, but that little girl certainly knows how to get you wrapped around her finger.
When Shayne finally meets up with Matt in Barbados after his final date with Chelsea, she screams and leaps on him like a little spider monkey. Hence his nickname for her. As he put it, "she's like a monkey holding on". It's her final chance to show him how much she loves him and she's not letting go.
It seemed a bit difficult to show him how she was feeling, since they spent most of their date apart while parasailing. They should have at least gotten them one that would allow them to go tandem, but Shayne managed to get her point across anyway. Shayne's gift to Matt on their last night together was a little more personal than Chelsea's cooler full-o-fun. It was a photograph her writing "I love you" in the sand. Matt said that his heart melted at that point. Shayne puts her heart on her sleeve and that was what Matt was looking for. It was what he was missing with Chelsea.
The final day begins with Matt sulking in his hotel room. What girl should he pick? What FREE Tacori ring should he choose? Who can he see as his life long partner? When he really thought about it... the choice was clear.
Chelsea steps out of the limo in her tacky white dress and bad updo. "Wow you wear some amazing dresses" Matt says, "I found myself falling for you for a long time and we've shared some amazing times together, but I've come here to find my life long partner and when I think about that long and hard"....it's not you! SO off you go!
Poor Chelsea tries to get the last word in by throwing Shayne under the bus as she says, "To me, she was the falsest person here and for me to be up against her was just like...you know." But Matt defends his lady by saying,
"You know what, she isn't. The individual that I know is clearly different than the individual you know. I'm in this for the long haul, to find someone that I can be with for the rest of my life and if you ever think for one second that I am the sort of person that would end up with the falsest person here, then you don't know me". I almost wanted to clap. I've never heard a Bachelor defend his decision with as much conviction as Matt did. I'm rather proud of the ole Brit.
Matt said, "I found someone extremely special, I found a sole mate, an amazing lover (Woops! Larenzo cover your ears), a great friend, and someone that I feel I can spend the rest of my life with...".
Shayne steps out of the limo in her canary yellow cocktail dress looking like Kit, Barbie's kid sister. She takes a deep breath as she walks up the stairs to meet Matt. He takes a hold of her hands as he tells her that when he looks into her brown eyes, he knows he has found someone for life. He knows that she will always be there for him and he will always be there for her. With that, he gets down on one knee, tells her that he loves her, and proposes to his "monkey".
Shayne shouts out his name over and over, as she is literally trembling at the knees, and tells him, "Yes! I will marry you". She throws her arms around his neck and kisses him, before taking a step back and saying, "I will marry you on one condition... that you never look at another woman for the rest of our lives, because you have looked at way too many women throughout our relationship". Of course...Matt agrees.
This season's Bachelor has taught us one simple truth, if you follow your heart, you know that you will make the right choices for all the right reasons. And if you're still not sure...pick the one with the richest daddy!
12:42 AM Tue, May 06, 2008 | Permalink
Christie Humphries
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If you only watch one episode of The Bachelor a year, it should always be The Women Tell All Special. This show gives you a play by play recap of all the drama you might have missed and then some. From the panty dropping and can biting to the name calling and endless displays of emotion and tears, this show brings back all of the trashy moments that make The Bachelor great.
First let me say that I cannot believe that Stacey had enough balls to show her face again on national television. I didn't think it was possible to make this girl look any worse, but they pulled out even more footage to prove what a train wreck she really is. I give her props for offering Matt a second pair of panties as a peace offering, but I'm guessing she borrowed them from her mother, because they were HUGE! I'm not quite sure how this gesture was suppose to make her look like less of a skank, but I did however love that Matt decided to model them for us. It takes a special sense of humor to understand where that girl is coming from, although I'm not sure that it's a place that I will ever want to go.
I was very happy to hear that Erin S. is still a hot dog vendor. WHY did this never come up in conversation? It's not like this is a normal career move for a 33 year old woman and she was certainly on the show long enough for it to be discussed. Of course she tried to wipe Matt's chin with Stacey's panties. It only comes natural when you spend your days watching strangers drip mustard on themselves after diving into your latest masterpiece. Her parents must be proud!
My favorite part of the show is when they go around the room and introduce all of the ladies to the audience and the crowd cheers for their favorites. It's always interesting to see who actually gets booed. I especially enjoyed Kelly who clapped for herself. She is a constant source of entertainment for me. I'd like to keep her around with a bottle of vodka just to give me something to laugh at when I get bored.
Speaking of women we all love to hate, Robin had the luxury of being the first girl in the hot seat. She tried to explain that she has always been hurt more by women in her life than men and that this show was one of the loneliest experiences of her life. But I have to go with my girl Kelly on this one...If I were a dude...I wouldn't date her either. Hell...I'm a girl and I don't even want to hang out with her let alone date her. She's incredibly selfish and rude, not to mention her fake British accent that pops up every time she's craving a spot of tea. Maybe if she stopped being such a Posh wanna be...she'd make some friends.
Marshana finally gets her chance to try to prove to everyone what a poised young lady she really is, but the video montage of her endless rants and bad attitude, kind of ruined it for her. I actually agree with one of the comments made by Robin...that girl stresses me out! I don't care what Marshana thinks, you don't have to get to know that girl to make judgements about her character. It's not like she was hiding it. She put it all out there every week. If she didn't want people to think that she was a ridiculous drama queen, she shouldn't have acted like one.
Poor Amanda learned the hardest lesson of all...even though you are constantly told in real life to never use the "L word" in the first few months of dating, you must throw all of that brain washing out of the window when fighting for a man's heart on a reality show. Who cares if you don't really mean it? Who cares if you've only spent 2 days alone with the guy? Put yourself out there...spill your guts. Tell him you LOVE him! Don't tell him you like him...you use that word too much anyway. What's the worst thing that can happen? Oh yeah...you can be humiliated on national television and have your butt thrown into a limo never to see him again. Yeah...that's a great idea. Let's face it...if the worst flaw you have is that you say "like" too much and suffer from a chronic case of hiccups, you're still doing better than most of the women on that stage.
I have to say that I was digging the new shaved haircut Matt was sporting, but I think I found him even more attractive when he did his impression of Robin stalking him. You just can't beat a man who's hot and has a sense of humor. We'll see if he has good taste in women next week, when he takes the final two ladies home to meet his mum.
Don't miss the final episode. Matt's getting engaged! Will Shayne be getting the ultimate accessory that gives any outfit an added bling or will it be Chelsea? Since she won't be holding his hand, she might as well be wearing something on it. I'm betting on her "hard to get hoochie" routine to pay off for her in the end.
