Well hello Matt Grant! I have to say that I am quite pleased that ABC has finally picked a bachelor with some personality and a sense of humor. The dancing sequence at the end of the show alone was enough to make me think this could be the best bachelor yet.

This 27 year old banker from London has come to America to "steal our women" and let me tell you...after watching this week's show...some of these ladies need to be stolen. I didn't think the producers could top the girl from last season who got so drunk that she didn't even notice when her falsie fell out of her dress and onto the floor, but this season they topped that and brought us Stacey! What can I say about Stacey that can't be summed up by telling you that this girl took off her panties and put them in his pocket! Yes ladies...she gives a whole new meaning to term panty dropper.

The premiere of the new Bachelor was a virtual beauty pageant complete with evening wear, interview, and talent competition...I use the word "talent" loosely. The girls pulled out all the stops. There was singing, dancing, and clarinet playing, but no one could top Carri from Oklahoma, who bit a chunk of aluminum out of a can to show her man that her dress wasn't the only tacky thing she possessed...as she put it "hello...all that and a bag of chips...what...snap". However, Matt must have been impressed by these ladies, because he kept all of them! The songwriter, the clarinet player, the arm wrestler, and the can biter. The only talent he wasn't impressed with was rock, paper, scissors champion Michelle. That girl looked like someone took a pair of scissors and intentionally hacked up her hair. What was she thinking?

My worst impression rose would have gone to Amy, the nanny with her hair in her face, who not only posed as she stepped out of the car, but proceeded to make a dramatic turn as she walked up the side walk and stuck her hand in his face to greet him in her powder blue cut out dress. To make matters worse...he kept her! Oh well, maybe she'll be worth keeping around for more classically entertaining moments like that one.

I'm always amazed by the number of 30 year old women who look like they shopped for their dress at Forever 21. Several of the dresses were way too big, way too gold, way too short, way too tight or just plain ugly...like that pleated coral number Christine had on with the gold accents or the green spandex Alyssa was sporting and was it just me or was there a lot of bad hair? It must have been really humid or something.

Our "token nutbag", Stacey, wore a sparkly blue dress as she groped Matt's leg and delivered some of the best lines of the night including, "I don't know much but I want you to teach me" and "I want to find a pharmaceutical that will cure something that no one has thought of". Someone needs to find that girl a pill to cure classlessness and inappropriate behavior. As Marshana put it, "She is riding my nerves like a pony".

The girl who made the best impression on me was Amanda. I don't know if it was the navy dress or the chronic hiccups, but she seemed at the very least "normal" in this crew of crazies and apparently Matt agreed, because he gave Amanda the first impression rose. As he put it...he thought she shined like a diamond. She was the first girl out of the limo and may possibly be the first girl to make it into his heart.

3 Comments

eric said:

Well it doesn't matter what *i* believe to anyone else,
but if these type of shows are to survive then we mustn't be prudent to judge every girl based on their panty code alert blunders or other such lost calls of the absent minded.
who would of known hiccops are cute
i've seen 40 year olds do worst for better..

indubidedly

March 19, 2008 9:25 AM

Mary Ball said:

Thank goodness you are here to offer clever and funny insight into what has become a completely ridiculous show. But like a train wreck, I can't take my eyes off it!

I look forward to reading your blog each week.

March 19, 2008 9:30 PM

Matt MItchell said:

Ummm, Eric... I'm not sure what your point was up there. It kind of flitted between proper English and a rant...

I completely agree with Mary. This shows is a weekly train wreck, but it's compelling and ultimately comes down to whether or not you actually LIKE the bachelor. I didn't have a problem with Brad, even if he was a bit weasely, but leave it to the Brits to show up the Yanks with a good-looking, witty, and very REAL (at least, based on one episode) gentlemen. I can root for him, so I'm rooting he finds what he's looking for.

March 24, 2008 4:14 PM

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