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July 2008
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March 2008 ArchivesFifteen to goOkay...enough with the talent competition. I don't care if you are a classically trained pianist ROBIN or that you can sing opera CARRI...I actually liked you better when you were biting the side out of a beer can...and Michelle P. what were you thinking?! Who writes a song for someone before they've even met? Could you have at least taken some voice lessons or come up with some better lyrics? "I want to find you, touch you, feel you"... I know 8th grade boys with more originality than that. Did you and your cat come up with that song? That had to be one of the strangest exits I've ever seen. I think that it is important for someone to clarify to Marshana that this is NOT a beauty pageant...if it was...she would lose. It is also not a strip show...so please do not grind your backside on Matt's lap again. It was very uncomfortable to watch...as was your performance on the run way during the first group date. You really "stomped it out" alright. You looked ridiculous. Marshana seems like a very competitive and jealous person. If I were one of the other ladies, I'd watch my back. Erin H. proved that the only thing on Matt's mind was the annoying sound of her voice. I guess she'll be wearing that "place holder" ring on her left hand a little longer. The only girl that really stood out for me on the first group date was Holly. Her little moonwalk on the runway helped to lighten the mood. She seems cute and fun, which is a breath of fresh air compared to these other girls. I don't even want to mention how 22 year old Ashlee snagged the first kiss by telling him she'd been staring at his lips all night. I was so disappointed that he fell for that one. She's so transparent. Matt also taught us some interesting British terms this week like..."gutted", "massive", and "I fancy the pants off you". Why is it that British men can say just about anything and it sounds sexy? I kind of fancy the pants off him as well. Is it just me or is Kelly always drunk? I don't know how that girl won all the chips on the second group date in Vegas. She must have been doubling down on her bets the way she was doubling down her cocktails. I thought her one on one time was rather uncomfortable. I really didn't think he was going to keep her, but he must have a thing for women who are into heavy drinking and dirty dancing, since he kept both Kelly and Marshana.
The girl who disappointed me the most was Shayne. Not just for wearing that hideous flower in her hair during the rose ceremony, but for throwing such a huge hissy fit. Even if you've been to Vegas a thousand times like Shayne, you should know better than to cry in the bathroom, because you are a spoiled little rich girl who has always gotten everything you have ever wanted and you have never had to share...anything...let alone a man in your entire life. As she put it, "I'm used to getting my way. I'm used to getting a million roses. This is not that fun for me. Do you think I need to fight over one guy?" Apparently...YES! Even Matt admitted that he felt like she was "beyond his level of attractiveness", but the drama side of her was such a big turn off. No one wants drama on a first date! Save the drama until later...at least by then we've grown to know you better and can feel an ounce of pity for you. At this stage it's just funny. My biggest surprise came when he gave Chelsea a rose. I thought it was a bit sad how she kept telling him how tough it was to have all of these talents and no one to share them with. Little did I know that the talent she wanted to share was that she was double jointed and could turn her tongue upside down. They didn't reveal that until the end of the show. No wonder Matt was "gutted" that he couldn't spend the rest of the night with her. AND I thought she couldn't out do the arm wrestling. As Matt put it...some ladies shined and some ladies flunked. Tune in next week as the 12 left standing show us more of their amazing...and not so amazing talents! Bachelor: London CallingWell hello Matt Grant! I have to say that I am quite pleased that ABC has finally picked a bachelor with some personality and a sense of humor. The dancing sequence at the end of the show alone was enough to make me think this could be the best bachelor yet. This 27 year old banker from London has come to America to "steal our women" and let me tell you...after watching this week's show...some of these ladies need to be stolen. I didn't think the producers could top the girl from last season who got so drunk that she didn't even notice when her falsie fell out of her dress and onto the floor, but this season they topped that and brought us Stacey! What can I say about Stacey that can't be summed up by telling you that this girl took off her panties and put them in his pocket! Yes ladies...she gives a whole new meaning to term panty dropper.
The premiere of the new Bachelor was a virtual beauty pageant complete with evening wear, interview, and talent competition...I use the word "talent" loosely. The girls pulled out all the stops. There was singing, dancing, and clarinet playing, but no one could top Carri from Oklahoma, who bit a chunk of aluminum out of a can to show her man that her dress wasn't the only tacky thing she possessed...as she put it "hello...all that and a bag of chips...what...snap". However, Matt must have been impressed by these ladies, because he kept all of them! The songwriter, the clarinet player, the arm wrestler, and the can biter. The only talent he wasn't impressed with was rock, paper, scissors champion Michelle. That girl looked like someone took a pair of scissors and intentionally hacked up her hair. What was she thinking? My worst impression rose would have gone to Amy, the nanny with her hair in her face, who not only posed as she stepped out of the car, but proceeded to make a dramatic turn as she walked up the side walk and stuck her hand in his face to greet him in her powder blue cut out dress. To make matters worse...he kept her! Oh well, maybe she'll be worth keeping around for more classically entertaining moments like that one. I'm always amazed by the number of 30 year old women who look like they shopped for their dress at Forever 21. Several of the dresses were way too big, way too gold, way too short, way too tight or just plain ugly...like that pleated coral number Christine had on with the gold accents or the green spandex Alyssa was sporting and was it just me or was there a lot of bad hair? It must have been really humid or something. Our "token nutbag", Stacey, wore a sparkly blue dress as she groped Matt's leg and delivered some of the best lines of the night including, "I don't know much but I want you to teach me" and "I want to find a pharmaceutical that will cure something that no one has thought of". Someone needs to find that girl a pill to cure classlessness and inappropriate behavior. As Marshana put it, "She is riding my nerves like a pony". The girl who made the best impression on me was Amanda. I don't know if it was the navy dress or the chronic hiccups, but she seemed at the very least "normal" in this crew of crazies and apparently Matt agreed, because he gave Amanda the first impression rose. As he put it...he thought she shined like a diamond. She was the first girl out of the limo and may possibly be the first girl to make it into his heart.
Where Are They Now?If you missed Monday's episode of The Bachelor "Where are they now?" Don't worry...they haven't gone anywhere. Alex, Aaron, Andrew, Jesse, Byron, Charlie, Travis, Larenzo, Andy and Brad are all still single...except BOB of course, who went on to marry a soap star he met while hosting a Bachelor special. All this tells me is that ABC can't pick a man who really wants a relationship any better than most of the women on the show. Now of course, they did say that Andrew was engaged...to a girl he's been dating for over 3 years. They are planning their wedding in the families' barn. Really?! You make the girl wait 3 years, your family owns a winery, you are the heir to the Firestone fortune, and the best place you can think of to hold your wedding is in an old barn? Nice! And the jury is still out on Byron's engagement to Mary. Last I heard, she was arrested for assaulting him...they didn't bother to mention that on the "Where are they now?" special...hopefully they're in counseling. Our hometown hero, Brad, actually declined to participate in the special, but his rejects were happy to put in their two cents. Was there footage of Jenny dancing you ask? Of course! And you'll be happy to know that Jenny is happily engaged to an old flame and they have already planned out their life together, including the number of children they are going to have (2 Boys and 1 Girl) and their names (Hayden, Cooper, and Harley). I still think that girl's headband is on too tight. DeAnna, on the other hand, is going to have her chance to get even and find her man on this summer's new season of The Bachelorette. Let's hope she finally finds a guy who can look her in the eye and tell her he loves her. Now this show wouldn't be complete without a look back at the "most memorable" women. First, there is Trish, the self-proclaimed gold digger who barged in on Jesse's date to ask him to spend the night with her. She is now engaged to a rich divorcee with 3 kids. I'm sure she bought them all matching gold digger t-shirts for Christmas. They must be so proud of their soon to be stepmom. Second, was the beloved Erica Rose, the spoiled Houston Princess who didn't know what to do without her maid around to pick up after her as she chased after Prince Lorenzo. Well, she showed us that all a woman really needs is a tiara and gigantic breast implants. Oh my! I think she went a little overboard. But, fear not, she has designed her own line of tiaras for all of the less fortune women in the world who want to feel like a Princess for a day...oh and yes...she is still single.
The show goes on to talk about all of the women who found love after The Bachelor, the women who are happily living alone with their dogs, and the ones who have been able to find jobs hosting local TV shows based on the obvious talent and experience they gained on The Bachelor, since a degree in broadcasting is apparently no longer part of the criteria. The results of the online survey were revealed as well: Most Romantic Moment - Byron's proposal to Mary I don't know if I agree with America's decision, but frankly I would have preferred they come up with some better categories like...Most Irritating Bachelorette...Least Likely to Ever Get Married...Best Use of Tears...Worst Accessories...you know...things people actually think about while watching the show. But, Prince Borghese was pretty tough to watch, so I'll give it to them on that one. Finally, the show ends with a preview of the newest...most exciting...most non-American Bachelor ever...Matt Grant! Yes ladies...he is British and he loves American women. Apparently, ABC realized they had to go to another country to find a man willing to marry one of these 25 Bachelorettes. Tune in next Monday as we will see the "most exciting bachelor ever" have more "dramatic" and "romantic" moments. This one looks like one to watch!
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