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Taylor: March 2009 Archives


Man charged with drunk driving on bar stool

7:48 AM Tue, Mar 31, 2009 |
Taylor

Driving drunk is really dumb. Driving drunk on a motorized bar stool is ... well ... that's just taking things to a whole new level.

(We call that level "blog-worthy.")

Police in Ohio said they received a call about a crash with injuries on March 4, the Associated Press reports.

...



Survey: Your best friend wants you fat

9:50 AM Wed, Mar 25, 2009 |
Taylor

A poll conducted for the Oxygen network revealed what exasperated husbands have been saying since the dawn of man: Women are nuts.

According to Reuters, 25 percent of the more than 2,000 ladies surveyed said they would rather win "America's Next Top Model" than a Nobel Peace Prize.

(Insert uncomfortable silence here.)

Ahem ... but it gets even better than that - 75 percent of the women surveyed said they'd shave their heads to save a stranger's life, and 88 percent said they'd happily give up their cell phone, jewelry and makeup to keep a friendship ... but more than a fourth of them said t...



Play-by-play narration unnecessary when stealing booze

2:41 PM Mon, Mar 23, 2009 |
Taylor

Have you ever met someone who has no inner monologue?

I often say this about my mother. Like, she'll be sitting there doing things that moms do, except she's giving a play-by-play narration of her activities to no one in particular.

"I'm going to buy these apples," she'll say, looking pleasantly off to her left, unaware of the two of three people standing next to her in the grocery line who are wondering if they should acknowledge her plans.

Since she's not a crook, her stream-of-consciousness soliloquies are--at their worst - marginally embarrassing.

Not so for Michael Anthon...



Lawmaker wants to DNA test abandoned pet poop

3:45 PM Tue, Mar 17, 2009 |
Taylor

Nobody likes it when Rover comes over and leaves a lawn ornament in their yard.

But one German lawmaker wants to take that fight to a whole new level, the AFP reports.
Peter Stein, a state parliamentarian who apparently has already solved all of his homeland's other pressing problems, wants officials to use DNA testing on abandoned dog dung and then fine the offending owners.

That's right. He's going to call out the CSI squad ... for poop.

fluffydog.jpg >> Continue reading: Lawmaker wants to DNA test abandoned pet poop



Man tries to sell nagging wife in magazine ad

4:24 PM Thu, Mar 12, 2009 |
Taylor

Certain love affairs are so sweet, so star-crossed that they become the stuff of legend.

You know the ones: Romeo & Juliet, Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall, Cinderella and Prince Charming, the guy who put his nagging wife up for sale in a trade magazine...

Ummm ... never mind that last one.

americangothic.jpg
Being married is fun. See?
Wikimedia Co...



In Jersey, they fish for cars. I want a Benz!

2:48 PM Fri, Mar 06, 2009 |
Taylor

Ahhh, New Jersey.

Motto: Reinforcing native state-related stereotypes since 1787.

Does that seem harsh? It's not. I say it lovingly, because I've lived there.

I have fond memories of New Jersey ... like the time I slipped in puke on the floor of the PATH train. Or the time I leaned out of my 15th-floor window, took a deep breath, gazed out upon the stacks of grey metal crud and concrete in the shadow of the Manhattan skyline and dreamt of all the places I could hide a body in my immediate periphery.

It goes without saying that there is plenty to do there.

But boy, do I...


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