Taylor: February 2009 Archives

Hey, America! Were you born 30 seconds ago but are somehow able to read? Did you spend the last year in an impenetrable vacuum? Do you close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears and go "LALALALALA" every time you turn on the TV?

If so, I have some breaking news from the Dept. of Duh just for you: The economy stinks. Big time. (You're welcome.)

People are getting hosed left and right - especially in the real estate market.

But, according to police in Oregon, one realtor in particular has been adding insult to injury by helping himself to homeowners' sweet, sweet booze, >> Continue reading: Worst burglary excuse ever -- 'I'm a realtor'

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We've all had one of "those days."

You know, the ones where absolutely nothing goes your way: You lose your keys, you rip your pants, you forget your umbrella in the rain, you get a flat, you get bird poop in your hair ... whatever.

Usually, all you have to do is stomp around a little, make a few frowny faces, fix whatever is wrong and move on.

But then there are the days when it all becomes too much--when your last, frayed nerve goes haywire, and you completely lose it.

You are hysterical. You are unreasonable. You are rolling around on an airport terminal floor like a freshly ...

>> Continue reading: Lady misses flight in Hong Kong, goes 'naners

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Sure, donuts will make you fat. But did you know they can earn you a first-class ticket to the big house?

A hungry dude in Indiana learned that the hard way when cops tracked him down with an unfinished - but delicious - Krispy Kreme, the heraldtimesonline.com reports.

We imagine the APB sounded something like this:

"Calling all cars. We're in hot pursuit of a fat, bald guy in a white shirt and blue pants. He drives a pink car and works at the nuclear plant in Springfield. The suspect is hatless. Repeat...

>> Continue reading: Hungry hoodlum busted by donut of destiny

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When an Australian tourism bureau hung the old "help wanted" sign for the "Best Job in the World," more than 10,000 employment-seekers answered the call.

Why? Duuuude. If you're hired, you get $100,000 a year to sit on your duff and blog from a tropical island.

(Which, come to think of it, is pretty much the same thing as my job, except my tropical island is a newsroom cubicle, and I do it for way less than that ... but ... I digress.)

Anyway, out of all of those video applications, one in particular raised a few eyebrows. It was from Osama bin Laden, Reuters reports.

That's right...

>> Continue reading: Even bin Laden wants the 'Best Job in the World'

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Ahhhh, America. Land of the free. Home of the brave. Nation of beer-drinking power tool users.

A recent Consumer Reports survey found what Jeff Foxworthy jokes have been telling us for quite some time: Americans routinely do stupid stuff.

The survey found nearly three out of every four Americans put cotton swabs in their ears, risking a perforated eardrum, the Associated Press reports.

Dun dun DUUUUUUN.

>> Continue reading: America: Land of the free, home of the beer drinking power tool users

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