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September 2009
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Taylor: May 2008 ArchivesYou know when you're on a road trip and you really have to pee, and there's like nowhere to stop? And so when you finally find a crummy little gas station and make it to the bathroom, the toilet is broken? And then you soil your spacesuit? What, you don't have a spacesuit? Never mind. But a group of astronauts might have that same problem if they don't fix the can at the International Space Station.
Need to rid yourself of that unwanted moose carcass in your life? That's not a very nice thing to say about your roommate. Oh wait, you're serious? OK. Check Craigslist. What's better than getting busted for naked gator wrasslin'? Getting busted for naked gator wrasslin', the sequel. But just who would do such a thing? America, meet Adrian Apgar.
If traffic accidents were designed by me when I was 10, they would all look like this one. A giant big rig full of double-stuffed Oreo cookies crashed in Illinois overnight, sending 14 tons of dunkable chocolate cookie sandwich goodness spilling out over the roadway, the Associated Press reports. Awesome.
There's a reason why certain items are constructed specifically for certain tasks. For example, a trash can makes a bad toothbrush. Shoelaces will not iron your clothes. Whoopie cushions, though humorous, are of no use to someone in need of a pencil. And most importantly, as Jorge Espinal discovered, a revolver makes a really lousy back scratcher.
When Jason Cull was swimming off the waters of a popular beach in Australia Saturday, he wasn't counting on a great white shark crashing his aqua party. But that great white wasn't counting on Cull having guts of steel and a quick draw on his pokey finger either.
Pained pumpers at a convenience store in Indiana were so put out by outrageous gas prices Monday that they broke out in song. Seriously. A dude with a guitar and a megaphone climbed up on top of the gas station roof and started signing a little ditty he called "Price Gougin,'" to the delight of broke motorists and their sad, empty wallets below, The Associated Press reports. Jay Weinberg's song was so catchy that dozens of supporters below him sang along: "I can't afford it. I'm banging on my dashboard. I can't believe they think I'm a fool." But police weren't so into it. ... It sounds like a bad Jeff Foxworthy joke, but it's not. Some dude in Illinois wants to be buried in a giant can of Pabst Blue Ribbon. And far be it from good sense or taste to deny Bill Bramanti what he wants.
What do you do when you've got unpaid traffic tickets, you're wearing your bad idea jeans and you get pulled over by the fuzz? Hmmm ... I'll take "Dig Your Own Grave" for $300, Alex! Some creative genius in Sheboygan, Wis., decided the only way to get out of trouble was to give police a false name, the Associated Press reports. But just in case that wasn't bad enough, the name he gave them was that of a wanted felon. Oops!
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