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July 2009
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Michelle Homer: May 2007 Archives
Welcome to your fabulous new beachfront property, you bag of bones, you! Is real estate a good investment if you're dead by the time you get to see it? The folks at Lo'ihi Development Co. are inviting you to take a dirt nap and see for yourself. The company plants to start offering oceanview lots that buyers won't actually be able to stand on for 10,000 years, the Associated Press reports.
The first rule of nerd fight club is: You do not talk about nerd fight club. The second rule of nerd fight club is: Seriously, don't say anything or you'll probably get a wedgie at the water cooler. Picture this: Grown men, sweating it out, dueling for honor, heartily engaged in unbridled hand-to-hand combat in a riveting display of human athleticism and valor. Now picture this: A couple of pasty IT guys wearing padded helmets, beating each other with Nerf bats until one of them gets a nosebleed and has to call his mom. Yeah. Nerd fight club is more like that second one. <...
Found that special someone? Need to celebrate your union with a giant, fancy, sugar-coated expression of your undying love? Ask your doctor if a five-tier, orange chiffon fondant cake is right for you. (Warning: May cause embarrassment, mental anguish, serious anxiety, humiliation and sleepless nights. If you experience any of these symptoms and happen to live in the Philippines, then you must be Edgardo or Stephanie Abenina.)
If "some guys" have all the luck, then Jeanne Rogers is definitely not "some guys." Never mind she's not a dude. This lady's seen it all ... and lived to tell about it. Rogers has been shot at, mugged, was nearly strangled, has fallen into a manhole and off a cruise ship, had a bat trapped in her hair and has been struck by lightning -- twice, The Bangor Daily News reports. And perhaps the most horrifying of all ... She inadvertently helped Mister Rogers get naked, and we're not talking about her husband. We're talking the sweater-sporting, train-having, won't-you-be-my-neighbor M... It's Squirrels Gone Wild: Elementary School Edition, and things are gonna get hairy. A sinister critter went postal on a group of first graders in San Francisco as they prepared to go on a field trip, The San Francisco Chronicle reports.
There's nothing more touching than watching the exchange of TiVows. Do you take this digital recording device to be your lawfully wedded digital recording device, forsaking all others, till death do you part?
I do. Really? Yep. Ooooookay. ...You know, buying a new house is a pain, because the people there before you are always leaving stuff behind ... boxes in the attic, pool equipment, discarded window treatments, their very own corpse ... According to police, a lucky homebuyer in Spain got a little more than he bargained for when he first walked through the steps of his new abode: the mummified body of the lady who used to live there, taking a dirt nap on the living room couch. Welcome home!
Do you think they'd like some cheese with that whine? Oh, why even ask -- they're French! According to a recent study, French workers are the world's biggest whiners, the AFP reports. Well, me pleurez une riviere.
In case you needed another reason not to become a nudist, hear this: The naked folks aren't getting any younger. In fact, the aging ranks of the bare-bottomed have become such a problem that nudist groups are actually going out of their way to recruit a new generation of free spirits willing to let it all hang out, the Associated Press reports.
Oh, the humanity! Malaysian customs officials are set to commit the ultimate party foul: dumping 196,000 cans of beer down the drain, News.com.au reports.
What manner of madman would do such a thing, you ask? Your guess is as good as mine. ...It's just like the wise man said: He who smears his house with the poop of predators normally confined to zoos and/or eccentric Vegas magic shows (or poop of any variety, really) ... is ... uhh ... not moving in next to me any time soon. But don't tell that to the stinky peeps in one Scottish neighborhood.
Somewhere, the Boogie Man and the Loch Ness Monster are calling their lawyers. It's one thing to advocate protecting endangered animals. It's another thing entirely to advocate the protection things that ... well ... don't necessarily exist.
It's hard to find the inspiration to run. But maybe it's not so hard when you've got to catch your meal ... in the desert ... of a foreign country ... with a bunch of Aborigines ... with a camera stuck squarely in your starving, sweaty face. At least, that's what the makers of a new British reality show are betting on. |
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