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March 2009
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July 2008 ArchivesWhen it comes to music, there are oldies but goodies. When it comes to jokes ... well ... not so much. Researchers at the University of Wolverhampton came up with a list of the top ten oldest recorded jokes in the world for a British TV network called Dave, News.com.au reports. And if anything can be learned from this list, it would be that man's sense of humor has been stuck in the third grade since ... oh, say 1900 BC. A Sumerian joke from that year ranks as the oldest documented knee-slapper. It goes a little something like this: Somebody call the fashion police. You see, kids, crime doesn't pay. It pays out. Here's a word to the wise: Never, and we mean NEVER, take a Longhorn to the movies ... unless you want to get hazmat involved. Why? Burnt popcorn is like kryptonite to the burnt orange. That's right ... burnt popcorn. DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!!!! An entire campus dormitory was evacuated overnight Thursday after residents reported a strong odor wafting from the fourth floor. They were unable to identify the smell, so emergency officials evacuated all 200 people inside as hazmat crews investigated, KVUE-TV reports. That's when they discovered the devious -- but delicious -... Wite-Out can fix almost any mistake, but no amount of Wite-Out will make you disappear after you've been arrested for drunk driving. Unless you're made of ink. But even then, you'd need a lot of Wite-Out. And ink can't drive. Or drink, for that matter ... Whatever. Anyway, some fool in police custody in Omaha took a swig from a bottle of the famed correction fluid while no one was looking, but it did nothing to erase his plight. In fact, it made it worse.
It's common knowledge that crime doesn't pay. But sometimes crime not only doesn't pay, it gives you a karmic wedgie and steals your lunch money, too. Consider the sad story of Victor Martin. Victor broke into an apartment in Brooklyn and made off with a cool $200. Great success, right? Guess again. He may have gotten away with some cash, but he left his wallet at the scene, the New York Post reports. And that's when things got really weird. Victor actually returned to the home and knocked on the tenant's window. Gimme all your money, or I'll ... I'll ... uhhh ... would you like parmesan with your pasta, sir? A dude in Illinois was busted this week after he tried to rob a pub with a cheese grater, NWI.com reports.
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