The mayor says he issued the moratorium on mortality because of the village's overcrowded boneyard. Apparently, a legal ruling is keeping him from expanding the burial ground, so he put the kibosh on bucket kicking in protest.

"The first dead person to come along, I'll send him to the state's representative," Mayor Gerard Lalanne told News.com.au.

Indeed. At least they can't kill the messenger.

So if you feel the need to expire, you might want to steer your corpse clear of France altogether, what with all their dust-biting decrees. Another village outlawed death last year because of a similar cemetery problem.

But authorities eventually relented and allowed them to expand.

Bad News (for) Bears

Somewhere, Winnie the Pooh is shaking in his ... um ... does he wear boots? I can't remember. Anyway, he's scared.

Why?

Because a Macedonian court recently convicted a bear of theft and damage for swiping some honey from a beekeeper, News.com.au reports.

Busted!

The beekeeper said he tried to fend off the honey-grubber by blaring "turbo-folk" music -- enough, we presume, to keep anything with ears away.

"I tried to distract the bear with lights and music because I heard bears are afraid of that," Zoran Kiseloski told the Dnevnik daily paper.

His plan worked at first. The perma-rave kept the hairy one at bay until his generator ran out. Then the bear came back.

A Bitola city court found the bear guilty, but since he didn't have an owner and he was ... well ..... a BEAR, for crying out loud, the court ordered the state to pay the $3,500 in damages caused to the hives.

Note to self: Giant helium-filled balloon makes shoddy jewelry box

Dear girlfriend, will you marry me and perhaps forget that I am a motor moron who lost your rock in a big balloon?

No?

Dang.

A hapless 28-year-old Romeo in London lost his lady love's affections -- at least temporarily -- when his plot to pop the question turned into a high-flying nightmare.

You see, Lefkos Hajji shelled out $12,000 for an engagement ring and promptly stuck it inside a big helium balloon, Reuters reports. He wanted his girlfriend to pop it as he proposed.

You can see where this is going.

As he left the balloon shop, an untimely gust of wind sent the ring sailing away.

"I couldn't believe it," Hajji told The Sun newspaper. "I just watched as it went farther and farther into the air."

Hajji said he tried to chase the balloon for hours, to no avail.

And now his beloved is refusing to speak to him until he procures another rock.
Hajji said he's hoping the ring will turn up somewhere.

We won't hold our breath.