Just ask Paul Nelson and Joanna Zelonis.

They were fleeing from police in a stolen car in Montana when they ran into pole, bailed out of the car and were captured by the cops, the Montana Spokesman Review reports.

After shining their superhero beacon into the night sky, officers at the scene saw a man clad only in metallic underpants and handcuffs emerge from a nearby residence and fly off into the distance, faster than a speeding bullet, in search of a wrong to right.

Just kidding. They didn't have a beacon, and, as far as this blog is concerned, that guy can't fly. But they did ask if he was OK.

"He apparently decided to take a stroll. He's fine," Officer Brian Eckersley told the Review. "It was completely unrelated to the crash."

Ummm ... awesome.

The suspects were taken to the Spokane County Jail.

Score one for the good guys.

By Taylor Timmins

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This just in from the Dept. of I Can Think of Better Ways to Spend $25,000:

If you ever find yourself with your drawers in a bunch, desperate to dispose of $25,000, please call me before purchasing the naming rights to a public toilet.

Tragically, Brad Feld did not hear my plea.

He paid a hefty chunk of change to the University of Colorado to have his name and the phrase "The best ideas often come at inconvenient times. Don't ever close your mind to them" inscribed on a campus restroom door, The Daily Camera reports.

"I just wanted a plaque outside of the men's room to inspire people as they walk in to do their business," Feld told the camera.

Indeed. Let us all enjoy a hearty round of golf claps for Feld as he checks "inspire pooping individuals" off his personal to-do list.

Feld had previously tried to purchase the potty naming rights to a restroom at MIT, but the university had declined. When he approached the folks at Colorado, they just asked that the inscription be tasteful.

"I thought it was pretty funny," CU junior Nathan Ertz told the Camera.

By Taylor Timmins

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Think about it: Have YOU ever seen the mailman and the tooth fairy in the same place at the same time? And if so, have you taken your medication today?

Hey, remember letters? You know, those pieces of paper you write on with a pen or pencil and then fold up and stuff in an envelope? And then you put what's called a "stamp" on them and put them in a "mailbox" and the tooth fairy comes and picks them up?

I mean the mailman?

Yeah. Well you'd do just as well to tack that letter to the back of a snail. Seriously.

After receiving a letter in the mail, an IT worker in Poland calculated that a snail would have made it to his home faster than the parcel, Reuters reports.

Snail-mail, indeed.

The dude determined that it took a whopping 294 hours for the letter to travel the 11.1 kilometers between the sender and himself.

In case you left your calculator in your other car (which may or may not be a Zamboni) that's a rate of 0.03775 kilometers per hour. A snail clocks in at 0.048.

By Taylor Timmins

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How to go directly to jail without passing "go" or collecting $200: Boobs akimbo edition

It's bad to be loud and drunk in public.

It's even worse to be loud and drunk in public and slap a cop across the face.

But when you're loud and drunk in public and you get your boobs out before you slap a cop across the face, you're just asking to be immortalized in the blogosphere.

It happened in ... wait for it ... Tennessee.

A 22-year-old woman got a first class ticket to the clink after she took off her top and slapped a cop at a place appropriately named "Gentleman Jim's," The Daily News Journal reports.

Apparently the lady had a few too many and was making some noise when Officer Ray Roberts approached her.

When he told her to tone it down, she started stripping and swinging.

She was immediately arrested on charges of assault, disorderly conduct, supreme boobery and public intoxication.

Taaadaaaa!

By Taylor Timmins