A survey by Fitness magazine shows that 85 percent of women would rather grow an extra toe than carry around 50 extra pounds of flab, The Chicago Sun-Times reports.

Awesome.

And it gets weirder.

Almost a quarter of them said they'd spend a week in jail to achieve their ideal weight. Too bad they wouldn't have anywhere to wear that little black dress in the big house.

About the same amount of women said they'd shave their heads or trade in a decade of their life ( -- do we get to pick which one?) to be slender.

The results came as no surprise to Gretchen Collins, a fitness program manager. She said ladies are always seeking a quick fix to fitness. But the dirty, Twinkie-deprived truth is, there is no easy way out of those turkey-eating pants.

Dang.

"You can't ever stop with working out and eating right," Collins said. "It's a nonstop job even if you reach your ideal weight."

Note to self ... Add "Gretchen Collins" to list of people to drop kick.

In the meantime, I'll be working on this toe over here.

By Taylor Timmins

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That's MISTER Moron to you

This just in from the Department of Actual News Headlines: Moron arrested for crashing truck into house.

Seriously.

Sometimes this blog just writes itself.

Bryan Scott Moron, a 20-year-old smart guy from Burleson, was taken to the clink for making his truck a lawn ornament of sorts, myfoxdfw.com reports.

Police say Moron lost control of his white Chevy, struck a mailbox and then barreled into the side of a house.

The officer on the scene said Moron failed sobriety tests and had a blood alcohol level of more than twice the legal limit.

That's just not smart.

By Taylor Timmins

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Because one Christmas a year is never enough ...

Every day is crazy day at Andy Park's house.

You see, as all of you are taking down your Christmas decorations and stowing them away for next year, Park is putting new ones up.

New ones he bought at discount prices at post-Christmas sales.

Is he just running late? Not so much. Park, who lives in England, keeps his Christmas decorations up all year long.

Is he ... lazy? Nope. Is he out of his mind? Yes.

Park actually celebrates Christmas every day, complete with a full Christmas dinner and presents he buys -- and wraps -- for himself, the AFP reports.

Park's never-ending holiday started in July of 1993, when he was bummed out. To cheer himself up, he put up his Christmas decorations (why not?!).

"Suddenly I was happy. I thought, this is fun. So I did it again the next day, and the day after that," he told the AFP.

"Since then my routine every day has been to get up and have seven or eight mince pies and glass of sherry for breakfast. After that I open the presents I've wrapped for myself. I've given myself some nice ones over the years -- one year I got a Mercedes!"

After he returns home from work, he enjoys a full Christmas feast and watches the Queen's traditional Christmas address.

"People do think I'm crackers, but I enjoy treating myself and I'm the only one in the world who does it. Others have tried to copy me, but they can't last. I'm the only one who can hold out," Park said.

"When people come to my house it turns a sad face into a smiling one, and the happiness stays with them."