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May 2008
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Pained pumpers at a convenience store in Indiana were so put out by outrageous gas prices Monday that they broke out in song. Seriously. A dude with a guitar and a megaphone climbed up on top of the gas station roof and started signing a little ditty he called "Price Gougin,'" to the delight of broke motorists and their sad, empty wallets below, The Associated Press reports. Jay Weinberg's song was so catchy that dozens of supporters below him sang along: "I can't afford it. I'm banging on my dashboard. I can't believe they think I'm a fool." But police weren't so into it.
Continue reading "Price Gougin': Pained gas pumpers break out in song" It sounds like a bad Jeff Foxworthy joke, but it's not. Some dude in Illinois wants to be buried in a giant can of Pabst Blue Ribbon. And far be it from good sense or taste to deny Bill Bramanti what he wants.
Continue reading "Bury me in a beer can" What do you do when you've got unpaid traffic tickets, you're wearing your bad idea jeans and you get pulled over by the fuzz? Hmmm ... I'll take "Dig Your Own Grave" for $300, Alex! Some creative genius in Sheboygan, Wis., decided the only way to get out of trouble was to give police a false name, the Associated Press reports. But just in case that wasn't bad enough, the name he gave them was that of a wanted felon. Oops!
Continue reading "Dude accidentally IDs himself as wanted felon ... jailarity ensues" Update: Dino dung sells for $1,000. Get your petrified poop while it's hot ... err ... not! It might seem a little (represses urge to puke) eccentric, but a giant pile of dinosaur dung is heading to an auction block in New York, the Associated Press reports. Any bidders?
Continue reading "Petrified dinosaur poop for sale! Yay!" Note to self: Do not make international calls at the behest of beasts. I know this might come as a shock, but if you get an urgent text message from a "G. Raffe" or "Anna Conda," it might ... just might ... be a prank.
Continue reading "G. Raffe, Anna Conda prank the zoo" You know, life as a Star Wars nerd is hard enough without drunken strangers interrupting your backyard lightsaber fights. Just ask England's Barney Jones and his cousin, Michael. They were getting their force on fifth-grade-style in their back yard in front of the camera--battling for intergalactic dork domination, no doubt -- when some drunk guy with a trash bag on his head crashed their party, News.com.au reports. It was Drunk Vader. (Cue the scary music) Continue reading "Drunk Vader crashes lightsaber fight" Sad because you can't get a date? You need to make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex. A good way to do that is to put on your goth gear and frantically stuff your face full of black noodles in front of a crowd of commiserating lonely hearts. Wait ... err ... we mean bad. A bad way to do that. Sorry. But a bunch of South Koreans who consider themselves unlucky in love ignored our advice ate the inky noodles with haste this week, Reuters reports. They were celebrating "Black Day."
Continue reading "Unlucky in love? Eat your way to happiness!" Your postal worker is prepared to deal with rain. He can definitely handle heat and fog. And not even dark of night can keep him away. But throw a wild turkey in the mix and you can fugghedaboudit. Turkeys are like kryptonite to the mailman. Continue reading "Wild turkeys go postal on unsuspecting mailmen" Don't blame me -- I'm just a dead guy! If you're ever busted burgling a funeral home in Spain, the cops are probably not going to mistake you for a corpse unless you are, in fact, deceased. But unfortunately for a 23-year-old dude in Burjassot (but happily for this blog) he wasn't scared to death when he was caught breaking into the Crespo Funeral Home. He was just scared stupid. Dead serious.
Continue reading "Funeral home burglar plays dead, goes to jail" Calling all morons! Indiscriminately giving out one's phone number is never a bright idea. But leaving your digits at the scene of a robbery is just plain ... well ... funny. Continue reading "I'd love to rob you sometime -- call me!" Add this to your list of homeowner's woes: Roof weenies. And we're not talking the Oscar Mayer kind. A man in Phoenix was surprised and a little disturbed when the local news informed him there was a giant male sex organ painted on his roof. And the best part is ... it had been there for six months without him knowing. Surprise! AZCentral.com reports the painting was left on the roof by the guys' buddies during his bachelor party. "I think it's hilarious," art beneficiary Ryan Walker said. "If you woke up and the news is at your house, and you had a giant penis on your roof what would you think?" Unfortunately for Walker, not everyone on his block is a fan of modern art (or no longer in the third grade). Some were less than amused. "That was a little eye opener," neighbor Darnell Whitfield said. "It was like a hit of coffee or something in the face. A penis on the roof. I was like, 'Huh? Are you serious?'" Walker's next door neighbor said she didn't mind -- as long as it was on someone else's house. The city said the impromptu painting would only be taken up by the Neighborhood Services Department if someone complains. In that case, they'd ask that Walker remove it. But Walker says it likely won't come to that. He'll probably paint over it, just to be a good neighbor. Want a man's perspective on anatomic art? Check out our newest blog, For Men Only. By Taylor Timmins Ever been told to 'get a life?' You may be in luck. Some dude in Australia is selling his on eBay. Seriously. Ian Usher, 44, decided the only way to start fresh after his failed marriage was to hold an Ian-Usher-super-blowout-everything-must-go-clearance of sorts, Reuters reports. But we're not talking about a garage sale here. Usher's hawking his house, his job and even his buddies, all in a bid to make himself a new man. "It's time to move. A completely fresh start. I want to see where life takes me," Ian Usher, 44, told Australian television. And it's a packaged deal. Usher's life auction includes his house, a car, a motorcycle, a jet ski, a spa, introduction to his buddies and a job at a rug shop for a trial two-week period. Parts not sold separately. "Hi there, my name is Ian Usher, and I have had enough of my life! I don't want it any more! You can have it if you like," he said on his Web site, www.alife4sale.com. Interested parties can start their bidding on June 22. "When it's over, I will just walk out the front door, take my wallet, my passport and start a new life," Usher told Reuters. And what of the ex who spawned the life liquidation? "Her last comment was, 'it seems a bit mental to me,'" Usher said.
It's just like your mom always told you: If you're ever the victim of a meat heist, and the bad guy threatens you with a big log of frozen Italian sausage, hit him in the face with an equally frozen ham ... and wear clean underwear in case you have an accident. You mom is so violent. But in this case, she was right. A meat thief got a face full of frozen ham-flavored justice when he tried to swipe some goods from a restaurant freezer in Gloucester, Mass., the Associated Press reports. Continue reading "This just in from the Dept. of Frozen Meat Warfare" Hey, dead guy -- yeah, I'm talking to you. No dying allowed here. Seriously. So get your no-good carcass outta town or I'll have to make you ... double dead ... or something. A village in France has banned residents from taking a dirt nap in their territory unless they own a spot in the local cemetery, News.com.au reports. What's more, they've promised "severe punishment" for offenders. Continue reading "No dying allowed!" If you're caught getting frisky with a Henry Hoover, saying you were merely vacuuming your underpants is probably not going to fool too many people. Then again, is there really an excuse that would?
Continue reading "This just in from the Dept. of Sexy Appliances" Losing your truck is bad enough, but a California man got a double dose of d'oh! when he realized his dog was the one who stole it. I think there's a country song in there somewhere ... Continue reading "Man miffed when sticky-pawed pooch steals pickup" And they're coming around the bend ladies and gentleman its Bournda See and Morcombe ... Bournda See and Morcombe and ... and ... just a minute ladies and gentleman it's Naked Drunk Idiot!!! Naked Drunk Idiot face-planting into the lead with absolutely no shame and a first class ticket to the clink! Continue reading "Naked Drunk Idiot gets his derby on" Sit. Stay. Roll over. Pick up your socks. A journalist has confirmed what housewives have suspected for centuries: Men are like dogs. Woof. Continue reading "Sit. Stay. Be married. Good boy." Astute cops in Hagerstown, Md., recently reported something you may have discovered a long time ago: Crack found in man's buttocks. That's some good policing there, Lou. Continue reading "Police: Crack found in man's buttocks" Listen up, baddies. You never know when a shiny-underwear clad superhero is going to emerge from the ether and bust open a can of justice in your face. ... Or when you're going to crash a stolen car into a pole while a guy in metallic manties and handcuffs just happens to be walking by. Either way. Continue reading "Baddies blinded by metallic manties; Justice served" Finally, a study to tell parents what screaming kids and years of post birthday party therapy have been saying for years: Do NOT send in the clowns.
Continue reading "This just in from the Dept. of Duh: Clowns are scary" |
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