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May 2008
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Being a bridesmaid can be a bum deal. It can be depressing, embarrassing, emotional and, worst of all, expensive. I've been there approximately 5,932,082,278,939,478 times. Because of that, I thought I'd be a pretty reasonable bride -- you know, inexpensive dresses, no major demands. But I thought wrong. I am butt-crazy obsessed with feet, people. So shoe me.
Seriously, when I picked out these little black tea-length dresses, I didn't think about the shoe issue. But now it haunts my every waking nightmare. Not only do I have bridesmaids who range in statue from garden gnome to skyscraper, they have varying personal styles and feet to match. I'm thinking, "Oh, this wedding is outside on the grass. Pointy high heels will sink like golf tees. Perhaps we should get wedges or thicker heels. I want there to be ankle straps too. Yay for my vision." But -- and I'll freely admit this -- my idea of style is limited mostly to what is clean in my closet or on sale at Old Navy. And when I issued the edict to the crew, it was met emotions ranging from defeated acceptance to tactful revolt. Some don't care. Others don't respond at all. Still others want comfort over style. Others want style over comfort. It makes me want a vodka drink. And carbs. So the question here is, at what point does a bride lay down the law and force her friends to wear shoes they will at best find dated and distasteful, at worst downright frumpy? Should a bride have the authority to mandate, say, open or closed toe? Should she have the authority to pick the precise shoe? Should a bridesmaid be able to reject a bridal edict without having to put her foot in her mouth and risk a fist to the face? Should the bride just forget about it, buy them all clown shoes and have them dance down the aisle in tears, forever ruing the day they questioned her original choice of clunky, cheap footwear? How do you put your foot down without having to throw down? TrackBackTrackBack URL for this entry: |
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get over it. If you let the bridesmaids choose their own shoes, even though they will not all be wearing the same shoes, they will choose shoes appropriate for their own height, comfort, and foot size taking all into consideration. Otherwise, choose a standard low-heeled pump which will flatter any foot and not sink into the grass.
While letting your bridesmaids wear whatever shoe they want is the best thing you could do for them, it might not bode well with your vision. Plus, they are shoes. You're not asking them to cut their hair or lose 10 pounds.
Generally, the cost of being a bridesmaid includes, at a minimum, the dress and shoes. I think it's OK to issue a standard for the wedding – within reason. Is it a $100 standard on top of a $200 dress? Then maybe you should chip in. Is it something like open vs. closed as long as it's a certain color? Seems fine (to me).
Anytime I've been a bridesmaid, and there are lots of times, I have accepted that it is a financial responsibility, but most importantly – it's an honor. You're dedicating your time, and money, to your friend/sister/cousin. And the bottom line is that you’re supporting them during this year of hellacious planning and then the happiest day of their lives. If that means putting a strap around your ankle, I say do it. I've done it for cherished friends, and I'd do it in a heartbeat again if asked.
Split the difference--choose something you like, but take into consideration that they have to be able to stand/walk/walk in grass in them.
I can't walk in anything taller than about 2 1/2 inches, and you're right than small-diameter heels will sink into turf. I'd wear ugly shoes for a friend's wedding but I draw the line at twisting an ankle. So, be practical, but don't let them railroad you just because they don't like the style. Frankly, nobody is going to be looking at their feet, anyway.
"Plus, they are shoes. You're not asking them to cut their hair or lose 10 pounds."
You could very well be asking somebody to wear something they find excruciatingly uncomfortable. Walk in them. Stand in them. DANCE in them. Shoes can make the difference between a genuine smile and a barely disguised grimace.
For what it's worth, you're within your rights to request a style and color but beyond that I think is pushing it simply because shoe comfort can be so different between people.
First, find a shoe that will go well with their dresses. Maybe a cute wedge will do!!?? Be sure if it's open toe, you ask your BM's to wear a neutral polish on their toes, you don't want someone in a bright blue toe polish messing up your pictures...sorry but it will!!! Second, find some cute yet expensive matching flip flops that they can change into by the end of the night but make clear that for formal pics, they must have on their shoes and not the flip flops.
OK if you just get the shoes a half size bigger and stick in shoe petals (at Nordstrom) it will make ALMOST any shoes tolerable…