You are not hallucinating. You are reading this correctly: Spencer Pratt, of flesh-colored beardonia, is legally changing his name to King Spencer Pratt.

* mind blows up on my face *

According to UsWeekly, he's decided since the Brits have royalty, America should too. And since he has half a brain (too generous?) and doesn't understand anything about history or how monarchies work, he's "nominating" himself for the job.

First of all, in terms of pretend American royalty, we already have Prince: someone with actual talent. He didn't have the gall to bestow that name upon himself either; he was born Prince Rogers Nelson. (I know this is true because my dad grew up in Minneapolis in the same neighborhood.) Second, Spencer Pratt is the worst thing to happen to the United States since Roseanne Barr slaughtered the Star-Spangled Banner at that baseball game.

So all hail King Spencer Pratt, ruler of everything that is talentless, tawdry and totally worthless! I bow to your beard.

7 Comments

Aaron said:

This ought to get him what he wants: mentioned in all the late-night talk show monologues.

He really ought to have to fight this guy for the rights to the name though:

http://www.sherdog.com/fighter/Spencer-Fisher-5118

September 1, 2009 8:08 PM

Kelly said:

I really want to kick this guy in the junk so he can't reproduce. The thought of "Speidi" offspring if enough to make me want to "off" myself. The world is so screwed.

September 3, 2009 12:36 PM

Kelly said:

I really want to kick this guy in the junk so he can't reproduce. The thought of "Speidi" offspring if enough to make me want to "off" myself. The world is so screwed.

September 3, 2009 12:38 PM

Adrienne said:

I actually just read some article where Spencer apparently says he'd divorce Heidi if she got pregnant. Isn't that sweet?

September 3, 2009 8:48 PM

Aaron said:

Are you sure he said "divorce" and not "kick down a flight of stairs?"

September 3, 2009 11:23 PM

Adrienne said:

He's not smart enough for that plan.

September 4, 2009 12:59 PM

Aaron said:

Spencer says:

"that's the problem"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zsZ__BMr_Q

September 6, 2009 8:14 PM

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