For those of you living under a rock these past few days, the president's daughter is getting hitched this weekend. And oh, by the way, so is Henry Hager.
Who is Henry Hager?
Well, in all the hoopla about Jenna Bush getting married, it seems that lost in all the hype is the groom and his name is Henry Chase Hager.
Nice enough fella. His dad is a Republican Party big wig in Virginia and used to be the lieutenant governor of the Commonwealth of Virginia.
But outside of that, we know little else about young Henry, except he went to Wake Forest and worked as a White House aide to Karl Rove.
Oh, we also found this interesting tid-bit -- his brother works for the Otis Elevator Company. We doubt he is like an elevator repairman or something like that - although we consider that a very cool job.
That's all we know about the groom.
Typical!
When it comes to a ceremony that marks the joining of two people in a union of partnership and cooperation, the wedding is focused a single person - the bride.
As a female member of the KHOU staff reminded For Men Only, "It's all about the bride."
With which we totally agree.
If you think about it, the groom is needed only for window dressing for the ceremony and has only three responsibilities during the wedding - take the bride's arm after she walks up the aisle, put the ring on her finger and then kiss the bride (which in our opinion is the only time the groom actually gets to enjoy the wedding ceremony.)
The rest of wedding stuff is ALL about the bride.
Sure, the bride makes vain attempts to include the groom in on the decisions about the wedding. But let's be honest here, do you think Henry has had any say in what goes on this weekend at the Crawford Ranch?
Last we checked, Henry's dad wasn't holding a press conference to discuss what his son got as a wedding gift from his mom. Even his tuxedo fitting we hear didn't have a single photographer, while Jenna's dress fitting had an official White House photographer as well as photogs from a news magazine and - sources say -- that Fox News Channel had some sort of exclusive.
Check that, there was a photog at Henry's tux fitting. His Best Man, we hear, had a new Blackberry and was testing out the cell-cam feature. Photos were a bit blurry though.
Yes, a groom's opinion matters little in planning the wedding except to give the bride and the bride's mother something to disagree with.
Picking the cake
Bride: Honey, do you think the cake should be five or six tier?
Groom: I like a simple three-tier cake. (Future mother-in-law shakes her head in disgust after rolling her eyes.)
Bride: I think I like the six tier cake. (Her mother nods in agreement and the six-tier cake is ordered)
Picking the flowersBride: Honey, bunches I love so much. Do you think we should have calla lilies or tulips?
Groom: I rather prefer roses, keep it simple. (His own mother shakes her head in disappointment)
Bride: Good, we'll go with the tulips.
Ladies, cut to the chase. The groom's role in the wedding ceremony is very limited and actually quite simple. You don't really care what his opinion is on the flowers, or the colors or the invitation design.
You don't even need him for the wedding rehearsal. I mean, how hard is it for the guy to turn to his left when the wedding march song starts.
He doesn't have to memorize any lines because he just repeats what the priest/rabbi/pastor says.
The groom need only not screw up putting the ring on the bride's finger and giving her a big fat wet one when prompted.
In the spirit of such clarity, we suggest that the groom need not be a part of any of the wedding planning unless the bride will agree to take at least three of his suggestions.
To that end, our For Men Only Groom of the Week award goes to Jake Jones. The Texas A&M student is scheduled to get married this August.
On the weekend of the huge Bridal Show in Houston, young Jake was with us at the official For Men Only hangout - the Smoke Ring in Webster.
We inquired about how he managed his way out of going through the hours of torture of the expo. His answer was simple.
He told his wife-to-be that he only had two things to contribute to the wedding ceremony: 1) That the date be scheduled in such a way as not to interfere with hunting or football seasons and 2) He got to pick the alcohol for the wedding reception.
And to the shock of many of us in the room, his bride-to-be agreed. Oh, and 3) He suggested he not go to the Bridal Expo. (Which is good, because it is not called the couple or groom expo),
We wonder, you think Henry Hager was so lucky?
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Now for those interested in all things Jenna Bush, about this wedding we suggest you check out our extensive coverage from the gals who produce our Wedding Belles Blog.
And to much of your surprise Jake has quite a bit of say in the upcoming nuptials. I am not hard to please... feed me and I am pretty much good.
Plus growing up with David W as your big brother you learn to compromise.
My guess-Ole Henry had very LITTLE to do with the planning of this wedding. Lucky him.
Let's take a look at soon to be brother-in-law Jake. My man has a few things going for him. First, as we like to say in the trailer park, he comes from good stock. He has good parents a cool brother and a sweet Meemaw. (Note to my Meemaw, be nicer to me and Dee and cook us something fried and with grease) Jake and his family hunt, fish and drink beer. Seeing as he has a real job he is what Dad and I always wanted for Dee. A high class Redneck. Which is three steps up for my family. The second thing in Jake's favor is the fact that Dad and I trained Dee on how to be submissive and understand chauvinistic men. Dee understands as all women should that the Man is the head of the house. Dee gets the wedding and after that it is Jake's world. Dee, I told you that you should have been born a man. As the wise old sage Big Daddy David W once said when asked if he did any domestic duties around the house, (The Woman took my name I didn't take hers). Dad, I always wanted to thank you for that advice and I would like to pass it along to Jake. Jake, always remember that as a man you can write your name in the snow while standing up, that puts you at the top of the food chain. Dee, all you have to do to be a success at this marriage is learn how to cook, clean, skin a deer and shut up. I think you have a shot at the first 3. Jake, you are on your own on making that girl shut up. In all seriousness I am very happy for both of you and proud of both of you. If there is ever anything that I can do please let me know. I really wish we could have had the baby blue tux with ruffles. I would have bought a Trans Am with the Screming Eagle and grown a porn mustache if we could wear those bad boys.
Continued Tails from the Trailer Park
D.
Jake, Where do you plan on keeping the dogs since your house is not on blocks?
When men plan the wedding, figure out how to please all the picky bridesmaids, placate the cranky future mother-in-law and juggle the endless parade of vendors... then maybe they'll get top billing. Until then, shut up and eat your cake.
I read a phrase like "high class rednecks" and wind up convulsing with laughter. Then I remember, my in-laws are from a little town way up in North Texas. Its a quaint, slow-death of a burg known as Oklahoma City. And I thank whatever gods may be that they still live there.
Harkening back to my own nuptials I seem to recall that I was given domain over a few aspects of the ceremony. I chose the groomsmen. Lets not forget the groomsmen and the integral role they play. My best man, God bless his Canadian soul, was in charge and had three primary functions. Keep the ex-girlfriends in the back, the in-laws away from the wedding gifts, and keep the groom's buzz effective but respectable. Oh yes, the flasks stayed full, as well they should have. Its not as easy as it looks being a groom. I couldn't imagine marrying into a family with two presidents one of whom is STILL IN THE WHITE HOUSE. Besides, for most guys, let's make that MEN, the details of the wedding itself are not important. What difference does it make if there are 5 or 6 tiers? Only wimps eat that much cake anyway. Women are the ones who compare patterns, colors and menus years after the fact. Such minutiae are rather insignificant compared to THE REST OF YOUR NATURAL LIFE WITH THIS PERSON. (apologies to David) I couldn't tell you what the colors of my wedding were. (I've just been reminded by Mrs. ABM that our colors were periwinkle & lilac. I have no idea what that means but I'll take her word for it.)But I do know that it went over fairly well and we are still going strong. I tend to think of my wedding like the Special Forces would after raiding a stronghold successfully; Mission Accomplished. Hostiles neutralized. No allied casualties. Minimal shots fired... Bravo Zulu!
Its the time after the wedding that should be the focus. Master Sergeant ABM once said, "marriage is a marathon, not a sprint." Still, any man who has ever dared to care enough about a woman to consider marrying her should see the wisdom in allowing her to be Diva for a day (sans the attitude that night). The in-laws are the X factor. Hager has a handful, though I'm sure they'll learn to love him. It worked for Schwarzenegger and the Kennedys. Jake is a lucky one. His soon-to-be in-laws are decent folks. I'm proud to say they are some of the nicest Cra**ers to come out of the Trailer Park. And such a nice trailer too!!
Just remember, the day will be a buzz of excitement, and emotion and whiskey if you're lucky. Stay out of the way and let her have her moment. David's sis deserves that much at least. As long as you can sit with us at the Ring and report; "Mission accomplished. Hostiles neutralized. No casualties." You'll be fine.
Best wishes to Jake and Dee for a successful raid/ wedding!!
With flak jacket under camo tuxedo, I remain,
IncogNegro
It's all about the bride in THIS case because SHE'S the one who's famous (duh.) If it was Prince William marrying someone we'd never heard about, it would then be all about the groom. man, talk about a hissy-fit over nothing.
you are right on target!
Yeah right. And in all other wedding ceremonies where the Bride is not famous, its not all about her. She doesn't get special treatment at all. Its not "her day" and the rest of the world isn't instructed to give her a wide birth. C'mon, lets be real. No hissy fit, just a statement of fact, based in reality, resting upon good sense. "Traditional" wedding ceremonies (ie, anything that doesn't include Elvis, Hobbits or Klingons) are ALL ABOUT HER and always have been. Nobody stands up when the groom hits the sanctuary.
"Here comes the groom." Doesn't quite have the same ring, now does it? But no matter, its the way things are and probably the way they should be. Still, it seems like much ado about a day.
As to the example of the Prince of Wales, hmmm. I see the comparison. Young William is quite the celebrity and regular fodder for the tabloids. And the poor gal who is blessed (or cursed) enough to be upgraded from concubine to HRH will most likely get caught up in a whirlwind. Yet, I recall another couple from the same region. A young Prince, and the gal whom mommy thought fitting enough to join the House of Windsor. Let's level with ourselves here. Who can honestly say that they knew anything about the Young Lady Spencer before she became consecrated to the world as Princess Di? Indeed, the wedding may have been all about his highness and the way the Royal ears looked even bigger next to the epaulets. But, the church bells had barely ceased ringing before he became Di's hubby and an otherwise royal pain in her Majesty's... service.
So here's to the Bride! The gods willing the day be hers. As for the guy? He's welcome to join, David, Jake and myself in the cave. So long as he has the password.
With cloak of cynicism and dagger of wit, I remain,
IncogNegro